I want to kiss him

[goratrix]

Ok, I have a small problem. When (and that's only WHEN) I get something in my mind... I can't get it out. and I end up doing it.

So... I was talking on the phone with LM the other day, and she was telling me about her problems and all that... and something just occured to me. What would AC do if I just walked up to him one day and passionately kiss him.

So... I asked a few of my friends (the ones I'm out to) what would they do if they were in AC's place. Like... how would they react. They all agreed that the outcome was quiet impossible to foresee... but some of them (most actually) suggested I should try.

Now... every fiber of my body wants to do it... but my brain (that is actually the most powerful part of my being) knows that I shouldn't... and I don't know how long my brain will stay in control...

Anyway... I fear that eventually I'll do it... and loose him forever, as a friend and as everything. Not to mention the risk of loosing TKD itself, which would probably be close the losing my life...

any input.

I think I'll be able to hold my back for a while... and hopefully it'll go away in a few days... but I don't think so... :'(

[nisomer]

lol goratrix... I'd say kiss him and get it over with. But that just wouldn't be right now would it? Follow the only thing that is stopping you--your brain. Wait, but wasn't it your brain that made you think of kissing him? Oh who am I kidding. Don't listen to me, I have no idea what I am talking about.

I'll just leave you with a quote from master Obi-Wan Kenobi: "You must do what you feel is right, of course."

[goratrix]

That actually made more sense than you figure.... And master Kenobi is quiet right... just... i don't really know what I feel is right. On one hand I want to do it sooo bad... but on the other... I don't want to loose him as a friend.... :'(

oh, and yet again, here I am with a dilemma... It's so simple, and yet so complicated... REALLY! what's wrong with me... I'll find myself more interesting problems...

[Jordano]

I hear ya, there's someone I just want to passionately kiss, and for awhile too, but it's quite impossible in my case...anyway!

So I don't know much about the history of you and AC...does he know you're gay, and do you think he might be gay? I ask these because if he knows you're gay then if something wouldve happened it wouldve happened by now so I guess I answered my own question. But if you think he might be gay I would choose your decision carefully because I thought my huge crush was gay and totally wanted to kiss him on several occasions but didnt and asked if he was first, finding out that he isnt and probably wouldve made a fool outta myself by doing so. But just by talking about it we've maintained our friendship, and just that!

You'll know what the right thing to do is, but if you can see you and AC being friends after you kiss him, go for it, because the worst that can happen is a simple awkward moment occurs, and in that case life moves on. But don't expect the worst cause situations are usually never that bad. GOOD LUCK!

Oh and about the brain thing, to me your brain is telling you not to but your heart or maybe even a different body part (haha) is telling to kiss him...

[Micah]

Stay strong, goratrix :) and continue thinking with your head. Not only could you upset him, but you could loose a friendship all because you gave into your desires. There's also the whole thing with him being underage. I don't think just kissing him out of the blue will solve anything.

Most guys, especially straight guys, don't take kindly to being kissed by another male.
In my oppinion the small chance of him responding to the kiss in a positive way isn't worth the risk of loosing him as a friend.

[TriBi]

Well, I was going to post my advice - but Dave pretty well said what I was going to, anyway.

I just think back to one time when I ended up doing something I wouldn't normally have even contemplated with a straight mate (we were both drunk at the time) and it pretty much ruined the friendship.

I wouldn't suggest you try something with someone you think quite a lot of, and is heavily involved in the sport you really enjoy, unless you are very sure of a positive outcome....and from everything you have said, I doubt that would be the case.

[joeyconnick]

Technically kissing someone without their consent can be construed as sexual assault, so unless you are very sure it will be welcomed, don't do it. Can you imagine how you'd feel if someone kissed you out of the blue and you weren't at all interested in them or expecting it? It's a total violation.

(Side note: I was at a party one time and lying on a couch. A guy I knew and was friendly with, though we were not actually friends, decided it would be funny if he got on top of me and dry-humped me--in front of other people. Now, if I had been into him and he'd done that, I don't think I would have minded. But I wasn't and I felt very, very angry and very humiliated and as a result, I did not ever talk to him again.)

