How long was your denial?

[ccdd]

How long was your denial?

What was the length of time between your first inkling that you were LGBT, and your first ever coming out/coming out to yourself. For first inkling, take that as you will: I'm taking mine as when I first had the thought but fearfully pushed it away! I think it would be interesting to see the different lengths of time in graph form. (Not entirely sure what lengths of time to put though, as some people were really quick and others took ages!)

For me it was 11 years :eusa_doh:

[Martin]

I never really denied it. I just kind of ignored it for about 3 or 4 years because I had other things to worry about. Eventually (at 16) I accepted it but went into panic mode about how others would react. :p

[UnderARock]

I was in denial for a long time. Didn’t start to accept till I was out of school. I was in denial till just b4 i turned 18

[-Michael-]

Ive just known from about 12.
I just got on with my life really.

People suspected things in secondary school.
But ive never really had a problem accepting who i am.

:)

[ausdtc]

I'm not sure how what to answer here exactly. My very first memory that hinted at me being gay was when I was about 12 or so. I recall saying to Mum that I thought Jason, the red power ranger, was cute! And then her telling me that boys don't say other boys are cute. But, at the time I thought nothing of it at all.

Up until about a year or so ago I never thought that I was gay, but still did things that *should* have made me think that (you know, looking at gay porn primarily etc.).. It's weird, I have no clue why it didn't hit me until then. But, there was definite denial afterwards for several months!

[beyondken]

From 12 to nearly 17 at the absolute very least for me. But in terms of having crushes on girls I tried to push out of my mind, without even thinking about the possibility of being gay (just "oh no, hang on, I can't like them, so I don't")... pshhh, who knows? Age of seven? Eight? I didn't have the vocab, but I had the attraction and the avoidance of it. :confused:

[Kimi]

I think I took like 6 monthes to just accept that I'm gay.

Well, more like "Oh what the hell, I'm gay and who is gonna care...."

[Brandford]

Like martin i pretty much ignored it till 8th grade then i started really looking at boys in the 9th grade, so i pretty much didnt have any denial

[Gumtree]

Kinda just realised in year 7 that something was different.

BAM and suddenly i was out to the world.

[biisme]

I kinda wondered one day (after I read a book), and then I pondered it for a day or two (just to figure out if I was) and when I decided I was, I was fine.

[GunStarre]

For me, it's a bit confusing.
I've been watching *ahem* gay porn since around the end of 7th grade and I didn't really realize the whole aspect of the whole "gay/straight" thing. So I thought nothing of it.

Then, in the middle of my eight grade year, I had an epiphany that I'm gay. And it was just that. I just confirmed it :p

... It's weird too. When I was young and living in my home country (Philippines), I get teased a lot (not bullied) about being gay. I didn't really pay attention to it so much, since I was like, maybe eight. At that age, all I cared about was playing with all my friends :)

[ltb2511]

I came out almost three years ago as bi, two years as gay and i still go through phases of denial.

[Vic]

Hm. I knew something was different in 7th grade when I stumbled upon naked guys on the internet. At that point, I was still having crushes left and right on girls. So I ignored this attraction to men, while continuing to look at them online... Skip a few years to the 10th grade, and I ended up having a huge crush on some dude. So I believed I was bi and still didn't want anything much to do with being gay. It wasn't too long ago where I suddenly realized that I'm just plain gay.

So I guess that's probably about 5-6 years.

[Wander]

From some time in sixth grade to halfway through ninth. I went through so many different ideas during that period, from trying to change to just ignoring it.

[jazzrawr]

Well, depends on what denial means. In grade 9, i was like "psshh, i'm just bi. I can still have a boyfriend." That was denial i guess. But I accepted that i liked girls ever since i read my first girl/girl fanfiction out of curiosity. XD

[Lexington]

Honestly, I didn't even consider the notion that I might be gay until I was 20. I don't think it was denial - it was just utter cluelessness. Once I gave it some thought, and realized I might be gay, I more or less accepted it within a week. (And enjoyed the accompanying sex drive increase.)

Lex

[mikeh]

It's kind of funny looking back now, at how far in denial I really was. Somehow the fact that I was turned on by gay porn made no connection with the idea that I might be gay...

It was just a few months ago, while I was reading some book review on Amazon and it mentioned internalized homophobia. I had no idea why I was crying over it, until I realized it was practically a description of me.

I remember more than once in high school, some friends were wondering why I wasn't going out with anyone, told me I should find a girl or boy friend. Of course back then I had to keep up the facade of being offended at the suggestion I was gay. I think maybe they knew something I didn't!

[HalfInsane]

I was in denial for three years. I'd find myself checking out girls starting in grade 8, but I'd refuse to ever tell myself it was because I was attracted to them. I'd tell myself "Hey, you're just jealous of them is all. That's why you're doing that" and then I'd try (and fail) to be as interested in looking at guys... but I just ignored that second bit, decided it because all the guys in the school were ugly. xD

So just a bit past my 16th birthday, I was finding myself actually attracted to my one female friend, and that was when I finally allowed my logic to kick in. The fact I'd always stare at girls, and that I was starting to like one... and with those two things realized, I could no longer tell myself it was some odd "jealousy" and that, if anything, I was at least bisexual.

