My homophobic bisexual friend

[Geist]

Okay so one of the people who I have been friends with for a long time came out to me as bisexual. I thought now maybe he would be able to see the world from a new perspective and maybe after he came out to himself he would be able to understand my position a little better and be able to provide support and just be a good friend.

Oh how wrong I was it turns out the next week he tries to find a drunk girl for me to make out with to "cure me" I was so dumbfounded that he would even consider doing such a thing. As it turns out he is still the same narrow minded idiot he has always been. Except now instead of telling me I'm straight he is telling me that I am just a confused bisexual. It pisses me off that he actually thinks that somehow he has a better idea of what I feel. And now it is starting to get to the point of pure homophobia he dislikes gay people and no matter how much I try to reason with him I get nowhere, and he always seems to say these things around his friends just so I can't call him out on it because he is still closeted and I promised to keep it secret.

I just don't know what to do about it. I would love to still be friends with him, but I am starting to lose it and I am almost ready to just say forget it and stop being friends with him. There are times when I just want to out him, but I know that would be a horrible mistake that is his baggage and he will have to cross that bridge eventually. After all I know what it is like to be afraid to be outed and I could never do something like that to anyone no matter how big of a jack ass they are.

[Fiorino]

Sounds to me like your friend is having trouble accepting himself.
Maybe let him know you're there for him, and then leave him
alone for a while, while he accepts his sexuality. Don't do
anything drastic, some people just have trouble coming out.

Hope that helped (*hug*)

[smilealways]

Maybe you could try and have a proper talk to him, if you havent done it already. He needs to know that you want him to be a friend who tries to understand you, instead of telling you what you are. He needs to know what he is doing to you. Friends should understand things about each other.
And you have to let him come out himself. It's his life, not yours.

[Gumtree]

Perhaps he wants you to reveal his secret to his friends.

A strange method of coming out.

[mediumdietcoke]

I'd say he's just really internalized his homophobia, and that is how he was taught to act.
Him being still in the closet is proof of that.

or maybe he's just kinda a strange kid =D

[Lexington]

OK, let me ask you - why do you still want to be friends with him? If he's going to keep criticizing you, and trying to "cure" you, this isn't someone you really should be hanging around with. So give him an ultimatum. "I'm gay, I'm not changing, so just accept that and drop the homophobic bullshit." If he doesn't, walk.

Lex

[Quitex]

"i'm Gay, I'm Not Changing, So Just Accept That And Drop The Homophobic Bullshit."

Amen.

[Ambrosio]

Lexington is correct. *with what he said

Try and be assertive. -- Very important, I'd say in your situation

[Mind Freak]

Maybe he thought he was gay at one point and thinks that you are going through what he went through;; and maybe he's just trying to "cure" you because he realized he wasn't all gay by kissing a girl.

Just speaking hypothetically. :)

Um. Also maybe just tell him to back off and stfu or remind him that you know you're gay.

[420inc]

So give him an ultimatum. "I'm gay, I'm not changing, so just accept that and drop the homophobic bullshit." If he doesn't, walk.

Lex

nail / head

A big hello to Geist!! I'm like a stones throw away from yas. :smilewave

[Sam]

It sounds like your friend isn't comfortable and accepting of himself so he is taking it out on you. I don't know what to tell you other than stand up for yourself and say look I'm gay and I'm not going to change so deal with it. I don't know if he would be offended if you tried to help him or not but I would try and see if talking to him can make a difference because I have a feeling he is uncomfortable with himself and I think that maybe if you can get him to talk it might help not only him but your friendship.

[ccdd]

Not knowing your friend, I can't tell if the problem is internalised homophobia or that he's an asshole. But I suggest talking to him seriously and making it clear that you have a problem with how he's acting towards you. If he continues, then you can either tolerate it, or walk away. Of course, he might mature, or he might not. But if you're lucky he might appreciate having a long serious discussion about it all. It may well be that he's not mature enough yet to deal with his and your sexuality in any other way than joking around and basically being annoying.

[NuthinButLuv]

I'll premise this by saying I over analyze everything, so take it with a grain of salt...

Maybe your friend isn't bi, but is gay. I know many people that had trouble accepting they were gay and started by identifying as bisexual because it somehow made it easier for them to accept if they still had some attraction to the opposite sex. The could still lead a normal life if they ignored the "other half".

If that's the case, it may be he's not really reacting to your being gay, but his own fear of being gay himself. Maybe he sees in you the part of himself that he's not able to accept yet, and getting you to "like girls" is his way of trying to convince himself that he likes girls and can be "cured" himself.

I know that sounds like a bit of a stretch, but I can't see why he would be so anti-gay otherwise (based on the little bit of info in the post), unless he is just an asshole. If he is, I'd say follow Lex's advice.

[sblvd06]

To me it sounds like this guy isn't gay or bi. It sounds like he's just playing with you, and not in a friendly sort of way. What kind of bi would try to "cure" their gay friend? I think you need to find another friend.