Religious family (or yourself)?

[Moth]

Forgive me if there is already a similar thread - I'm new, and I didn't see anything in the last few pages.

I have an extremely religious, conservative, homophobic family. My parents are constantly looking down on and downtalking LGBTs and talking about how sinful it is. I'm forced to go to church EVERY week without fail where I am repeatedly told how wrong homosexuality is. My siblings are all big gay-bashers. My entire family views homosexuality as if it is the worst sin a person could possibly commit. In fact, when my brother got a tattoo, my mother said that the only thing he could do that would be worse would be to say he was gay.

I can't come out to my family at all while I'm a minor. My life is already hell for various reasons that would take far too long to list, and it's bad enough having to sit by and watch while they do and say all sorts of offensive things. When I turn eighteen I'm going to move out and come out, and those of my family that I don't disown will probably disown me. I've thought this through carefully and I'm okay with it, I'm not close to anyone in my family anyway and my parents at least have mentally and emotionally damaged me beyond forgiveness anyway. It will be a little disappointing to lose my siblings, but I've never been especially close with them so I can live with that.

Unfortunately, if I came out now, I would not be kicked out of the house. It would be easier if I was, because I'd have places to go where I would actually be happier. However, as it is, my parents would most likely send me to counselling with my extremely homophobic pastor (who I don't like anyway even if he weren't homophobic), or even try to find me one of those therapists that try to turn you straight. On top of that, every one of my very few freedoms (my parents try to keep me in a bubble) would be removed. I've already got a fairly fragile psyche and a heap of mental problems, so if I were put through that much hell, I would probably either kill myself or end up in the psych ward for trying. Obviously this is not an option at all. Of course, once I'm eighteen and I move out I won't care, and they won't be able to do anything to me.

Still, in the meantime, I have a year left to go and in that time I have to cope with this. It's been hard all my life and it seems to get harder and harder all the time. I believe I can make it, it's just a matter of what condition I'll be in when I finally get out. I can't convince my family that homosexuality is not a sin, either - they always have something to say against those arguments. I've heard them argue it even when there's nothing to argue and they've got no real point.

I was wondering if anyone else has a religious family that doesn't accept homosexuality, and how you deal with it? Or if you yourself are religious, how do you deal with people you can't convince that it's okay? I don't handle stress well, so does anyone have any advice for minimizing stress even a little bit in this situation?

[TeeBe]

A good number of people here seem to come from very religious families, myself included. After a dramatic performance during a mass...:) well....haha, I got my point across. I am no longer a minor, and TRUST ME! It does get better. Alot better. Freedom!

People (friends and family alike) seem to ammend their views quickly when it affects them and their loved ones. It sounds cheezy and cliche, but it is true. Friends are more open to different ideas, and family watches the types of pressures that they put on you; including family who may take the news negatively (Even today I got a "If life was any shittier, I'd be dead" from my mother...), ease up a bit on the sort of things that were abrasive!

Of course, that hasn't encouraged me to tell most of my family, including my father (One of those petition-writing, protesting, bible-thumping bastards...). Ahem. Sorry for the rant. In the very least, you certainly aren't alone! I hope things start to look up for you!

[wtinal]

I am curious about two things. First, what changes for you in a year that can't come into play right now? And second, how do you feel about homosexuality, the Bible, and Religion?

[Moth]

Thanks for the encouragement, TreeBe. I'm glad I'm not the only one. And I'm glad to know from someone who's been there that it gets better. =)




wtinal - In a year I'll be eighteen and will no longer be under the rule of my parents. I've got a place to go and I'm going to move out and will no longer have to deal with my parents.

I myself used to be religious - I was raised in it, so it was kind of like, that was all I knew. But over the years my faith weakened and eventually, due to several things, one of the main ones being I felt God wasn't "helping" me with anything no matter how faithful I was, how much I read my Bible, or how much I prayed. Eventually I gave up on it. I no longer believe in a benevolent God, I'm more of a deist.

I think religion can be a great thing, and admire the faith of those who are religious. Religion gives a lot of people hope and purpose in life, which I think is wonderful. It's only not good if people are disrespectful with it and try to shove it down other peoples' throats (like my family do). Some people don't know when to back off with it, and that's not good. But I'm all in favor or religion and spiritualism and things like that, as long as you're not hurting anyone or beign disrespectful to anyone.

