Friends

[c_jayo6]

I have 2 best friends and a few close friends but ever since I came out to them I feel like I'm losing them. I'll explain...I came out to my 2 best friends about a year ago. About a month before I graduated from high skool. The moment I told them I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, as some of you can imagine. For the first time in my life I felt like I could share my real self with the people closest to me. It didnt really work that way... If I tried to share some of my views on topics such as gay rights it felt like I was talking to myself. It was like no one actually heard what I was saying. So for a while I backed off with it...almost like going back into the closet. I felt very uncomfortable once again..but it seemed everything went back to "normal". After we graduated we kinda lost contact...I chalked it up as something that happens after high skool, u lose contact. But, now that everyone is home for the summer we're all back together again, and I'm back in the same situation. If my friends weren't comfortable with my being gay..I would have rather them told me that from the beginning. I just need some helpful tips on how to bring the conversation of me not being comfortable forward. Are they really my friends if I cant be my true self?


Thanx in advance

[24601]

It may not be that they're not comfortable with you being gay, but that they don't really feel comfortable discussing the serious/gay topics that you want to talk about. Most of my friends are this way. My best friend, in particular, hates talking seriously. I often try to go to him to vent my feelings, yet he's clueless as to what to say. He's not a people person, and doesn't feel comfortable in that situation. That being said, I know he accepts me and loves me as a person. Another close guy friend of mine I know would never feel comfortable discussing stuff like that. I'm sure he'd feel really awkward if I even mentioned something like that. Again, though, I know he accepts me for who I am. It's really hard to discuss topics like this with some people. That's why this board is here :) Through these forums I've met a ton of people to talk about stuff like this with, and am happier than ever. That being said though, I don't hold back from being myself around my friends.

Anyway, my point is, just because they feel awkward talking about certain subjects with you, doesn't mean they are not accepting of you. Be your true self, make comments as you see fit, but don't expect them to jump right along and comment on any discussion of sexy men or the like ;)

As for:
I just need some helpful tips on how to bring the conversation of me not being comfortable forward.
I'll give the same advice I generally give. I'm a straight forward person. I speak my mind, and always encourage others to do likewise. If they're making you feel uncomfortable, then tell them that while it's happening. "Hey guys, can we talk about something else, this is making me feel awkward?" or, "Hey, uh, this is making me feel awkward, can we not talk about this anymore?" Something like that. I know most people aren't as straight forward as me, but... I think things would be easier if people were just honest with one another :)

If I interpreted this totally wrong, then feel free to slap me and call me stupid :) I do that sometimes.

Good luck!

Ryan

[davo-man]

I totally know where you're coming from...Ive been friends with a straight guy for about 4 years and when i came out to him he acted absolutely weird and anytime i would touch even to pat him on the back or shake his hand he would sorta look really uncomfortable and back away....harsh i know so now i have to act super masculine around him so that hes alright, but hes better now, he seems to be acting normally...as for advice all i can say is either give it time and they might come around, or bring it up with them and ask them if they have a problem with you so that you can resolve it.

[EthanS]

THey probly dont talk bout gay rites cuz they kno nothin bout being gay n stuff

[xequar]

I think everyone can identify with your situation. I would say that your friends are probably accepting of you, but they don't know how to react. Having said that, if stuff comes up in conversation, feel free to make whatever gay reference feels appropriate. As they (and you too) get more comfortable with your being openly gay, the bigger conversations about gay rights and gay marriage and things like that will not be the ordeal that they currently are. Forgive me if my writing is not as lucid as my present thoughts are, but think of it like this. If porn comes up in conversation, don't shut down and let the straight people dominate the conversation (just as an example). In my case, I look at porn, and I know my straight friends look at porn. We just look at different stuff. I don't go out of my way to tell them WHAT I'm watching, but I think just those little things, hints, and reminders in conversation have gone a long way to helping my friends feel more at ease. Again, if that makes no sense, please forgive me...

Actually, I think I'm affirming what Emosewa just said, but I think he said it more lucidly than I did...