As for how badly you want to do it, that's not an excuse for doing it. If wanting something badly made it okay to do it, I know I would likely be responsible for several dead bodies and missing persons.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to kiss someone. There is definitely a problem with actually kissing them unless you are very convinced it is something that is going to be welcomed.

[hawkeye]

even from the standpoint of liking guys, if a guy, even one i liked, came up and kissed me, I'd more than likely push him away. Not because I didnt want the kiss, or even didnt like it, but i think I would be scared of the environment, and scared of having something that i am used to the idea of not having. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but if you are just kissed out of the blue for no reason, the first thing that seems natural to come to mind is confusion. For these reasons, I advise letting the feeling go, it would probably go sour even if he was gay. after all, considering he's a blackbelt, he probably wouldn't just push you.

[nisomer]

^^exactly

[goratrix]

I've ran the scenario in my mind so many times, and then some more. I can't see anything good turning out from this... And there is the issue that it might be considered sexual assault, and that he's most likely homophobic, and most certainly straight.

Ohhh. It would've been fun to see his reaction... though I don't think I would be physically hurt (not much anyway) I know it would devastate our friendship... and there'd be nothig left.

ok... I'll just daydream about it and let it go...

Thanks... and to think that many of my friends actually told me to do it... Thanks guys.

[Jordano]

Thank yourself - you made the real decision, we just kinda helped you along the way! :smile:

[Kinuki]

A 'hello' to everyone here. =)

But on to the matter at hand: the question posed by this topic.

I'm suffering the same problem at the moment. One of my best friends (whom I've been friends with for about 5 years now) has begun looking very attractive; I find reasons to touch him, like slapping him playfully on the back or shaking hands, to help relieve my urges to do something more. But lately, as stress has been building up inside me, I wish I could just be wth him, because I think I'm starting to fall for him (though I can't say I'm entirely certain; there are many reasons that I could be feeling this way, hormones for example). The problem is that I don't know how he'd react at all; he sends very mixed signals. He talks and acts straight, but he's only ever had one girlfriend, for a week, that didn't even get to kissing, before they split up. It's been about 3 years since then, and when we joke he hasn't found a girlfriend, he just responds, "I'm waiting for the right one," which may or not be a lie. I've said the same thing myself to my friends, trying to cover why I don't have one (when in reality, I'm not sure if I want one or not, but that's not the issue here).

So, without knowing definatively where his preferences lie makes it very frustrating, because if I knew I could defintely never be with him, I could make my heart cut the feelings that I'm experiencing, instead of constantly being in an emotional limbo.

[goratrix]

First of all, welcome to the forum. I hope you have a great time here!

I can understand your situation. It would be good if you told us a little about yourself, because each situation is different and is to be addressed diferently. However, I do feel that I can tell you that your feelings are completely natural, believe me, I've experienced them myself many times.

As to whether he's straight or not... well you can alwas ask (XD) but mixed signals are common. Not having girfriend is not a signal. I'm sorry, but I have a couple of friends (quiet a few actually) that haven't had a girlfriend in a few years (almost 5). And I'm pretty certain that they are straight (except about one of them that I think is asexual XD). If he acts not interested at all or way too interested, i.e if he goes to the extremes, you can suspect there is something off... and perhaps you'd be able to bring it up in a conversation.

Anyway, you don't say much about yourself, and that makes it quiet difficult to give any advice at all...

Most important of all, make peace with yourself, and you shall have peace with others.

[Kinuki]

Sorry for the belated response; been very busy lately.

Well, a little background.

I'm 15, turning 16, entering my junior year of High School. I've known I was different from everyone else for about three years now, though I still don't know in what way; I guess you could label me as "confused" for now if you had to, because I keep approaching the first step of coming out (coming out to yourself) but end up falling back before I get there, because just as I think I know for sure, I end up second-guessing myself. I go to a homophobic highschool, and am a second child (of 2) of homophobic parents (naturally). I'm Protestant Christian, if I had to label myself, and Republican to boot. This makes me feel like I have quite a bit in common with hawkeye, I guess.

