Confused

[Atlguy543]

Hello everyone,

I'd like to start by saying that I love the site, neat resource.

Anyway, I am a 19 year old college student living in Atlanta. I've never really had a relationship of any significance. Dated a few girls for a very, very short time in high/middle school but mostly because that's what everyone else was doing.

I came out at the beginning of my freshmen year of college which was a good decision. Took a lot of stress off of me and I didn't have to watch my actions/mouth anymore.

Since then though I've felt incomplete. I consider myself gay since I'm very turned on by men, however have also had sex with women. To me it doesn't really matter once you turn out the lights, however this poses a few problems.

The gay scene doesn't do anything for me at all, and I cannot stand fem guys. I myself am very masculine and almost no one could tell I was gay before I told them. The problem is that most of the guys around here are fem and the ones that aren't are either unattractive or well - straight. Besides that, very few guys around my age are even out yet which makes the pickings even slimmer.

I've tried dating sites but finding a meaningful relationship with a complete stranger that matches a few personality traits seems weird, if not impossible.

My question is this - How am I supposed to find a relationship with an attractive guy around my age that acts like a guy who just happens to be gay? As stated above I never really have done the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but I feel more alone with each passing day and would love to find someone that I can give a damn about and still be physically intimate with...

[Mind Freak]

Sounds like you want someone perfect!
Um maybe lower your sights a little bit.

I wouldn't advise gay clubs though since you're not into fem guys.

How about joining clubs or stuff like um acting classes or something maybe? Or something where you'll meet new people; the more new people you meet the more chance you have finding someone you're interested in. ; )

[Lexington]

Welcome to EC! :wave:

My main suggestion would be to join the LGBT group on your campus. Get to know some more gay guys - even the femmy ones. Why? Well, they've got friends, and those friends have friends. The more gay guys you get to know, the better your chance of coming into contact with someone you click with. Joining the group doesn't mean you have to "become part of the scene". You don't have to buy Cher CDs or buy rainbow short-shorts or go clubbing. Just go to the meetings, chat with people, and get to know them better.

Lex

[Derek the Wolf]

The best way to start a relationship is to go out and meet people. You don't have to embrace the stereotypical gay lifestyle, but you do have to meet people. LGBT support groups are a good foot in the door. Lex pretty much hit the nail on the head, make friends. Even if they're not someone you'll be close to, you may meet someone through them who you will be close to. Don't limit your options.

[ScentedRegrets]

I think everyone has pretty much hit it on the nose. You've got to be involved in order to meet people. When you surround yourself with those with similar interests, you're taking the best possible step to find that guy who will be your own Mr. Right. Best of luck.

[riddlerno1]

and not all gay guys are very fem. You will find that there are loads of masculine gays out there. First step may be to join a local group or the like.

[Alex89]

One of the problems is it isn't immediately obvious if someone is gay UNLESS they act feminine. I'm about as far away from the stereotype as its possible, no-one can even guess I'm gay unless I tell them and I don't have the 'walk', 'accent' or anything. I even hate fashion and shopping!

So yeah joining a local group might be useful because it's hard finding more masculine gay guys since they can't immediately be identified as gay very easily. Believe me we're out there, but you'd walk past us on the street without a clue. =) I can't imagine ever having a relationship with a feminine gay guy, and generally they make me very uncomfortable.

It's the same with all groups - do all black guys say "dayum" every 3 seconds and live hip hop culture? No. Same applies to gay guys, it's just unfortunately more difficult to identify masculine gay guys, especially since if you accidentally think someone straight is gay thy can get very offended or aggressive.

[Jim1454]

Welcome to EC! This really is a neat site!

I agree with the advice given above. YOU are not the only non-fem gay guy on campus - trust me! But just like you'd be difficult to spot as a 'gay guy', so are the others. So joining a group and making it known that way that you're gay is the best approach.

And don't knock the 'online' possabilities either. You don't necessarily find your match based on the criteria or characteristics that are listed, but you do meet people - one of whom could very well be your match. Just be VERY CLEAR about what you are looking for - and what you're NOT looking for. Guys that respect that are the ones you might just be able to hang out with.

Good luck! It's worth the search - because when you find that special person, you'll be happier than you've ever been in your life! Trust me - I'm there right now and it's pretty special.

(Oh - and btw... we met online! :grin: )

[silentsound]

Welcome to EC! And, congratulations on coming out! I would try to look into LGBT resources on campus, that could be a great jumping off point for you. Who knows, you might just find a whole new world opens up to you =)

[BitterEdge]

Both me and my partner are very straight acting and masculine men, not bears/ cubs or anything but still. I like regular guys. I would recommend craigslist or personals websites...just be careful.