Do I have a right to be upset?

[Aaron]

OK. So yesterday I visited my friend at her work for like two hours. She mentioned that we should get together for coffee today. I said sure, and was excited, because I never get to see her outside of work. I mean, it's not a hug deal, but it's a porn store so sometimes we get some...err...weird interruptions, if you catch my drift.

So I phone her today, and she doesn't answer the phone forever. Finally she phones me back just before four and tells me that she's decided to go to the gym first because she wants to work out for about a half hour. So I'm thinking 10 minutes to the gym, 30 minutes in the gym, and then ten minutes over to the Starbucks, only to hang out with her for about 2 minutes before she goes to work, which is at 5.

Then, when I tell her to forget it, she's like OK, and tells me that I have no right to be upset. I told her that I felt like dirt when she decided to go to the gym instead of see me, and then got upset when I wanted to see her for longer than 3 or 4 minutes. Like, honestly, is it worth it for me to walk the dog, make sure my grandma can watch him, get the car from my mom, drive over, and spend money on gas and coffee to say hi and get a hug, only to have her walk out?

I dunno...I guess I just needed to vent. Uggh! :mad:

[hawkeye]

I think you have the right to be upset, its not like you had nothing to take care of to come. Considering that you are friends, i dont think that you should take this too far, everyone makes mistakes and doesnt think about others on accident. I think that you should say something simple to her that you were upset she couldnt make it and that you were looking forward to it.

I had some friends before, and we'd all make plans to do something only for half of them to drop out at the last moment. homecoming, 3 of the guys were staying over after the danse. I find out at the dance that 1 wasnt going to come, and another was only staying for 3 hours. the last person decided to leave because of noone else staying. All it took was to tell them that I was dissapointed and that I felt like i couldn't trust them anymore. It all worked out fine, and we are better frends now.

Sometimes you just have to wake people up from childhood.

[nisomer]

Yes you do have the right to be upset, especially after you did all that stuff to be able to go see her. But maybe she doesn't understand why you are upset. Perhaps if you explained to her your feelings more and talked it out she would understand.

[Paul_UK]

It sounds like she didn't change her plans to hurt you or to avoid you. More likely she didn't really think about it from your point of view at all - she just though she'd see you after the gym for a bit and that'd be great, but didn't think about how that would affect you (lots of travelling for a short chat etc). Female logic....

Of course you have a right to be upset, but try not to let it get to you. Just remember that it was a mix-up caused by her not thinking, and nothing more. Next time you see her, mention how the change of plan upset you but don't dwell on it. I'm sure she'll understand and be more considerate next time, then you can carry on as usual.

[TriBi]

Well, I think Paul said it all...

Usually, situations like these arise becoz we see things from one perspective (I had to make all these arrangements and do all these things) and the other person (she) simply thinks "so what's the big deal..."

Would she have had any way of knowing that it involved quite a bit of inconvenience for you to do all this stuff in order to meet up with her? I rather doubt it. In which case, perhaps you could give her the benefit of the doubt.