I don't know if that's enough information, but I guess I could give more if you needed it to help give me advice. I know I shouldn't do it, and I'm not stupid enough to try unless I knew for 100% sure that he would be willing to share the kiss.

Yeah, not having a girlfriend is not a signal, I see what you mean. But he is awfully quiet about such things. He makes the occasional reference to girlfriends or such, but he rarely talks about anything sexual unless someone else brings it up, and even then, he adds little. Once in awhile, of course, some guy always seems to bring up, "So, do you masturbate?" into a onversation of other guys. He just kind of blushed a bit (barely noticeable, but I swear it was there) and never really responded to the question.

What I find odd though is that he hates being touched, by anyone, really. Touching him in the side or on the stomach, even just like a playful poke or something, and he spazzes out. Any idea if that means something, or if he just really hates being touched?

Thanks for the advice. ^^;

[joeyconnick]

I'm 15, turning 16, entering my junior year of High School. I've known I was different from everyone else for about three years now, though I still don't know in what way; I guess you could label me as "confused" for now if you had to, because I keep approaching the first step of coming out (coming out to yourself) but end up falling back before I get there, because just as I think I know for sure, I end up second-guessing myself. I go to a homophobic highschool, and am a second child (of 2) of homophobic parents (naturally). I'm Protestant Christian, if I had to label myself, and Republican to boot. This makes me feel like I have quite a bit in common with hawkeye, I guess.Can one actually be Republican (or Democrat) if one can't vote yet? *grin*

What I find odd though is that he hates being touched, by anyone, really. Touching him in the side or on the stomach, even just like a playful poke or something, and he spazzes out. Any idea if that means something, or if he just really hates being touched?Occasionally, and I stress the "occasional" part, people who don't like being touched to that extent associate being touched with something really bad so it can (AT TIMES) be an indication of them having been abused.

That being said, it's more likely that he simply doesn't like being touched by acquaintances, which is hardly unusual in North American society. And being touched around the torso/stomach is not exactly a non-intimate thing (as in, it's different from being punched in the arm or a hand on the shoulder).

I certainly don't think liking or disliking being touched is ANY indication of someone's sexuality, unless they start rubbing up against someone who touches them, and even then that would only indicate they liked the person in particular, not their gender in general.

[goratrix]

I hate being touched... except for the right person (if you don't know who I mean... then you didn't read many of my posts here... XD). And I was never abussed. It's just that I hate it when people invade my 'personal space' and I become quiet agressive.

Ok, I have to say it... I DO love however, when AC touches me (oh, come on! like you didn't know... ... ok... I'll get my coat...)

[confusedkid]

Hey Kinuki... welcome to the club!

Well, a little background.

I'm 15, turning 16, entering my junior year of High School. I've known I was different from everyone else for about three years now, though I still don't know in what way; I guess you could label me as "confused" for now if you had to, because I keep approaching the first step of coming out (coming out to yourself) but end up falling back before I get there, because just as I think I know for sure, I end up second-guessing myself.
Welcome to the club! :tongue:

Although, the fact that you're here says a lot, I mean, I'm just trying to determine between gay or bisexual... the fact that I like men is, at this point, indisputable haha, although I do vacilate a lot too... it's alright tho... ur still 15, things should get a lil clearer as you get older (haha, yeah, except for me... but I'm apparently an anomaly... :lol: )

Anyway, welcome!

-CK

[hawkeye]

First of all, hi!
I'd like to reinforce the fact that not having a girlfriend is not a trustworthy sign at all. I have a cousin who is turning 19, and got his first and only girlfriend last summer, and only stayed with her for 3 weeks or so. I still dont doubt that he's straight, its just that he doesnt have that personality to be tied to someone. His brother is exactly the same way, he's my age, and probably will resist getting a girlfriend till he's 20.

