Ok, I need some help!

[nluvwthagrl1010]

Hey, guys!
I am married, but I am 99.9% sure that I am straight up a lesbian :). This woman and I have been "seeing" each other for a year in October, and I am head over heels for her :kiss:. And she is the same for me. We will call her "K". My only problem is, I love my husband, and don't feel so sure that I want to split up or not :eusa_doh:. We have a 2 year old, and I just don't want for her to grow up in a broken home, but I cannot help the way I am.
I have basically been bi for 11 years, but then I met her...From the first kiss, I was in love :grin:. She had just recently broken up with her gf of 7 years, and I thought I could just be a rebound lay, because I was so attracted to her, and I had a couple of "flings" under my belt, so I thought "what the hell?" ya know? Well, I told her that I was interested in her and wanted to be with her. My husband knows I am bi, and is cool with me exploring. He gave me the green light to tell her I wanted to be with her. She was interested in me also, so we went ahead with it :thumbsup:. The first time we kissed, I knew I was in trouble. I had never felt such a connection to anyone in my life, even my husband. About a week later, we made love for the first time, and I was hooked (!). We started spending more and more time together, and I ended up spending the night over there more than at my own house. We were next door neighbors, so it was very very convenient. That went on for about a month, and then my husband and I ended up getting into a horrible fight and decided to split up. K and I were going to move in together, but the old gf ended up showing back up and moving in with her again :***:. My heart was broken and my husband and I ended up staying together. But, even though the old gf was back in, K was not back with her. They were just going to be roommates and nothing more. The old gf had other plans, and K decided she should try to give it another shot with chick. I was heartbroken :tears:, but I thought it was admirable of her at the same time. So, we cooled things down, but they never went out. We started telling each other that we loved each other :eusa_clap...K and her gf (or whatever) ended up moving about 20 min away, but she and I still saw each other whenever we could.
So, now, we are so in love. I think about her constantly, and she does the same. But she is still living with that chick and she has gone over the deep end :tantrum:. K told her 2 months ago that she didn't want to work things out with her, because all she wanted to do was control her and wouldn't let her breathe. The only kicker is, is that K doesn't want another serious relationship for a while :bang:. It's cool with me, but I just love her so much! I want to be with her for real. To live with her and share her life. She said that in the future, she would like to be with me, and I told her I would wait for her :confused:.
So, anyway, last night she was over here with me and my sister and her bf. My husband and daughter were out of town. We were having a blast, but the crazy bitch gf kept calling and telling her that all of her stuff was outside and that she was throwing her out. She was drunk and strung out on pills, and she gets really awful when she is like that. K's phone died, which was good, and she ended up mellowing out. We ended up making love for hours, and it was the most awesome night (!!)!
The question I basically need to ask is what would you do if you were in my situation? I am so, so in love with K, and want to be with her forever, but I love my husband too :(. Not the same way, of course. I am in love with K, but I am not with my husband. He feels like more of a friend to me than anything. We have been married for almost 4 years, and together for a total of 12, but I just don't feel the same way I used to :(. All I have to do is think about K, and I get chills. She is my end all, and that scares me and excites me all at the same time :goodevil:. I am just so stuck...:roflmao:

[mediumdietcoke]

I really have no idea what I would do in that situation...
but I do know, it is probably in your 2 year olds best interest to not be in the middle of this huge "thing" that's happening. I know in my case, I would rather my parents split up when they first realized it just wouldn't work, than try to work it out and end up making our house into a living hell (their situation being slightly different than yours)... in other words I would rather live in a broken home than in hell :thumbsup:

[silentsound]

Miles is right, if it is your two year old you are looking out for than if things are really bad between you and your husband it would be better for her if you split. It sounds to me like you need to talk to your husband as well as K. Communication is key if you want to find your next step. Good luck =)

[myra]

I would end it with K. I'm wondering if part of the reason you're so obsessed with her is that she's that extra little spice in your life. Stay with your husband for the sake of your child. You're not really fighting with him and when you did it was about K. When my dad left my mom for another woman, it broke my heart, even though they fought all the time. I didn't think it was very fair of him to do that because he had a family to take care of and it didn't seem very responsible. You made a vow to your husband. If your still friends, please don't leave him.

[beyondken]

^ I disagree a little. Staying together as husband and wife, if you aren't in love with each other and either of you are seriously looking outside of your relationship for romance/sex/etc., isn't the grandest of ideas. Already you can see that it's getting confusing and painful. Your child isn't likely to thank you for growing up in a home where that confusion and pain exists, causing problems with relationships there (kids pick things up, even if you try to hide problems).

However, if you and your husband still get along and are friendly with each other, you can separate without causing undue harm to the family (some of the happiest family situations I know involve divorced parents who continue to work together for their own and their children's happiness just by loving instead of hating). And if separation is imminent down the track, or your relationship with your husband shows signs of increasing strain it really is better to stop living as a married couple sooner rather than later, while you are still on pretty good terms.

[Wired106]

Well, the main thing I thought about when I read that is your child. "K" does not seem like she is sure of what's going on right now, and you said that she doesn't want to be committed in a relationship right now. IF you break up with your husband, you can mess up your child's life a little, and that child is your responsiblity now. I would put my feelings aside for now, just until you have everything clear and you know what will happen with you and your child if you do break up with your husband. If you broke up with your husband though, and "K" isn't sure if she wants to get into a serious relationship, then she might later on back down, and maybe even meet someone else which would leave you without a husband and only your child. Another thing you have to take into consideration is if "K" has a good career going and that you and "K" and you child will live well with that income your guys are making if you both do decide to stay together.

