I'm about to explode

[RuralMedAU]

So my mom and I got into a big fight today over something that should not have been an issue. She is really emotional and upset because her mom died two months ago. I have to to come out to her soon because our relationship is suffering. It really hurts me because she thinks my life is just hunky dory and Im dealing with a lot of stuff right now.

[Wander]

I have to to come out to her soon because our relationship is suffering.

It may be just the opposite. Coming out in a time of stress could be the worst way to do it. As anxious as you may be to come out to your mother, doing it when she's angry and tense could prove dangerous. It might be best to wait until things have settled down and she's not as volatile as she is now.

EDIT: Hooray, fellow gay Alabamian!

[Asteroid]

Hi there! I am sorry to hear about your situation and for your mom's loss.

Given that your mom is already emotional and upset, try not to come out to her during this time. Often the reactions will differ when parents are already emotional, upset or preoccupied with other things. The loss of her mom is a major shock to her and she will need time to come to terms with it. Try to be there for her. If there are things/issues/problems that you can talk to her about without coming out to her, try to address these first, which could help to 'improve' the relationship with your mom.

Hope this helps!

[Chris]

I feel so sorry for her! How does the death affect you? That could be an issue if you aren't showing you miss her. Hope this helped and good luck!

[RuralMedAU]

I know that I can't come out to her when she is like she is now. It just hurts because she thinks that I'm just living this great life with no problems and she is having to deal with all this sh#t, while I really am having to deal with a lot of sh#t myself.

[RuralMedAU]

It seems to be affecting her more now that it originally did. I was very close to my grandmother and I do miss her. I know she is feeling some sadness and misses me because she doesn't feel connected to me like she used to

[Asteroid]

Why don't you talk to her. You can let he know that you have a lot of issues/problems that you are trying to deal with as well. Having it out there might help a bit. But while you are talking to her, keep in mind that your mom is going through a difficult time.

Addition:
It is also a difficult time for you. I think talking to her and being there for her can help the both of you to overcome that difficult time better.

If I may ask you, what are some of the other issues that you are trying to deal with? Maybe there is something that we can help you with?

[RuralMedAU]

Well, the biggest issue that I am dealing with right now is that I'm in love with a guy and I'm not sure what he feels. Ive laid myself out there for him and I think that he is trying to decide what he wants in his life so I don't want to force him to decide what he wants with me before he is ready. We both know that we have a deep connection. This is what consumes so much of my thoughts these days.

[Asteroid]

I know it can be hard, but if you feel that you need to give him some time and space perhaps, the best thing might be just to keep talking to him and be there for him. Spend time with him. Continue to show him that you are his friend and see how things develop. Given that you are not sure what or how he feels, maybe talk to him when you think the time is right, just so that you know where you are at.

At the same time, and which might help you a bit as well, try to do a few things that will help you to escape from the things that you have been going through and have affected you lately.

Hope this helps!

[Vampyrecat]

I moved this to support and advice because it seemed like more of a support thread.

That said, I feel really awful for you and your mum.

I think honesty is the best thing here. And communication. Tell your mum how you feel and if you don't know how you feel then say that too. Keep a calm and collected mindset, know what you want to say, how you're going to say it, and your possible responses to your mother's questions.

And I think you should be doing some relaxation stuff for yourself. You sound really stressed, and believe me when I tell you that stress can make you HIGHLY emotional. whatever relaxes you, go and do it.

[wraptenigma]

Sorry to hear about your loss of a loved one.
It seems that everyone is very emotional. Since your mother's mom died as recently as 2 months ago, her emotions are going to be very raw for quite some time. Grieving is a long process that takes different amounts of time for people to work through. You may want to suggest that she see a therapist to talk about her feelings. I also understand that you are going through lots of your own problems and stress. Coming out is a process not to be tread on lightly. I know that you want her to know and all but something like this takes time. Especially when she is already emotionally stressed. Your coming out may be too much to handle all at once. There are many references out there to help you with you coming out journey. I recently picked up a book called, "Outing yourself", I believe and it is very insightful. There are many resources out there for the gay community. I suggest that you do a little research first before you determine what to do. Good Luck!

[Hydrogen]

Another Alabama brother... cool.

I actually think that this would be a good time to approach your mom. Have you come out to her yet? I would sit down with her, and let her know you are there for her. I would then transition into your problems, and let her know you look up to her, and need some help.

(don't know how to word the next part.. so if it sounds strange.. ignore it)
It would probably help your mother if she had something to "deal with" other then the death of your grandma. She is probably reflecting on her time as a child now, and how her mom helped her.. and if she was able to assist you, it might calm her down and bring you two even closer together.

[RuralMedAU]

We are doing a little better. I worry about telling her that I have things I'm dealing with because she won't stop until I tell her.

[whitefang]

all i can say is wait but im not good at advice