I'd approach this by bringing up something relating to gays with him. If he is gay, and knows that you are open to the idea, It'd be much easier for him to tell you. Also, if he is open to the idea, if you told him, you could probably be able to figure out if he is or not. The only way you'd be able to kiss him is if he A) knows that you like guys and B) is out and open with you. Like i said earlier, if a guy just kissed me, I'd probably push him away, more than likely not because i wouldn't like it, but because I'm not used to it. If i did know a guy that is open about being gay, and he knew that I am too, I dont think it'd be nearly as big of a problem.

Also, one thing that has become apparent to me recently, it seems that straight guys trust each other a lot. They trust each other not only for advise and help, but they also trust each other that no matter what happens or gets done, they dont have to worry about a guy liking them. So, for example, lets say that my friend is straight, he feels like he can dry hump and walk around naked all he wants, and it wont matter. It wouldnt matter because he trusts that i wont make a move on him. Now, even though I would like to sometimes, I wont. but knowing that someone wont do something just doesnt hold enough trust for some people. So basicly, dont make a move unless you know he wont feel awkward acting natural around you afterwards.

Also, joey, You can be a republican without being able to vote. Its a point of view and an endorsement. I just cant vote yet.

[joeyconnick]

Also, one thing that has become apparent to me recently, it seems that straight guys trust each other a lot. They trust each other not only for advise and help, but they also trust each other that no matter what happens or gets done, they dont have to worry about a guy liking them. So, for example, lets say that my friend is straight, he feels like he can dry hump and walk around naked all he wants, and it wont matter. It wouldnt matter because he trusts that i wont make a move on him. Now, even though I would like to sometimes, I wont. but knowing that someone wont do something just doesnt hold enough trust for some people. So basicly, dont make a move unless you know he wont feel awkward acting natural around you afterwards.I don't think that's something that's restricted to straight guys. I mean, I suspect straight women feel the same way around other straight women, and lesbians around gay guys, and vice versa.

It's a dumb way to think, though. You should trust someone won't make a move on you because they're your friend, not because you think it's impossible because you think you know their sexual orientation. I mean, look at your case. People are so hung up on the sheer TERROR of having someone "make a move on them." The problem isn't whether someone would possibly want to make a move on you, the problem is people's unfounded anxiety with being hit on (well that and the people who don't understand how to politely hit on people).

Stupid North American Puritan-based Victorian sex phobias! I hate how being hit on by a guy is constructed as the most horrible thing that can happen to straight guy. Like it says ANYTHING about the recipient's sexual orientation! *sigh* People are so fucking dumb.

[confusedkid]

if a guy just kissed me, I'd probably push him away, more than likely not because i wouldn't like it, but because I'm not used to it.
*speaks from personal experience* Believe me, don't push him away, just go with it. :lol: And my experience was in public... :icon_eek: :eusa_danc

-CK

[goratrix]

*speaks from personal experience* Believe me, don't push him away, just go with it. :lol: And my experience was in public... :icon_eek: :eusa_danc

-CK

Hmmm, I sense a story I should very much like to read....

[joeyconnick]

*speaks from personal experience* Believe me, don't push him away, just go with it. :lol: And my experience was in public... :icon_eek: :eusa_danc

-CKSpill!

[hawkeye]

i sure hope i take the advise when the time comes, but until then, i'd also like to hear the story!

[Kinuki]

First of all, hi!
I'd like to reinforce the fact that not having a girlfriend is not a trustworthy sign at all. I have a cousin who is turning 19, and got his first and only girlfriend last summer, and only stayed with her for 3 weeks or so. I still dont doubt that he's straight, its just that he doesnt have that personality to be tied to someone. His brother is exactly the same way, he's my age, and probably will resist getting a girlfriend till he's 20.

