i cut myself

[spencer]

I cut myself last night. It was for the first time in over a year. I think my depression might be coming back. I am scared. The person who helped me out the first time is gone, and I do not know what to do.

[-Michael-]

Well you're at the best place to be.
Everyone here is so helpful.

Im sorry about what you're going through.
And i know cutting yourself seems like a release and that you're in control of your life,
but there are better things to overcome this.

What do you think has sparked your depression?

Advisors (http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11734) can be found here at the 9th post.

(Sorry i don't have a direct link)
Try and contact one.

[Derek the Wolf]

I'll give you what advice I can. Try to find another release for your frustration. You have to find ways of coping with stress in everyday situations. I used to do martial arts, which was a great way to relieve stress. You could try any kind of exercise, just to let out your energy.
Depression can e really difficult to cope with. If nothing else, try to find something positive in your life that's worth holding on to. Think to the future. You're 15 years old, finish high school. Get a taste of college life. Don't end your life before you've experienced it. I understand you may be feeling hopeless or distraught, but depression never lasts. Moods always change. It's always darkest before the dawn.
I'd recommend talking to Asteroid or Lex, they've both given me some great advice.

[BrianCB]

Oh wow. I'd seek professional help ASAP. Are you cutting horizontally or vertically? I had a friend who would etch designs in his skin. Self-loathing with creativity? I couldn't believe it. But seriously, you need help bad, and the Internet can be a very iffy place to find that help. If you cut the wrong way or wrong place, you could be dead. Get HELP!

[Jebs]

I cut myself last night. It was for the first time in over a year. I think my depression might be coming back. I am scared. The person who helped me out the first time is gone, and I do not know what to do.

Hey Spencer. I too use to cut myself which landed me trips to hospital as well as a mental health hospital and has left lasting scars on my skin. I used to be horribly depressed. I think the best thing for you to do is tell your parents and consult a therapist. Therapy can be very healing and help you realize what really is eating at you. I think you should do this immediately, what you are doing is self-destruction and unhealthy. Please talk with someone.

[Asteroid]

Hey Spencer. Please don't hurt yourself. Hurting yourself is not the answer. Please do get help. Talk to a professional, talk to a counselor as soon as possible. Depression can be caused by many things and it is important that you get help for the issues/problems that cause you to feel this way. Life is too valuable. Try to change the things that cause you to feel this way and you will get a different perspective on life. Things will look brighter again. It might take some time, but you will get there. There are so many wonderful things in your life that you will experience. Please hang in there. Don't give up. If it helps you, create a thread, and write it all out. We will be here and we will try to help you. The fact that you have posted is a sign that you do want to get help and that you want to change things. Please seek that help.

Feel free to pm any of the advisor's. Also, feel free to PM Vampyrecat, who could also help you.

[string3343]

Please get help. Whatever problems you are going through are only temporary. You have your whole life ahead of you. It is really hard being a gay teenager (trust me I know). Sometimes I feel really depressed and unhappy, but I know that taking it out on myself is not the answer. Do you have access to a therapist or counselor? If not, try to think about what might be bothering you yourself. Try to change something in your life to make you feel better.

[Vampyrecat]

Hey Spence.

I'm really sorry that you feel there is no other way to cope other then to cut yourself. If you feel a need to cut yourself, then yes, I would take that as a sign that your depression is coming back. I am glad you have recognised this. It makes the next few things I have to say seem a little easier to do.

Firstly, I want you to go and see your school counsellor. If you cannot see them, go and talk to your parents. You do not have to tell them everything, but it is not an unreasonable request to ask for them to book you into a few sessions with a psychologist or a counsellor/youth worker.

If you could explain to us why you think your depression is coming back that would help a bit with us being able to give you some more suggestions as to how we can help you.

Next time you get the urge to cut yourself, remove yourself from the vicinity of any sharp objects, and do something else. If you're in your room, go out into the lounge and watch tv with your parents. If you're in the kitchen, go play computer for a while. If you feel you can't do this, go outside and go for a run or a walk until you feel you are okay. Another thing that helps is to just SCREAM at the top of your lungs into a pillow or to go outside and just let it all out. Listen to music very very loudly. Write how you feel. Do something that takes your mind off the urge to cut.

I hope this helps, and I seriously want you to go see a counsellor or a psychologist if you can. The earlier you get help for depression, the better off you are.

