Comming out o AC!! [Archive]

goratrix

10th Jun 2005, 10:05 PM

Ok, for those of you who remember (most likely popboy... please don't hit me!)

I am planning on comming out to AC. I think that while it remains unfinished business I will not be able to move on. And it can end one of two ways, good or bad. XD

So, today we spent a little time together, talking for a while. Our mutual friend (the one that had a crush on him) told us she wasn't coming any more (to tkd). It turned up that she is still comming, but only two days a week, and a little earlyer than me, so I won't be seeing her... Anyways, after a while we started talking with AC about how things would have been if she'd left for good.

Well, one thing led to another and we ended talking about secrets (talk about perfect coming out stiuation!) I didn't take the chance. I'm still not sure of his reaction... and I was afraid. Plus, tomorrow I have an important test and I can't afford to be off balance (that's why I'm writing this tonight).

The thing is that ever since I started turning my attention to one of my other friends (damn me!) I kinda started thinking that I needed to come out to AC.

Yes, and you know I'm a little obsessive and I will end up doing it.

The thing is... after reading Jordan's story I'm not so sure it'll end up well... and I have to find the perfect timing... today I blew my chance, but I wasn't ready.

Also, the consequences(sp?) could be devastating... oh... I don't know...

I know I want to tell him and move on, but I'm not sure I should...

Anyway, today we were talking with AC about this mutual friend (I should really give her a name... how about SF?). So, we were talking about SF and I told him that in a way it would make my life a little bit less complicated (literal translation of what I said) that she left. And he asked why. So I had to tell him (I didn't want to be evassive and I actually wanted to tell him). I told him that once she told me a few things and I understood that she had a crush on me, and then I told her that nothing could happen for this and that reason (didin't actually say teh reasons), and that nothing could ever happen, I'm almost sure he didn't pick the hint... but I sent it.
Then I told him I liked someone else, someone I couldn't tell and that didn't like me back, and I actually once used the word 'he', it was pretty quick and I guess he missed it.

And today he asked me for my age. It was weird.

He and SH had been talking for a while (I left them alone) (before what I just described above) and then out of nothing he asked me: hey, how old are you?. I told him 18, why? and he invented an answer. Something about soccer... that it was surprising that I didn't like soccer... like it has anything at all to do with age. HELLO! I never liked soccer!!!

What I think happened: SF (that knows I'm gay and I like AC) told him something like: 'there is someone who likes you. And HE is 18 y.o.' So by asking me my age he 'found out' it was me. I don't know... perhaps it didn't happen, or perhaps she just said something like: 'there is someone who is gay!' 'and he is 18 y.o.' or somethign... I don't know... I'm probably being paranoid... but somehow I fear that she told him and he asked me that question to get confirmation.

Still, tonight I still gave him the usual ride... so either she didn't tell him, or he's fine with it. Or perhaps he's not fine with it but has to keep pretneding (which would make him quiet a good actor) I'll try to sense any uneasyness on his side when we are alone, but...

oh, that's already too much... thanks for reading...

and wish me luck on my test tomorrow.. (actually in exactly eight hours)

confusedkid

10th Jun 2005, 10:50 PM

Much luck on your test!

I'd say... has your friend (SF) "tested the waters" with this guy? i.e., questions like "what would you say if a guy liked you?" and stuff like that... it might help gauge his reaction... But yeah, that's tough... I'd say tell him... if he's cool with it, great! If not only is he cool with it but he actually likes you back, even better! And if he's completely freaked out and wants nothing to do with you then I would reconsider how much of a friend he was in the first place... in my experience, most of the reaction I get when I come out to people now is either A) "duh." B) "and???" C) "let's go out together and pick up hott guys!?!?! (that would be my one friend)" and D) "oh. i see... well, whatever makes you happy..." I've yet to experience rejection, lol. There's only that *slight* difference that I didn't a crush on any of the people I came out to, or if I did, I knew they were gay already haha....

Yeah, so I'd say have your friend test the waters... it seems like he's putting two and two together already and your secret probably won't be for much longer...

Jordano

10th Jun 2005, 11:54 PM

The thing is... after reading Jordan's story I'm not so sure it'll end up well... and I have to find the perfect timing... today I blew my chance, but I wasn't ready.

My situation wasn't necessarily bad...I picked the perfect timing, anyway the best for my situation, and took the risk. The result wasn't what I wanted of course but it was worth taking the risk and me and my previous crush are best friends and it's almost as if it didn't happen.

All I'm saying is you'll never find out until you take the risk, the right time will come and you'll know it, good luck - and be positive!

Plus, I've moved on and met the most wonderful, perfect guy that does like me the way I like him, and I actually consider him my boyfriend, well my closeted one for sure, and I love him! So even if something bad happens with one guy, something amazing could happen with another - there are plenty of fish in the sea!

goratrix

11th Jun 2005, 11:10 AM

I just need closure with him... but I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with it if it should go wrong...

nisomer

11th Jun 2005, 06:40 PM

very interesting...especially how he asked you for your age right out of the blue, and then gave you a lame excuse as to why you asked. I guess it COULD be that he just randomly asked you, but then again, like you said, SF could have said something as well. If she did, and if AC has pulled the strings together and connected the dots, it seemed he was ok with it... maybe. Then again, he could be just not knowing how to handle it. And if he doesn't take it well, just remember that he is like how old? 14? 15? And that he still has much to learn about everything, especially situations like this. But if he does take it well, then wootwoot! for you! (!)

P.S. GL on your test :)

goratrix

11th Jun 2005, 08:00 PM

Ok... the test went well.. still no news of AC... XD

Paul_UK

12th Jun 2005, 06:21 AM

Maybe the test going well is a sign that the coming out will/is going well too?

... but I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with it if it should go wrong...
Cross that bridge if/when you reach it - and remember we'll all be here to help you as much as we can. Hopefully he'll be fine with it (maybe he guessed months ago by the way you've been looking at him etc), and you'll get confusedkid's reaction "B".

Please let us know what happens.

goratrix

12th Jun 2005, 11:22 AM

Ok, it's his move now. I gave him my number, in case he needed me to help him with math or something. I told him that there was a secret that I once told LM in my car (we were talking about the car and I said someting like 'oh, we've been through a lot this car and me'). Of course It was to awaken his curiosity. I didn't tell him I couldn't tell him right then because I needed all my emotional balance for my test, but he should ask me again and I would probably answer.

If he asks me I will answer... I don't know how he will react, but I need the closure it will bring me.

confusedkid

12th Jun 2005, 06:40 PM