I'd approach this by bringing up something relating to gays with him. If he is gay, and knows that you are open to the idea, It'd be much easier for him to tell you. Also, if he is open to the idea, if you told him, you could probably be able to figure out if he is or not. The only way you'd be able to kiss him is if he A) knows that you like guys and B) is out and open with you. Like i said earlier, if a guy just kissed me, I'd probably push him away, more than likely not because i wouldn't like it, but because I'm not used to it. If i did know a guy that is open about being gay, and he knew that I am too, I dont think it'd be nearly as big of a problem.

Also, one thing that has become apparent to me recently, it seems that straight guys trust each other a lot. They trust each other not only for advise and help, but they also trust each other that no matter what happens or gets done, they dont have to worry about a guy liking them. So, for example, lets say that my friend is straight, he feels like he can dry hump and walk around naked all he wants, and it wont matter. It wouldnt matter because he trusts that i wont make a move on him. Now, even though I would like to sometimes, I wont. but knowing that someone wont do something just doesnt hold enough trust for some people. So basicly, dont make a move unless you know he wont feel awkward acting natural around you afterwards.

Also, joey, You can be a republican without being able to vote. Its a point of view and an endorsement. I just cant vote yet.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Yeah, I noticed that trust too, and that's something that keeps me from coming out once I do decide what I am. I mean, my friends feel comfortable around me all the time because they assume I'm straight; I mean, I joke around that I'll plan my friend's bachelor party for him, and we just laugh about it and such. But I'm afraid that if I come out, he'll feel awkward around me, expecially in a situation like that. I mean, whether I'm attracted to a woman or not shouldn't dictate me spending time hanging out with him, should it?

Instead of bringing something up about gays with my other friend, since he's shy and quiet, I'm thinking if I came out to him eventually, then that might act as a catalyst for him if he is gay/bi and let me know for certain.

But now I need some more advice, not relating to this in particular, but still very important.

You see, I have an online friend, who I'll refer to by her pesudonym "Aqua." I've known her for about half a year, and we're really good friends. I met her through another close friend of mine, since they were dating. Now, she lives in Canada, about 12 hours away from me. We were thinking of pooling our money together so she could come down to visit us (all of our friends) and stay for like a week. I was hoping to figure things out by then, and if need be, come out to her while she was here. But now, they've broken up, and she says there's no reason to come down here anymore, even though she likes us all as friends. So basically, the only person I trusted to be able to tell has been cut off, since telling her through a messenger just doesn't seem plausible to me.

Normally this wouldn't seem like such a big deal i suppose, but none of my other friends did I trust as much as her to help me through everything. And now I don't have that support anymore. It's starting to make things worse. I took a knife and cut my hand. It wasn't big, or deep. It was a very shallow cut. But the fact remains I did it. I'm starting to become afraid of myself.

So now I have no one to help me if I needed it, and I did something bad. I feel like Life just fucked around with me again. I'm in dire need of guidance. I feel like I'm stumbling around blindly in the dark.

[confusedkid]

Wow... please don't hurt yourself again. My friend was a cutter and her situation was not good. I would suggest that you talk to someone, a school counselor, help line or, lastly, us. But just FYI, remember check your Private Messages (up in the corner).

-CK

[confusedkid]

Ok, since sooo many people were interested in the story (even though it's not too terribly interesting)...

Ok, so, a few weeks ago at Capital Pride (the pride parade here in DC) I went and joined up with a few friends in DuPont Circle (a neighborhood in Washington, locally known as the center of the gay universe in the the District). And so yeah, while we were there, we were drinking (straight rum and vodka and sprite, for those who are interested lol), but my friends had been drinking long before I got there. Anyway, we're having a good time (the drag Queens loved me... I got sooo many beads... :eusa_danc ) but yeah, my one friend turns around and just starts to make out with me! At first thought, I wanted to push him away but I didn't for a good bit. Meanwhile, a bunch of people around us started hooting and hollering and stuff, which was mildly embarrassing but whatever. So yeah, that went on for a little bit, until I remembered that my friend's boyfriend was standing, like, uhhh right there. So that was the end of that, purely out of respect for their relationship... :lol: But yeah, had he not been attached already I would've gone with it... and presently I know of someone I wish I could do that too right now... :eusa_shhh :lol: :eusa_danc

-CK

[joeyconnick]

Ok, since sooo many people were interested in the story (even though it's not too terribly interesting)...

