straight jokes

[Phantomblade]

there are so many gay jokes out there. but what i want to know is if anyone knows any straight jokes?

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

well i made this one up myself:

Yo momma's so straight that she went to the wood store and they called her a plank!
(sorry i know it sucks but i tried...):icon_redf

[Steam Giant]

How do you fit four straight guys at the same bar stool?

Sit a hot chick on it.

Haha, that's not very funny either, but this is hard!

[Kimi]

Oooh, jokes..............not my cup of tea:rolleyes:

Though I liked xxAngelOnFirexx's and Steam Giant's joke:thumbsup:

[thommthomm]

They made me laugh, so they're not that bad!!!:roflmao: :lol: :eusa_clap

[joeyconnick]

This isn't exactly a joke but it's a funny saying that mocks certain intolerant straight folk:

"I don't mind straight people as long as they act gay in public."

[Swimmerboy]

This isn't exactly a joke but it's a funny saying that mocks certain intolerant straight folk:

"I don't mind straight people as long as they act gay in public."

Hehe love that! :icon_wink

[Negasta]

I remember for an old episode of Will & Grace, when Grace kissed her boyfriend, Jack shouted:

"I've accepted that you're straight, but I don't know why you have to flaunt your lifestyle like this!"

:grin: :eusa_clap :lol:

[Phantomblade]

I remember for an old episode of Will & Grace, when Grace kissed her boyfriend, Jack shouted:

"I've accepted that you're straight, but I don't know why you have to flaunt your lifestyle like this!"

:grin: :eusa_clap :lol:

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

[Steam Giant]

Hahaha! ^^ Those were great, guys! I'm going to ask a friend of mine if he can come up with a couple for me. He knows a lot of bigoted jokes (which is odd, because he isn't), and might be able to cleverly convert a few gay jokes into straight (the one I posted above was originally a gay joke, likely one you've all heard).

[SadConfusedBandGeek]

I remember for an old episode of Will & Grace, when Grace kissed her boyfriend, Jack shouted:

"I've accepted that you're straight, but I don't know why you have to flaunt your lifestyle like this!"

:grin: :eusa_clap :lol:

OMG thats hilarious

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

I remember for an old episode of Will & Grace, when Grace kissed her boyfriend, Jack shouted:

"I've accepted that you're straight, but I don't know why you have to flaunt your lifestyle like this!"

:grin: :eusa_clap :lol:

:roflmao: :grin:

[beckyg]

I love Will & Grace!

[Miaplacidus]

I love Will & Grace!

Uruguay is too far away from Earth for Will & Grace to be received here... lol.

[tinkerbell]

I laughed so hard at the jokes I got a stomach ache. Awesome!

[suburbs_of_sodom]

I remember for an old episode of Will & Grace, when Grace kissed her boyfriend, Jack shouted:

"I've accepted that you're straight, but I don't know why you have to flaunt your lifestyle like this!"

:grin: :eusa_clap :lol:

hahahaha, I love Will & Grace. It also reminds me of another Jack quote about straight people:

"politically I'm for it, but the actual act makes me sick."

[Double Dubya]

This is my favorite, I just got it in an email

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing
in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

Satan: "Why so glum?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here.
You a drinking man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's
all we do, drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab,
and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more!
And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're
dead anyway."

Guy: "Gee that sounds great!"

Satan: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it!"

Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest
cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get
cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"

Guy: "Wow...that's awesome!"

Satan: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."

Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want.
Craps,blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt,
it doesn't
matter, you're dead anyhow."

Guy: "Cool!"

Satan: "What about Drugs?"

Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"

Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a
great bigbowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a
submarine.You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."

Guy: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

Satan: "You gay?"

Guy: "No..."

Satan: "Ooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough..."


Where did the Satan smilie go? I thought I saw one a while ago.

[Jim1454]

LOL! I'm not sure I'd categorize that as a straight joke, but I thought it was funny...

[SadConfusedBandGeek]

This is my favorite, I just got it in an email

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing
in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

Satan: "Why so glum?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here.
You a drinking man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's
all we do, drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab,
and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more!
And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're
dead anyway."

Guy: "Gee that sounds great!"

Satan: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it!"

Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest
cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get
cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"

Guy: "Wow...that's awesome!"

Satan: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."

Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want.
Craps,blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt,
it doesn't
matter, you're dead anyhow."

Guy: "Cool!"

Satan: "What about Drugs?"

Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"

Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a
great bigbowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a
submarine.You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."

Guy: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

Satan: "You gay?"

Guy: "No..."

Satan: "Ooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough..."


Where did the Satan smilie go? I thought I saw one a while ago.

OMG!! I lol'ed and my dad looked at me funny!

[Sugar]

lmfao that was good

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

I found a good one online. I'm pretty sure its a straight joke:

Whats the difference between a straight girl and a lesbian?
A six-pack of beer!

lol

[TeeBe]

:roflmao: Hahaha...But kind of true :grin:

[Grof142007]

lol at that week joke i want to share it with the world now

[George]

Hehe I love these! d(^^)b
I remember I had a few a while back... I'll try and find them. *digs through hundreds of bookmarks*

[Choucho]

I found some. ^_^

what do you get when you cross a straight man and a straight woman? three kids a mistress and two divorce lawyers

how many heterosexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb? just two... but the light bulb explodes after 30 seconds and the socket never gets its switch turned on

whats straight and sexual satisfied? nothing

how is a straight guy like tofu? its squishy unattractive and has no taste

I'll try to make my own up later. :P

[Grof142007]

Nice i want more of this jokes

[CrimsonThunder]

I found some. ^_^

what do you get when you cross a straight man and a straight woman? three kids a mistress and two divorce lawyers

how many heterosexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb? just two... but the light bulb explodes after 30 seconds and the socket never gets its switch turned on

whats straight and sexual satisfied? nothing

how is a straight guy like tofu? its squishy unattractive and has no taste

I'll try to make my own up later. :P

They. Are. Awesome.

