What to do

[hoping]

Its really interesting, everything was great up until last tuesday when shit happened with that guy i wrote about here a few days ago and it seems like all these problems that end up coming into my life are about guys and up until a month ago i was incredibly romantic and loving and passionate but i cant find any of that in me anymore and its like i dont really care none of its there anymore.
I have spent my entire life almost trying to make other people feel good about themselves, for example the guy i thought i loved and i sort of still want to be with, its just one thing after another hes 29 years old and i helped him through the shit with his ex when he used to go on about this guy doesnt say what he feels and now he doesnt say what he feels and now just when he and i were going to start going out the bastard ex comes back and wants to be fuck buddies.
Then this guy came to me and asked me out and 2 weeks later he decied that he likes being single to much.
I have thought so much in my head and i have come up with these questions.

A. If steve wants me instead of his ex how could i trust him not to cheat on me?

B.If Shay decided he wanted a relationship and it was with me how do i know that he wont change his mind and suddenly say '' i want to be single again''?

C. Are guys even worth all the trouble that seems to keep happening?

D. Should i just focus of work and studying and working out and forget about guys all together?

These questions go over and over in my head and yet there are no answers.

[Asteroid]

Hey there! I don't think you should forget about guys all together, but I think what might help you is if you take a break from it. You have been through a lot, and maybe it is time that you just try concentrating on your life for a while. Try to focus on your studies, and on the things you like to do. Try to get some distance from all what happened.

Sometimes we have to go through these kinds of experiences until we find the right person to be with. Even though the experiences have been hard, you will be able to find someone. You have probably learned quite a few things as a result, which you can use towards your next experience. These kinds of experiences make as stronger.

As Jim in an earlier thread indicated, try not to attach yourself to someone to soon. Before you decide on someone, try to get to know him and make sure that he feels the same way about you the way you feel about him. After a while when you are completely sure about the guy then take it to the next level as it were.

You know that you deserve so much better. Try not to think about them anymore. Move on as best as you can. Concentrate on your life for a change. When you think that you are ready to try again, give it a try. I know you can do it.

I hope this helps!

[Louise]

[QUOTE=hoping;292904]
A. If steve wants me instead of his ex how could i trust him not to cheat on me?

B.If Shay decided he wanted a relationship and it was with me how do i know that he wont change his mind and suddenly say '' i want to be single again''?

C. Are guys even worth all the trouble that seems to keep happening?

D. Should i just focus of work and studying and working out and forget about guys all together?

These questions go over and over in my head and yet there are no answers.


A. You can't this guy is bad news, even if you are in love with him he is not good for you, you know it *slap, slap, slap*

B. You can never be 100% sure all you can do is talk to him clearly and talk about your fears of him changing his mind.

C.A good relationship is worth all the bother but unfortunately you do have to kiss several hundred frogs before one actually turns into prince charming... that goes for the straight world as well by the way.

D. Yes focus on work and school but not exclusively, try to get things into proportion... all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. When it is time to study or work do so as best you can, give it your all and when it is time to socialize then go out and have fun. You will find someone, but as others have said, try to take it more slowly, don't fall head over heals in love with a guy with the first kiss.

[Jim1454]

Yes... I did post in one of your threads just the other day... and you didn't comment or respond. Do you want help? Or would you rather I ignored your threads?

That sounds harsh, but I don't respond to threads for the good of my own health. I respond because I think I'm helping. So if you don't think what I've posted makes sense for you, I'd rather you say so instead of ignoring it! Because you've now posted ANOTHER thread that is essentially on the same topic...

So here's my previous answer - somewhat out of context because it was in response to a differently worded thread:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4 different guys... that were special enough that you'd have spend the rest of your life with... and you're only 19?!? That says a couple of things to me.

1) Those relationships weren't meant to be. After the first one, the second one came along. And the third, and the fourth. And from each one I'm sure you've learned something and becoming more prepared to recognize "THE ONE".

2) Perhaps you ARE getting too attached to these people too soon, and expecting too much from a relationship at your age. I have to disagree with Tess on people choosing their jobs over you. At your age, it would be short sighted for people to choose a relationship over an important career decision. One of those people took a job in the US while you're in Australia, right? It's not like they're working an extra shift at McDonalds and therefore ignoring you. They're taking advantage of a significant opportunity.

So...

If you're recognizing a pattern in your life, it likely DOES have something to do with you. Not that you're a bad person. Just that you're setting expectations for yourself and others that are somewhat unrealistic. Having a partner to share your bed with at the age of 19 might be one of those unrealistic expectations.

Tell this last guy "OK - no problem. No need to 'go out' together. But if you'd like to go to a movie some time, give me a call! Take care." And leave it at that. Maybe he has a gay friend that you'd like even better.

So don't burn bridges, don't beat yourself up, and don't get too serious, too fast!