[riddlerno1]

Very good question!! I guess i had an inkling when i was bout 10 that i like guys when like ausdtc ^ fancied a guy off the telly rather than the girls all my mates were talking about! i sorta realised that i thought that robin from the 60's batman tv show was cute. But the growing up in high school just tried to deny my feelings and pass them off as a phase! 15 years later...........finally starting to admit i may just be gay!

[Nodnarb]

I think the first time I think I noticed was in 7th grade, when I was 11 or 12. I realized I was checking out one of my friends in the locker room, and decided that it was definately not normal. I sort of denied it/ignored it/rationalized it away for about 4 years, when I came across EC, and, for the first time ever, thought that I could be gay. Then, this January, everything came together and I realized, "Yup, I'm gay. And I'm fine with that."

[Paul_UK]

At least 10 years for me. I knew for certain when I was 16, and pretty much knew from around 14 and should have known earlier than that. But I convinced myself that it was a phase, then that when I met a girl it would all be OK etc. It took until I was 26 before I really did something about it, sought help and came out.

I chose 10-15 years in the poll.

[mediumdietcoke]

Not really too sure, but when I was 5 I definitely was like "dude... you mean I'm NOT a boy? wtf?"
and in 4th grade I was like, "Hey, she's pretty cute!"

I came out to myself as "I might like girls and guys" in 7th grade, and as "hey, I'm a dude" in 10th grade.

[gutsrie]

Even though I knew for as long as I can remember, it wasn't until high school that I started questioning myself and was in a bit of denial. But yea, as for a time frame, I don't really remember. Maybe like a year?

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

I've was in denial since I was 8 and i finally accepted it at 14.

[heatqueen]

About 2 years. :)

[ccdd]

Wow, looking at all the lengths in graph form like that makes me feel dense!

[ccdd]

Or at least extremely fearful!

[SwissBoy88]

It atook me ca. 7 years to accept it...

[Jard]

Took me about a week. I figured that the evidence was all there and convinced myself to start accepting it sooner rather than later.

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

That's a really cool question! Thanks for posting, it's very interesting. And, you're not dense! How long people spend unsure/in denial is based on so many factors, it's not a fault. It's just good that you're now through that :)

I said 2-5 years. I first thought "Oh my god, what if I'm gay?" aged about 10, but didn't admit it to myself until 14. So that was at least a good 4 years of denial.

[EthanS]

Erm... I wasnt really in denial i thought i was normal.. lol

[420inc]

I checked 5-10 years. I knew at a very young age but kept to myself. I was scared. :(

[Ronnie92]

It was kind of a month before I finally just accepted it in 7th grade.I stopped caring what people thought 6 months later

[Swamp56]

4 Years... D:

[Jebs]

Didn't accept being bi until... like 2 months ago? Didn't realize I might be bi until like... 3 years ago?

[Gamer am I]

I actually accepted it before I realized it. My self-discovery took quite a long time (at least by my standards) and I had already accepted the possibilty and told myself that I would be ok with it. I was just looking for an answer, and I was happier to be gay than to not know what I was.

[Brija]

I realized i was different than the other boys on the playground at around the age of eight. But i didn't know how i was different until i learned what the word gay meant at around age ten. Then i was like oh I'm gay... Then I started to observe all the negative stigma attached to being gay from church and my parents and kids at school and i started to hope that it was just a phase and it would all just go away. I didn't become comfortable with myself and start coming out until I was sixteen.

[Steam Giant]

I chose two years, but it's a bit more complicated than that. I only really considered that I wasn't straight in 2005, and finally stopped denying it in 2007. Prior to that, I can tell now that there were certainly signs, but I dismissed them without thought, because the people around me up until that point had me convinced that being gay was a bad thing, so I never considered myself to be anything less than 100% straight.

[Beth]

i was never terribly fussed
i was like oh ok fine...
think i was quite lucky in that way

[XXX Lou XXX]

I kind of realized at 10 or 11, and accepted it when I was 15.

[pirateninja]

For as long as I can remember. I remember at a veeeery young age having a crush on my babysitter, and not realising it was wrong I told her that I loved her. When she didn't come back, I assumed it was because of what I said, and immediately thought "That's wrong, don't do it again." Then the media kicked in. Boys with girls; okay! Everything else; NO! So I repressed it. I knew I was different, but I tried to just say "It's not there, and if it is, it's just a phase." When I reached puberty and started getting fantasies, again I just used to deny it to myself. It took a long time before I was able to admit it to myself. And even then I tried to cover it from everyone else.

Then I came out, and it was brilliant :D

[excuseyou77]

I first realized at 12 or 13 but didn't finally begin to accept it until right before turning 18.

