I was hoping that I didn't need this site anymore...

[PenAndInk]

I still look through EC, but I've reached a much more stable point in my life and this forum did help me a great deal. Unfortunately, the start of school here in the Bible belt has unleashed a new slew of events.

I've started talking to the only other lesbian who attends my math and science school, which is a very small school that I attend for half the day. We've hit it off really well and I feel comfortable telling her what I'm looking for in a relationship. I've never had a girlfriend before, and I dislike feeling vulnerable to her because she has had a long term girlfriend, and she is a year younger than me. I'm trying to not let this deter me from getting to know her and possibly dating her if things go well.

So I'm blundering around trying to see if I have any relationship skills whatsoever.

At my regular school: I'm trying to hard to stay close to my best friends. I love them so much. They're so supportive and just all around amazing. I need them in my life, but I don't want end up sacrificing my hardcore drive to succeed at school, because it is my senior year, yadda, yadda, yadda.

The above mentioned issues I have mostly under control so far. However...

This evening a former best friend, who is more of an acquaintance now, comes bursting back onto into my life. She is desperate to get the friendship back on track, not just with me but with my three best friends as well. So, she comes to me, the most stressed out, high-strung one in the bunch. I'm the softest one when it comes to the issues with this friend, mainly because she hurt me, but we had an amazing friendship at first. I guess I'm still able to hang on to hope for her, and the others not so much. Now I've set myself up for trying to put a Band-Aid on a lacerated abdomen. Why have I done this to myself, you ask?

A) Because I'm a masochist, who obviously needs more issues to sift through
B) I'm a sucker for someone desperately needing friends
C) School, a potential girlfriend, college applications, scholarships, separation from best friends during school, volunteer work, and extracurriculars just aren't enough to keep me insane!

I don't know if I'm looking for advice, or just needed to rant, but I feel a bit better now. Bless your heart if you read all of this.

~R. Kay~

[Level N Human]

Well, I hope things turn out good for you. Congrats on finding a girl. ^^ I don't know how your friend hurt you, but if you've forgiven her, hopefully she sees that act of kindness and stands by you.

[Bookmarked]

Right. Okay. This is a complicated dealie you got there, and from what I can read-you're floundering; there's no shame in that-neither is there is asking for help.

I'm probably just filling in the interrim before someone gives you a real and satisfying answer-but I'll offer my advice, such as it is. Dealing with the three main points, at least.

A) Because I'm a mascochist...
I'm sorry to say it, but we're pretty much all masochists. Anyone that would stand up and willingly enter any sort of social arena, nay, any form of continued living is the greatest masochist in the in Universe. Because you're going to meet pain and disappointment that you wouldn't find if you hid under your covers and sang out loud to ignore reality. But there's joy out there, in a world with friends, and love. Only, people don't tend to remember the good times so much, because they're stretched out over days, weeks, months. However, the equivalent in bad feelings can be squashed into an argument, fight, or even a single word spoken at the wrong time to the wrong person.

B) I'm a sucker...
Yes. Yes you are. And that's a good thing! Most of us stumble through life looking for people to be friends with. Some of us are lucky and find some great people, like you have. Sometimes we don't. However, the fact that you feel sorry for your friend, who wants to make what happened in the past right, is a good thing. I know that it's hard to even look at someone if they really hurt you-but what are we to do when someone wants to make amends?

C) <a -very- long list> just aren't enough to keep me insane...
This is probably the hardest one of the three, and it's all about balance. On a theoretical level, you're going to have to think about what happens when in your life. From personal experience (even though my life is currently going through a patch where I have nothing to do) I've experienced something like it before. You pile on extracuricuars and volunteer work, then you start feeling guilty about neglecting friends. And then you have this whole new relations (I didn't) and on top of that, you have to continue existing as a functional human being. There's no quick and easy solution to this problem. All I can suggest is that you plan out your days (unless you already do), work out a timetable, drop some nonessentials, and work out how to take a break from it all now and then.

Hope it helped.