If I were you though, I would probably want to split up though, because I know exactly how you feel about being in total love with someone and thinking about them 24/7. I don't think you should be so obvious though (idk if you are or arn't) that you are constantly seeing her because then for sure, your husband will get mad and will just break up with you before you even have time to think about it, which would be horrible. I think you should sort of rethink this and talk to "K" about this seriously. Because this all revolves are her and her decisions. Is "K" someone that you can trust and doesn't fool around? Does she have a stable job? and is she willing to have you and your child be part of her life? I would say the main focus is your child though. You don't want your child to grow up in an unstable environment.

When you talk to "K" about this though (ultimately, your definately going to have to talk to her about this), you have to make sure she knows if she is ready or not to get in a real committed relationship because if you guys still arn't sure then everything can fall apart. She obviously is not feeling the same as you if she does not want to get in a serious relationship. You will be bias, and come up with all these excuses if she says she does not want to get in a relationship right away again, even though she says she loves you a ton and all that. You BOTH have to completely love each other and everything has to be planned out. EVERYTHING. JOBS, CHILD CARE, HOUSE, LIFE, MONEY, all that sort of stuff. Just make sure you know what you're doing and its a smooth transaction. anyways, good luck!!!

[BlakeHarmony]

My parents split up a few years ago but they had communication problems for some time before that. It wasn't working at all but instead of talking about it my dad went and had an affair. He "ended" it and told my mom (camping that summer was fun! sarcasm...) but then continued seeing her and my parents split up. Needless to say, that has caused much tension between my parents (I know you did say your husband "is cool with [you] exploring" but I have to wonder how far that coolness extends) but also between us kids and him. He is harder to trust now and I'm not sure how much it will take for him to gain that back, though I am not only two years old. I think that since you have such an accepting husband that you should end it with "k" and like Wired106 said, get everything together and move out. Doing this will make things a whole lot easier for your kid. When my dad moved out he lived in the quest room for a while, then a rented house, then he bought his own. This was annoying for us because although we did not really have to hep move anything (we brought (and still bring) our clothes and toothbrushes and stuff from our mom's house and back all the time and therefor did not have any belongings there permanently) it was still very annoying and disruptive.
I hope that all makes sense... Good luck.

[panda]

grl 1010,,My only thought on the whole thing is that K is bad news. She's living with her EX but cares for you ,but doesn't want a serious relationship,and yet you spend time together with her feeling love.
I just feel she's unstable. Someone who could break your heart.
Are there drugs involved in any of these relationships?
My sense is that anything to do with K will end badly.

Whatever your decision is, think what's best for your daughter. Good Luck!!

[nluvwthagrl1010]

Thank you all for your input! It really makes me feel good to know that someone is listening.
K and I do care for each other very much, and when we are together, things feel so right. My husband and I do not have issues mainly because of K. I am gay (or at least hardcore bi...) and that makes it hard on a relationship. He has made many comments before about finding a chick to sleep with, so obviously something is lacking in our relationship. Our sex life is hardly existent, which is my fault because I am just not attracted to him like that anymore. If I were him and my wife told me she was a lesbian, I would have security issues too.
He thinks that I have broken things off with K, and has thought that for a while now. You just really can't help who you fall in love with. I didn't realize that until I met her and fell for her. I was never a cheater and neither was K. We both hated it, honestly. We have both been through it and have been hurt. Something just keeps us together though. She has told me on several occasions when we have talking that I am not a booty call or a f**k buddy. When we make love, it is real...
I personally am not ready to rush into a serious relationship either if my husband and I don't work out. I want to be on my own, which is what K wants too. I think that would be a good thing. That way, if we do want to make it official, we will have no regrets. We are not ready to call the U-Haul and jump into something without thinking about the possible consequences.
K does have a good job, and she does love my daughter very much, so that would not be an issue at all. My daughter is crazy about her too, but of course she is 2 and she loves Spongebob Squarepants, so obviously she loves everyone! LOL.
But seriously, though. I love my husband, but I want to know when my time comes to leave this earth that I was real with everyone, and I lived my life the way I was supposed to. But, of course, that is the issue I am having right now. I just don't know what is right. I am not making any hasty decisions as far as my husband and I are concerned. I do love him, but more of a best friend than a husband. All I know is that I love women and am very attracted to them.
I just want to thank you all! I love EC and the advice that everyone gives. You guys are awesome, and I appreciate you all being there for me! (&&&)

[Gumtree]

WoW, what a pickle!

I will keep it simple.

Honesty and truth; everything not said is a tear later shed.

After that, follow your heart. Cliche I know but you say you don't want your child to grow up in a broken home, personally I see 2 happy homes much better then one unhappy one.

[SJ17]

Oh hon! I know that pain. i think one thing at a time is best.

Work out if you want to be with your hubby first. Even if there isn't K - will you ever be content? It's best not to leave for someone else, leave because it is the right thing to do or you may have regrets.

If you leave for K then there will always be that pressure on your relationship.

It is a biggy, and i feel for you. Your little girl will be a happy if you are. Kids are better than adults at this stuff!

Good luck, it will be easier one day. X