[Seanboy23]

I first noticed something different in 6th grade when I was 12 and I had a total freak out when I went in the 7th & 8th grade boy's locker room and was mesmerized by all the naked older boys. I quickly buried that moment in the back of my mind, and it took YEARS before that event correlated with the fact that I was always staring at guys in jr. high and high school, not girls. However, like many boys/men in my generation, I went into extreme denial, got married, had kids, etc...

So for me it was about 15-20 years.

PS: Ausdtc, you are too cool. I had forgotten all about Jason the red Power Ranger!! I thought he was cute too!!! :icon_bigg

[lcr guy]

I'd have to say that some of the feelings I had as a kid, like age 8-11 explain a lot now in context but at the time without sexual awareness in the equation and that jolt of hormones at puberty, the attraction I had to some guys, especially ones a few years older than me was more like 'he's cool, I want to be like him.'
Middle school I started checking out other guys but I was always really guarded about it. Partly because I hadn't really met any gay people yet so the concept seemed foreign, and also because I wasn't completely turned off by girls. In MS, less is expected of you, so it's easier to get by.
By high school, I was still looking at guys, and the am I or aren't I consumed me. But around 15 is the time I really became in denial. In HS I'd occassionally get called gay (probably by people also in denial) but that made me want to hide it even more.
At 18 it finally clicked that I was gay, and there was no changing that.

So I'd say about 3 or 4 years of denial, (following 3 or so years of confusion/neutrality).

[Trumpetplyer23]

Well, I fell for a girl in my gym class. Simple as that. Realized that I liked girls and guys and decided to deal with it instead of denying it and started coming out to my close personal friends.

So, that's my interesting story.

[MusicIsLife]

For me, it's a bit confusing.
I've been watching *ahem* gay porn since around the end of 7th grade and I didn't really realize the whole aspect of the whole "gay/straight" thing. So I thought nothing of it.

I was pretty similar.

From about age 12-14, i watched lesbian porn, and i didnt think anything of being gay/straight. Then at age 15 [at the time i was involved with a guy] i realised that i liked girls. But since i was with a guy, i assumed i was Bi, because lesbians dont date boys.

After we broke up less than a year later, i started freaking out cause i knew that i was gay, but i didnt want to be. The denial continued till i was 18, when i started to come out.

[Derek the Wolf]

A little less than a year for me. Although I think it was easier for me to accept it being bi. I can guarantee it would've taken longer if I only liked guys.

[SamAlex728]

no denial, just confusion

[SJ17]

My mum asked me if I was gay when I was 19. I so wish I had said yes! She's cool like that. I have always loved girl on girl porn but thought I was bi - and found it easy to admit that.. the next step is a bit harder.

[smilealways]

I was never in denial. For me, it wasnt like trying to accept but more like finding out about myself. I was doing gay stuff (not sex. lol) since I was about 7 years old and when I was 12, I learnt what a gay person is and found out that I was one.

[James]

Almost a year for me.

[myra]

I've always liked guys and girls. In elementary school i thought it was "normal." I was pretty sure everyone was like me. Then in 7th grade i found out what I felt was considered bi. So i denied it because i was a "good christian girl" (not anymore though!) and stayed in the closet to myself and others until the beginning of my senior year. Then i just totally accepted myself and it was great!

[Miaplacidus]

Hm...

I started messing with guys when I was 12, but didn't seriously think I might be something other than straight till I was 16... then I faced the fact that I was gay...

[Mickey]

I heard the word "lesbian" for the first time,when I was 13. My heart started to race!
I got really nervous. It was a shock to my system when I realized 2 women could be together. When I was 14,I had my first girl on girl kiss. I was so scared...I KNEW I liked that...A LOT! I denied those feelings til I was 16,and then LOOK OUT WORLD! I had my first real relationship that year. So,I guess 2 years,although I was so young,I don't know if it was really denial or just confusion. At any rate,after 16,I never looked back!

[david4141]

Guess im still in denial, trying to figure it all out. I have recently gotten out of a hetero relationship, finding myself only turned on by gay porn and gay thoughts, so I guess I still have alot to figure out

[NathanHaleFan]

Uh, speaking of the graph of our results, we're getting a pretty nice bell curve here.

[luvisneverwrong]

i first had a little crush on a girl when i was in 7th grade, but i pushed that out of my mind and forgot about it. then as time passed, i started questioning my sexuality. last year ( in 10th grade), i went out with a guy for 6 months, even though i kissed a girl and i liked it ( haha). i thought that maybe i'd find that i was attracted to him. that was a HUGE mistake. pretending to be someone i wasn't didn't work. it was hard for both him and me. i'm no longer in denial. i'm still pretty much in the closet, but these kind of things take time

[bitou]

Well , It was a hard fight for me . I was convince that I would overcome those feelings , but I just realized that I was doing myself not good for running away from the truth.

[The Enigmatic]

I was never in denial, but sometimes I wonder if I'm gay because I say so......
I can probably say that I'm at least bisexual, but I'll never do it with a girl.
Vaginas are the devil!

[EM68]

I think I was in denial for years looking back now. I was in active denial and really struggling with my sexuality for a couple of years. It wasn't until I found EC was I able to accept myself. Thanks guys! (*hug*)