Ok, so, a few weeks ago at Capital Pride (the pride parade here in DC) I went and joined up with a few friends in DuPont Circle (a neighborhood in Washington, locally known as the center of the gay universe in the the District). And so yeah, while we were there, we were drinking (straight rum and vodka and sprite, for those who are interested lol), but my friends had been drinking long before I got there. Anyway, we're having a good time (the drag Queens loved me... I got sooo many beads... :eusa_danc ) but yeah, my one friend turns around and just starts to make out with me! At first thought, I wanted to push him away but I didn't for a good bit. Meanwhile, a bunch of people around us started hooting and hollering and stuff, which was mildly embarrassing but whatever. So yeah, that went on for a little bit, until I remembered that my friend's boyfriend was standing, like, uhhh right there. So that was the end of that, purely out of respect for their relationship... :lol: But yeah, had he not been attached already I would've gone with it... and presently I know of someone I wish I could do that too right now... :eusa_shhh :lol: :eusa_danc

-CKWow... cool story. Well except for the fact of him being attached to someone else. :icon_eek:

Still, definitely a nice anecdote.

[nisomer]

Normally this wouldn't seem like such a big deal i suppose, but none of my other friends did I trust as much as her to help me through everything. And now I don't have that support anymore. It's starting to make things worse. I took a knife and cut my hand. It wasn't big, or deep. It was a very shallow cut. But the fact remains I did it. I'm starting to become afraid of myself.

So now I have no one to help me if I needed it, and I did something bad. I feel like Life just fucked around with me again. I'm in dire need of guidance. I feel like I'm stumbling around blindly in the dark.

Yeah I agree with CK, you need to find someone to talk to...anyone. It may not seem bad first, but it will get worse when you do it more often. And although it probably feels good during the moment when you do hurt yourself like that, it is a very bad way to relieve yourself from other pains or emotions that you have. Please, I urge not to try it anymore. If you ever need someone to talk to, we are all here.

[goratrix]

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Yeah, I noticed that trust too, and that's something that keeps me from coming out once I do decide what I am. I mean, my friends feel comfortable around me all the time because they assume I'm straight; I mean, I joke around that I'll plan my friend's bachelor party for him, and we just laugh about it and such. But I'm afraid that if I come out, he'll feel awkward around me, expecially in a situation like that. I mean, whether I'm attracted to a woman or not shouldn't dictate me spending time hanging out with him, should it?

Ok, I feel that embedded answers are in place now. I have a friend, I came out to him and I noticed he wasn't all ok with it. I let time pass and I still felt I made him uneasy... once I asked him in person, and he changed the subject (which was a clear sign that I still made hin uneasy), so I let it go by.

Just a few days ago I found him online and we started talking about stuff and I made a comment about being gay and he said 'that still sounds odd'. So I asked once again, and this time I didn't let it go by. We had a nice conversation about the issue, and well... now we are both working on overcoming this obstacle.

Then again, some of my other friends know, and couldn't care less... they still act as they did before they knew... so... just take it for what it is: personal experience... do what you will.


But now I need some more advice, not relating to this in particular, but still very important.

You see, I have an online friend, who I'll refer to by her pesudonym "Aqua." I've known her for about half a year, and we're really good friends. I met her through another close friend of mine, since they were dating. Now, she lives in Canada, about 12 hours away from me. We were thinking of pooling our money together so she could come down to visit us (all of our friends) and stay for like a week. I was hoping to figure things out by then, and if need be, come out to her while she was here. But now, they've broken up, and she says there's no reason to come down here anymore, even though she likes us all as friends. So basically, the only person I trusted to be able to tell has been cut off, since telling her through a messenger just doesn't seem plausible to me.

