Faking Your Entire Marriage

[gutsrie]

I dunno if this topic has come up before but...

Yesterday, I was speaking with a gay friend of mine and the topic of marriage came up. Even though he's gay, he would still like to have a 'normal' family, that is, he would like to get married to a woman and have kids of his own. I was puzzled and I asked him if he would continue to live a gay life secretly. He said yes and I was kinda surprised. He said he would just be discreet about the whole thing to his family while he's secretly out having affairs with men. I told him I could never live with myself if I had to fake my whole marriage. He said its the only way he would have a normal family and pass on his genes.

So my question to you gay guys/gals out there this... Would you marry the opposite sex just for the sake of having a traditional family? I would love to start a family too when the time is right but not like this...

[smartguy]

nope
i could never lie like that. and besides, the traditional family is less dominant now, what with single parents, adopted kids, gay parents, etc.

[Midnight Angel]

If I were gay I probably would just for the sake of wanting to be normal. Although idk I might feel bad about just using a woman. I would still probably do it though.

[smilealways]

Having a family is a big responsibility. I dont think it would be the right thing to do. Ive heard few stories about one parent leaving the family and I think the kids would get affected by it the most if it happens.

[myra]

Eh. While I'm only half gay... :P My thing is if the guy is really set on passing his genes on, don't start a family just for that. Donate his sperm to one of his friends whose willing. They can do that through...what's it called...in vitro? Where they basically have him fill a cup with it, take a syringe, and squirt it into the girl. Simple. I mean, if passing on his genes is all he wants to do, thats the way to do it. And he could keep in touch with the kid. It wouldn't be annonymously like at a sperm bank or whatever.

[WhiteFox]

I could not do this...It seems like it would get tiring honestly

[beyondken]

I think if it's one of the most terrible things you could do family-life-wise, ethically. I understand if somebody is repressing their homosexuality and feel immense pressure to fall in love with the opposite sex, marry, have two-point-five children and a dog, etc. but to actually decide to fake things knowing full well it would all be sham... I don't get it and I harbour some contempt for the idea.

Making an effort to seriously love your wife/husband despite your sexuality? Then I've great respect for you. Being in it just for the "lifestyle" and nice neat family-tree..? Ergh. Stop deliberately making a mockery of both same-sex and opposite-sex committed relationships, please. Unless it's a gay man and a gay woman married to cover things up (but not from each other), which is quite a lot different.

[Lexington]

I have never ever understood the "pass the genes on" thing. I mean, I understand that some people want to have kids. That's totally cool. It's when the only reason that they want kids is "I have to pass my genes on". Why? What's so superior about my genes? So there'll be "part of you" still living when you die? I can't really wrap my brain around that mindset.

Lex

[Gerry]

No absolutely not. That's something I couldn't do. Not for anyone.

[gutsrie]

well i could understand why he would feel that way. there's immense pressure from his parents, he's closeted to his family, and in our culture (we are both of the same ethnic background), being homosexual is completely taboo. still i know it's wrong and told him so myself but he says he will still follow in the lifestyle he has planned out despite knowing his potential marriage to a woman will all be a sham. i wish i can change his mind... of course, if he could find a gay woman...

[Hydrogen]

There is NO way I could ever do that...

[Janvier]

I think that it's a BIG disrespect for his 'wife' and kids.

[BitterEdge]

No I'm Bi and would tell my wife long before marrying her. But who knows I might marry a man someday.

[ccdd]

I don't believe that this is ethical. The only way it could possibly be ethical is if he explains that he is gay and exactly what he is doing to his wife and she for some unknown reason is happy with it.

I think that there is a massive difference between getting married (to someone of the opposite sex) when you are in the closet to yourself, perhaps staying married to someone once you've finally come out to yourself, and entering a marriage when you already know you're gay. If you already know you're gay - or rather, concerning anyone who doesn't love their spouse-to-be - and you don't love the person, you shouldn't marry them!

If I ever get involved with anyone, I will let them know from the start that I am bi (and will perhaps have to explain that this doesn't mean I'll cheat *sigh*)

[berileos]

I would NEVER cheat on someone...but I will surely donate the sperm,I never liked children,but some people dream of children,why not make their life better...

[pirateninja]

No. I could never do that. For one thing I'm a terrible liar, so I'd suck at the discreet thing. Plus, I couldn't live with a husband and kids. It's precisely what I do not want so I couldn't go through with it.

I feel sorry for the guy if he's willing to go through all that just for the sake of appearing "normal".

[Jim1454]

I think that there is a massive difference between getting married (to someone of the opposite sex) when you are in the closet to yourself, perhaps staying married to someone once you've finally come out to yourself, and entering a marriage when you already know you're gay.

Exactly.

Society had me conditioned to believe that I would get married, have kids (and the obligatory dog - as mentioned above!) and that's what I did. It never really occurred to me that I might actually be gay - even though I enjoyed watching gay porn! :eusa_doh:

But when it became obvious that I was gay, it really didn't make sense to stay married.

Am I glad that I have kids? Yes. Am I glad that I had those 10 years with my wife? Yes. Am I sad that I've caused them pain by breaking up our family? Yes. But would I have gotten married knowing I was gay? I don't think so.

[riddlerno1]

Is it so wrong that i have considered this. Im not in any relationship at the moment but for the last 25 years of my life i have dreamed of having kids. (2 boys and a girl). Now i suppose this is all part and parcel of dealing with being gay but it is smething that has crossed my mind. Although i know that ethically i couldnt lie to my 'wife' because i couldnt forgive myself for that. It is a really intresting question though.