Great thread!

[Torture]

Hah. Cracked me up. Thanks for these!

[phoenix17]

i don't know any but these are funny

[Psych!]

I remember for an old episode of Will & Grace, when Grace kissed her boyfriend, Jack shouted:

"I've accepted that you're straight, but I don't know why you have to flaunt your lifestyle like this!"

:grin: :eusa_clap :lol:

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: Haha, ironic, seeing how a straight person would be the one yelling that.

[Psych!]

I found some. ^_^

what do you get when you cross a straight man and a straight woman? three kids a mistress and two divorce lawyers

how many heterosexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb? just two... but the light bulb explodes after 30 seconds and the socket never gets its switch turned on

whats straight and sexual satisfied? nothing

how is a straight guy like tofu? its squishy unattractive and has no taste

I'll try to make my own up later. :P

lol, hehe :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: those are awesome, please put up more

[Gera-Kun]

I found a good one online. I'm pretty sure its a straight joke:

Whats the difference between a straight girl and a lesbian?
A six-pack of beer!

lol

I don't get this one... :icon_sad:

[Psych!]

I don't get this one... :icon_sad:

me either...

[Gera-Kun]

can anyone explain it?

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

can anyone explain it?

well a straight girl might start making out and stuff with another girl if shes drunk. a lesbian would do that stuff without being drunk. i think the original joke may have said sorority girl instead of striaght girl but its basically the same thing...:icon_redf

[Psych!]

well a straight girl might start making out and stuff with another girl if shes drunk. a lesbian would do that stuff without being drunk. i think the original joke may have said sorority girl instead of striaght girl but its basically the same thing...:icon_redf

oh... hehe, now i get it :lol:

[CrimsonThunder]

Oh.. I thought the joke was implying that lesbians are butch and drink beer. =/

[Gera-Kun]

well a straight girl might start making out and stuff with another girl if shes drunk. a lesbian would do that stuff without being drunk. i think the original joke may have said sorority girl instead of striaght girl but its basically the same thing...:icon_redf

lol. I get it now! :roflmao:

[downboyup]

i love the satan and the guy joke..

this is similar --

As he drove along the highway, a straight guy kept seeing billboards with beautiful, tanned women and the words: Visit the Garden of Hedon. His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the road. He went inside a building marked "Registration" and saw an attractive woman sitting at a desk.

"Exactly what do you do here?" he asked.

"It's quite simple," said the receptionist. "This is a nudist camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."

"Cool," said the guy, "count me in!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays." A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing: "Beware of Gays."

He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry, you've had two warnings!"

[Double Dubya]

well a straight girl might start making out and stuff with another girl if shes drunk. a lesbian would do that stuff without being drunk. i think the original joke may have said sorority girl instead of striaght girl but its basically the same thing...:icon_redf

Thanks, I needed clarification too :thumbsup:

[Double Dubya]

i love the satan and the guy joke..

this is similar --

As he drove along the highway, a straight guy kept seeing billboards with beautiful, tanned women and the words: Visit the Garden of Hedon. His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the road. He went inside a building marked "Registration" and saw an attractive woman sitting at a desk.

"Exactly what do you do here?" he asked.

"It's quite simple," said the receptionist. "This is a nudist camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."

"Cool," said the guy, "count me in!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays." A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing: "Beware of Gays."

He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry, you've had two warnings!"

BEWARE OF GAYS!! They will get your tushie!!!:icon_bigg

[Grof142007]

http://community.happiestgaycouple.com/0C8FCFFFF0002EBE600170000E809/Content/ContentDetail.aspx

[Sam]

I love will and grace! funny jokes everybody!

[Gera-Kun]

i love the satan and the guy joke..

this is similar --

As he drove along the highway, a straight guy kept seeing billboards with beautiful, tanned women and the words: Visit the Garden of Hedon. His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the road. He went inside a building marked "Registration" and saw an attractive woman sitting at a desk.

"Exactly what do you do here?" he asked.

"It's quite simple," said the receptionist. "This is a nudist camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."

"Cool," said the guy, "count me in!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays." A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing: "Beware of Gays."

He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry, you've had two warnings!"

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: This one cracked me up!!! :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

[Psych!]

i love the satan and the guy joke..

this is similar --

As he drove along the highway, a straight guy kept seeing billboards with beautiful, tanned women and the words: Visit the Garden of Hedon. His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the road. He went inside a building marked "Registration" and saw an attractive woman sitting at a desk.

"Exactly what do you do here?" he asked.

"It's quite simple," said the receptionist. "This is a nudist camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."

"Cool," said the guy, "count me in!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays." A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing: "Beware of Gays."

He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry, you've had two warnings!"

:roflmao: :roflmao: hahahaha, wow, well he did get 2 warnings. Oh well. :roflmao: :roflmao:

[Behling]

Homosexuality is god's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children.
Did you hear about the Scottish drag queen? He wore pants.
Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons.
The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.
Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS from giving money to television preachers? ]
War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is protesting?
I just found these online