[amyleona]

because it is so late, im going to give you short advice now and more later. im going to make it into a list, because.

a) dont cut. i used to, it really sucks afterwards
b) i know exactly how you feel. at least about the person who helped you.
c) its good that you recognized what is going on
d) i would like to talk to you sometime, one-on-one. info is in my profile

[Jim1454]

Hi Spencer. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling down. I can relate - as I think many of us can. What you have to remember is that there are LOTS of things you can do to help yourself feel better and deal with the pain that you're dealing with WITHOUT cutting yourself. It's like trying to correct a wrong with another wrong. It doesn't work.

As Vampyrecat has suggested, ask for help. Do it. You might feel afraid or embarassed, but that will pass. And when you get past that, and start to deal with what is bothering you, you'll start to feel A LOT better! And if you can start to feel better, you will no longer need to resort to cutting.

Get some help. I did. Lots of other people have. There's no shame in asking for help. And in the long run you'll be much better off if you do!

[spencer]

What do you think has sparked your depression?

Well about a year and a half ago three people I knew died. They were like family. I loved them so much. That is what made me depressed the first time. I met someone who had been depressed and she helped me the first time. I think it is coming back because my two best friends have moved faraway and now I am really lonely. I have lots of other friends but they are not as caring as the other two are. School has recently started and most of my classes are harder than I thought they would be. I know that I have already failed two tests and I probably did not get a good grade on a speech I had to give today. And then there is that bitch Madeline. I have been fighting more with my sister and I feel that my parents and I are drifting apart.

Are you cutting horizontally or vertically?

I cut myself horizontally.

Do you have access to a therapist or counselor?

Well they have some counselors at my school. But they just help people with scheduling classes (they don’t do a very good job) so I do not think they will be able to help a lot. Other than that I do not have any access to a therapist or counselor.

[ltb2511]

I know you will be tired of hearing this but I'm going to say it anyways.
Cutting isn't the answer, I know from experience, I have nerve damage in my left arm because of it.
Talking does help, it may not seem like it at first but it does.
Reach out to your parents even if you do feel you are drifting from them, or a teacher, someone you trust.
Talk to them about everything you feel, it helps to get everything off your chest then they can start helping you. (*hug*)
Hope you take the advice into consideration.

[LornTehViking]

This is something I've never done, but I've thought about it. A lot. And depression is a tough thing, but there's always hope. I just want to put this organization out there -- twloha.com To Write Love on Her Arms. It's a non-profit organization that's trying to spread hope, and love to those who truly need it.

Hope it helps, at least a little bit.

[abyssx3]

Spence, been there myself. I was a secret cutter only doing it above my sleeve and under my pants. It wasnt for attentio like some wrist cutters. Anyways I know what it's like. What your trying to do and what I was trying to do is give yourself some physical pain to distract you from your emotional pain. And trust me it does for a while anyways. The best thing to do right now is stop looking for advice here because non of us can really help you. We can only help you help yourself. You need to seek help. A school councilor is your best bet right now. Depression sucks I had it for over a year and I can tell you it turned my life 180 degrees. I wish i could go back and seek help myself when I really needed it.

[Gerry]

I really wish I could say more to help you out here but maybe you should consider talking to a therapist or someone that could help you talk out your problems...

[xballetxbeautyx]

I've been there. Well, nearly, anyway. I used my fingernails quite often, and I still do sometimes.

Besides talking to someone, listen to music. I swear that's what got me through. Listen to whatever you like, as loud as you can stand. (I know it's not good for your ears, but it helps more than anything else.) Also, go out for a walk. Or run if you have to. If you're at home, just get out of the house and try to convert whatever you're feeling into energy. Listen to music and run at the same time. Whatever calms you down.

For me, it wasn't so much to feel, it was like a release of energy. Running and listening to really loud music helped with that. I hope you get it worked out. Feel free to PM me. ~megan~

[spencer]

I told my parents about my cutting problem on Thursday. They didn’t react how I thought they would. They were kind of disappointed that I didn’t tell them sooner. I went to see a therapist on Friday. It wasn’t what I expected it to be. I thought that the therapist would be some blue hair that was as old as God and would have no idea what I was talking about. He wasn’t, he is really nice and I think that this is going to work out.

Incase you were wondering what a blue hair was…

Blue hair- noun- An old person who’s white hair appears blue. Usually it is the only thing you can see over the steering wheel of the car they are driving.

[wonderwhereiam]

Does your school have a nurse? In my experience they are always willing to talk if a student needs help and they usaually have access to many of the same resources as a conselour.