Coming out to friends that live abroad is not easy. I had to do it over MSN with two. It wasn't pretty, and I felt like I was hiding behind MSN. I did it that way for many reasons, but the main one was that they live 12 hours away, and it's not a jurney I can easyly make...

So you should consider coming out to her over MSN, or perhaps even by email (if you surf the forum a little you'll find a letter that was very moving, a guy that came out to his parents with that letter)

Normally this wouldn't seem like such a big deal i suppose, but none of my other friends did I trust as much as her to help me through everything. And now I don't have that support anymore. It's starting to make things worse. I took a knife and cut my hand. It wasn't big, or deep. It was a very shallow cut. But the fact remains I did it. I'm starting to become afraid of myself.

So now I have no one to help me if I needed it, and I did something bad. I feel like Life just fucked around with me again. I'm in dire need of guidance. I feel like I'm stumbling around blindly in the dark.

I've never actually done anything, though I toyed with the idea... those countless nights while driving that I would just wonder... and what If I just drove into that wall at 130Km/h... or what If I just grab this sword and put it through my heart... Samurai used to do it, it's an honorable death.

Still, when I started to actually consider doing any of this I saw it as a warning. I came out to LM and from there on, with all my other come outs, my life has improved quiet a bit.... except for that damn AC that still roams mi soul....

So perhaps coming out will help you, and perhaps, and I say this with all the kindness left in my heart, you should ask for help...

[Kinuki]

Well, there's two problems with going to a psychologoist or seeking help and getting a diagnosis of depression. The first is that I'd have to get a ride and have my pwarents pay for the screening, which would invariably bring up awkard questions, and also blow the cover I've carefully constructed and maintained for the past year or two of being happy and carefree (even if my grades show otherwise.) Secondly, I'm afraid of the psychologist/doctor I see telling the results and how I answered to some questions to my parents. That last thing I want is for them to know what I'm feeling at this moment. I don't want to have to confront them about any issues I may be dealing with until I'm ready.

Here's an update for those who are following this and want to know.

After coercing her for days and days with the help of her ex-boyfriend and my other friend, we have convinced ehr to cme down and visit us anyways. The catch. It's sooner than i'd expected. A LOT sooner. We're talking in less than one month she'd be coming down.

Now, I don't know about other people here, but I doubt I can get to where I need to be emotionally and mentally in time for her arrival. And at $300-$400 for this trip, I dn't know if she'd be coming down again for a long while afterwards; depending on how tight money is for her, it may be more than a year or two before she's able to come down again.

Well, I'll be thinking this over as fast as I can. confusedkid, I'll be talking to you soemtime tonight, I promise.

Please excuse any bad grammar or spelling mistakes; I'm typing this as fast as I can because I have to close it soon. ^^;

[nisomer]

Well, there's two problems with going to a psychologoist or seeking help and getting a diagnosis of depression. The first is that I'd have to get a ride and have my pwarents pay for the screening, which would invariably bring up awkard questions, and also blow the cover I've carefully constructed and maintained for the past year or two of being happy and carefree (even if my grades show otherwise.) Secondly, I'm afraid of the psychologist/doctor I see telling the results and how I answered to some questions to my parents. That last thing I want is for them to know what I'm feeling at this moment. I don't want to have to confront them about any issues I may be dealing with until I'm ready.

I see your point. Not having a car could be a problem, but still, just try to find someone to talk to. Doesn't have to be a specialist at all. Just having a person that you can tell your feelings to can be very helpful. And maybe you can get some more help through this person.

[confusedkid]

Well, there's two problems with going to a psychologoist or seeking help and getting a diagnosis of depression. The first is that I'd have to get a ride and have my pwarents pay for the screening, which would invariably bring up awkard questions, and also blow the cover I've carefully constructed and maintained for the past year or two of being happy and carefree (even if my grades show otherwise.)

That may be a problem... I don't know where you live, but many larger metropolitan areas have free clinics where you don't need insurance or anything like that. And then there's always the toll-free lines...

