One last thread.

[Quitex]

Haven't been here that much lately. Just lurking. So, hey people :)

I am very.... uncomfortable about this email I got.
I have been helping my Math classmates lately since I am somewhat good at it. However, this girl who I just met three weeks ago sent me this email. (note it was in Spanish and I had to translate it the best I could.

I know that you may not care about my opinion but it sucks that he (my dad) doesn't notice of the son he has because I know you just a little and I already noticed you're a good person, well I say that because I know how to detect it. I dont know, but I like you a lot even though we never talk personally

but maybe you're not the friendly type I always see you alone and I'd like to know what is that about.

Ruth

It. Sucks.
I am a loner. I have been like that since I have memory. And it sucks because I am tired of being alone. And sucks even more because I am very outgoing and very cool with people when it comes to school and work, but I can't let me have friends. And I want to have friends.

I want people to like me because of who I am and not because of what I have or what I know. Always said that. But there is something more, I want to allow me to be liked. I was hurt badly in the past, and I learnt to hurt as well. I don't want anyone to hurt me and I don't want to hurt anyone either, at a personal level. But seems like that is the way I am, and I care more about everyone else before myself. I don't want to be who I am!

I always thought it was a matter of everyone else, but it is a matter of myself. And as my sexuality, I can't change that part of me. I simply can't. You may know me whining how I don't have normal friends, the thing is that I am not that "normal" nor "friendly", again in a personal level. I used to express my feeling sway too much, and when I was thought it was not right most of the times, I have a hard time letting all out. I just cry when I am alone. And even if someone else is around, I refuse to cry. I refuse to show my vulnerable side. Because I did before and it didn't turned out right.

I don't know who I want to be anymore. Not myself, for sure.
Help, please.

[Nova713]

I know what it's like to be a loner. I used to bottle up all my feelings and hide who I was around friends.

This may not be much help but the only thing I can think to do would be to give in to your feelings and not be afraid of who you are. There are people out there that will accept you for who you are especially here. Take Care.

[Derek the Wolf]

Don't worry about who you want to be. You are who you are. If you're struggling to find out who you really are, I can only give you one piece of advice: DON'T. Just be who you are. If people can't accept you for who you are, then it's a shame yes, but there are others who will. Your sexuality is something you can never change, so don't dwell on it too much.

Your attitude seems selfless. You need confidence to make friends, and that's it. So long as you're not self-absorbed, then you'll be fine (and you don't seem to be). I'm a loner too. I know it can be hard, because you want to be social, but you're afraid of rejection or just can't make relationships work. I really can't help you with that one. I'm struggling with it myself. I do know one thing though. The best way to make friends is to go out and meet people. Talk to your classmates, get to know them better. Seek out people from other schools, your surrounding area. You will find friends. This girl who e-mailed you seems to want to know you better. Talk to her. Even if you were never that interested in her as a friend, just take the time to chat. That's the best way to get any kind of relationship off the ground. Will all your relationships work? No. Will you get hurt sometimes? Of course. That's the hardest part. Try to get past broken relationships, and create new ones. It takes some chutzpah, but I'm sure you can do it.

Last little thing: don't worry about crying. Crying is a good thing. It's good you can let your emotions out, even if you're alone. There have been more than a dozen times in the past 2 months where I wanted to cry, and I couldn't. I hide weakness not only from others but from myself. It's good to have someone to trust, to have a shouler to cry on. When noone's there, solitary tears can heal just as well.

Good luck man, and let me know if there's any way I can help. Talk to us. (*hug*)

[Jim1454]

:icon_sad: (*hug*)

YOU are NOT a loner! You're a great guy! Very bright, funny, intelligent and interesting! A good singer too, from the sounds of it!

Everyone is different though. I don't have and I never have had LOTS of friends. But the friends that I did / do have are special and very close. Quality over quantity. And the friends I have now I did not meet when I was 17. I didn't really 'fit in' with people I knew when I was 17. It was the people I met when I was 21 (i.e. 3rd year university) that I really clicked with, and that have remained my good friends now 16 years later!

So the fact that you exchange email with people - and have obviously shared stuff about your dad to prompt her to write that note - means that you DO have friends. You DO have people that care about you. You DO interact with people. You're NOT a loner!

But if you THINK that you're a loner, you'll spend time alone. It might require some effort on your part, but just make the effort to reach out to people a little bit. Reply to that email and thank her for her kind words. Tell her that you'll buy her a coffee if she keeps buttering you up like that! And then do it!

Life's too short to worry about how others see us. And it's too short to beat ourselves up for things we perceive to be wrong with us. As suggested above - keep being YOU. Cuz YOU ARE AWESOME!!! :eusa_clap