[ScentedRegrets]

I think everyone here is correct in what they said, but I think that Ballet Beauty hit it spot on. Try doing things to distract yourself. Running and listening to music is the best way, I believe. It may sound nerdy, but whenever I was bored, I would eat and play chess.

Lately, I have been pulling 50 and 60 hour weeks at the job, and to handle the stress, I try to run as much as I can. And sometimes I just crank up the iPod as loud as I can tolerate and lay down at night.


Best wishes, Spencer.

[Swamp56]

I used to do that when I got really depressed....it hurts....a lot

We're here for you dude (&&&)

What do you think might be making you depressed?

[Paul_UK]

I told my parents about my cutting problem on Thursday. They didn’t react how I thought they would. They were kind of disappointed that I didn’t tell them sooner. I went to see a therapist on Friday. It wasn’t what I expected it to be. I thought that the therapist would be some blue hair that was as old as God and would have no idea what I was talking about. He wasn’t, he is really nice and I think that this is going to work out.

That's good news Spencer. Your parents are obviously worried about and probably feel a bit disappointed that you couldn't share your problems with them sooner so they could help sooner.

I'm really pleased you've got a therapist you can relate to and work with. Stick with it and be completely honest and open with him. I'm sure this is going to work out well. :thumbsup:

[Asteroid]

I told my parents about my cutting problem on Thursday. They didn’t react how I thought they would. They were kind of disappointed that I didn’t tell them sooner. I went to see a therapist on Friday. It wasn’t what I expected it to be. I thought that the therapist would be some blue hair that was as old as God and would have no idea what I was talking about. He wasn’t, he is really nice and I think that this is going to work out.

Incase you were wondering what a blue hair was…

Blue hair- noun- An old person who’s white hair appears blue. Usually it is the only thing you can see over the steering wheel of the car they are driving.

Hi Spencer! It is great that you have talked to your parents about it and that you have started seeing a therapist. As Paul mentioned, be honest and open with him. Don't hold back on anything. I am glad that you are seeking help. Way to go!

[nluvwthagrl1010]

I am sorry that you are feeling the way you are. But as many of the others have said, you are in the right place. You need to find someone you can confide in such as a parent, counselor or a good friend. Depression is nothing to go through alone, trust me, I know. I went through it too, but I got help from my doctor. There are other ways to vent your frustration and sadness besides hurting yourself. I just want you to know that you are not alone! We are all here to listen and help you however we can! (&&&) Keep your chin up! You are going to be okay! (*hug*)

[AnimeFan4Ever]

Hopefully this doesn't seem too strange but you can always come to me if you need help or just someone to talk to. I sort of know where you're coming from because ever since junior high I would hurt myself in any way thinking "Why am I here? No one wants me here. It would be better if I didn't exist. " because it seriously seemed like I didn't match someone's standards, no one wanted to be around me, or I was just different. With someone by my side I've gotten much better than where I started but I still feel pain from time to time. So whether talking helps or not, I'll be here if you need it. Later.

[Lexington]

I think your parents handled it perfectly, and it sounds like you've got a great therapist. Good luck to you. :)

Lex

[unouxx3me]

You're lucky your parents were so okay with it and got you some help. My mother threatened to commit me if she ever found another cut...now i hide then with short sleeves (only do it on my shoulders usually)...only slipped up this past friday, first time in many months...I wish you luck, don't hold back...tell him anything and everything no matter how embarassing...they;re trained to deal with all of that.

[Jim1454]

I told my parents about my cutting problem on Thursday. They didn’t react how I thought they would. They were kind of disappointed that I didn’t tell them sooner. I went to see a therapist on Friday. It wasn’t what I expected it to be. I thought that the therapist would be some blue hair that was as old as God and would have no idea what I was talking about. He wasn’t, he is really nice and I think that this is going to work out.

YES!!!

Every young person needs to read this! Parents aren't going to freak out or get angry! They're going to want to help you! If anything, they'll be angry that you didn't come to them sooner! So tell your parents when things are getting to you, and let them know that you need help! That's what they are there for!

I'm SO glad to hear that you liked the therapist as well. Good luck with that!

[jazzrawr]

It's great that you're getting help. :)
Cutting is a bad habit to get into...I did it for about 2 years, and most of my scars are still there.
I got through it, and you can too :)
Two of the people who i loved most in the world died, which is why i started it...so i know how you feel.
It's awesome that you had the strength to tell your parents!
And the therapist will help, alot.
Everything will get better. :)