Secondly, I'm afraid of the psychologist/doctor I see telling the results and how I answered to some questions to my parents. That last thing I want is for them to know what I'm feeling at this moment. I don't want to have to confront them about any issues I may be dealing with until I'm ready.

Psychologists and psychiatrists (and any doctor for that matter) are bound by the same laws ragarding patient privacy. No person you go and talk to will tell your parents ANYTHING about what you have told a healthcare professional. The only way a psychiatrist/psychologist/doctor can break this confidentiality is A) if the professional believes you are in immediate danger of harming eitehr yourself or others, B) if the professional suspects child abuse, either now or in the past, C) if they are served with a valid court subpoena for your medical records, and lastly, D) if you give your parents permission to review your medical records. Other than that, you're safe. Just because you may be under 18 doesn't mean that you can't be able to have confidential health services.

I hope you're doing better. Contact me whenenver you want if you would like to talk!

-CK

[goratrix]

You know... I was going to say the doctor-patien privacy thing, but then... once, long ago, my brother went to a psychologist and this psychologist told my mother almost everything my brother told him, totally violating his works ethics. Now, I'm not saying this is the case, I've been to a few psychologists, and they never broke that trust... but I'm just saying it happens... so I can see why it would be an issue for you to do that...

BTW: I'm writing in a text-based browser... this site isn't exactly friendly, but hey... I'll have to learn to live with it... XD
I am halfway through KDE install on Gentoo... and it's taking AGES... I still have somewhat 45 ebuilds to finish... XD

[Proud1p4]

Ok, I have a small problem. When (and that's only WHEN) I get something in my mind... I can't get it out. and I end up doing it.

So... I was talking on the phone with LM the other day, and she was telling me about her problems and all that... and something just occured to me. What would AC do if I just walked up to him one day and passionately kiss him.

So... I asked a few of my friends (the ones I'm out to) what would they do if they were in AC's place. Like... how would they react. They all agreed that the outcome was quiet impossible to foresee... but some of them (most actually) suggested I should try.

Now... every fiber of my body wants to do it... but my brain (that is actually the most powerful part of my being) knows that I shouldn't... and I don't know how long my brain will stay in control...

Anyway... I fear that eventually I'll do it... and loose him forever, as a friend and as everything. Not to mention the risk of loosing TKD itself, which would probably be close the losing my life...

any input.

I think I'll be able to hold my back for a while... and hopefully it'll go away in a few days... but I don't think so... :'(

I totally hear you....same situation (kind of)....in science class the other day...my crush Justin was sitting in front of me on stool...i was leaning on the bench right behind him...the teacher was too busy with her little science toys to notice i was out of my place...anyway totally unexpected he fell back but there wasn't much space between me and where he fell off the stool and he landed lying on chest (we're not on the floor cuz i was leaning against a bench) anyway i was totally over him before that for about a month...but all in one moment it changed....love found it's way back to me...which isn't exactly a good thing...i love him to death...but he's straight...i dont know this for a fact but i'm not about to ask him if he's gay (he doesn't know i am)...anyway so he fell back and the heat from his body emitted onto mine...and i dunno why but every feeling i ever had for him came rushing back into me...now keep in mind now i wasn't sexually aroused...just it was such a romantic position (not in a oh-f*ck-me kinda way) that i made a move to kiss him ...but stopped myself...he never noticed a thing (he had his back to me)...i'm sorta thankful...that no one noticed....but it kills me to love him so much and he'll never know it...at least not yet...it's just the worst situation ever and my heart bleeds for you goratrix...(even if it is from a 14 year old lol)

[ok455]

I always get like that i was play fighting with this boy and i just wanted to slam aganst the wall and make out with him.

i just try to fight it

[Proud1p4]

i just try to fight it

i think that this is something every gay teen struggles with...it might not be fair:icon_cry: ...but as ok455 said...you just gotta fight it...some people go for it and for that i admire them for their courage and just totally going for it...you have a choice...but the second of them could seriously cause some problems...