I don't really believe in the Bible. My belief system is complicated, I kind of think that God may have sort of "tinkered" with the Earth for a while and then got bored of it, hence we have religion and the Bible. I believe some of the events may or may not have actually happened, but most of it is probably symbolic. As for Jesus, I believe he either came before God got bored with people or sort of has his own seperate ideas from God and came without God "sending" him.

As for homosexuality IN the Bible, I've seen a lot of people point out that it isn't a sin and that parts of the Bible people use to say it is are misinterpreted or mistranslated. So I don't really believe that the Bible condemns homosexuality. I was reading about this theory that David and Jonathan were homosexual or bisexual, too, which seemed to make sense to me, not to mention homosexuality was very common back then in Greece and I can't imagine that there weren't some famous Bible characters who were homosexual, wether the Bible says they were or not.

Outside of the Bible, of course, I have no reason to believe homosexuality is immoral, so I don't, even though I did and struggled with that at first when I was younger. Now that I've come to accept it, I don't believe that anymore. I think homosexuality is a beautiful and wonderful thing, and that if it were a sin animals wouldn't exhibit it, since I don't think animals can sin (at least I've never heard that they can, nor read anything to support such an idea). Also, if it were against nature, I don't think animals would exhibit homosexuality. So I think it's all well and good.

[24601]

As many people probably know, I don't hold religion in high regard... so I'm not going to risk offending anyone to comment on that part. To reduce stress though...

Just go out as often as you can. When your family isn't around they can't be constantly pestering or annoying you. The thought of them might annoy you, but it will be infinitely worse at your house. I don't know where you live, but if you live in the U.S. or Canada, you probably have a driver's license by now. Use it (if you can, I know you might not have a car or what not)! Get out and chill with your friends. I like the mall. Mindless walking around, just talking.

I always say this, and I know it makes me sound like your health/wellness teacher, but exercise can help too! I don't know your physical condition, but even if you're in tip top shape, go out and run, or run on the treadmill with music/TV playing so loud you can tune everything else out. Or go play a sport with your friends - tennis is good. Just don't care about winning, or that will add even more stress.

With family related stress, the best thing you can do for yourself is just get away for a while. In the end, you'll feel less stressed around the house. I know it might logically seem different - you spend time away, get used to them not being there, and the stress is higher. But, from what I've seen, that's not the case. You'll have other things to think about, other matters to talk about with your family, and you'll keep yourself busy enough that they won't have time to bother you.

I don't handle stress well, so does anyone have any advice for minimizing stress even a little bit in this situation?

Cool avatar, by the wall.

[Moth]

I do get out as much as I can, now that I've got a job I sometimes go to movies or go shopping with people I know from work, and that's always nice, but the problem with that is my parents are very strict about who I spend time with, and are extremely critical of all my friends, even my "good, Christian" friends. I've got one friend I hang out with most often, but my mom doesn't like her because she swears. She doesn't even really swear all that much, but my parents are extreme. I also can't just "go out" because my parents insist on knowing exactly who I'm going with, how long I'm going to be gone, what I'm going to be doing, where I'm going to be going, and when I get back they insist on details. So it's really hard to get around them. I do live in the US and have my temps now (it took so long because I'm homeschooled - which is part of why I'm at home so much aside from work and don't have many friends), but I don't have a car yet and my mom is still extremely paranoid about me driving (all she'll let me do is 25 mph backroads). Hopefully it'll be better when I get a car and my GDL, though they can always take my keys/lisence away. It's a good suggestion though, and I have found that it helps to go out and be with friends. I've been trying to do that as much as possible, but it's hard sometimes.

Exercising more is actually a really good idea, and I'll definitely have to start doing that more. I could actually stand to lose a little weight anyway, but the reason I don't take regular walks or anything is because while I love going out and excercising, riding bikes and walking and things like that, I don't like doing it alone so much because it gets boring. Now that I've got my MP3 player, though, I'll definitely have to start walking more. I do have horses, too, and when it's nice out I'll often go on fairly long rides, which helps at least get me out of the house. I'm not really into sports but I love aimless sports - where you're just out having fun, not strictly following rules or keeping score, or games like ultimate frisbee or 500. Unfortuantely I don't have many friends that live near my house, most of them are at least a good twenty minutes away, so it's hard to get together regularly, but it's definitely a good suggestion for every once in a while.

Thanks for the suggestions! I'll definitely try some of them out. =)

And thanks - my avatar is actually from a webcomic called Inhuman, it's sort of a sci-fi, but it's kind of different. www.inhuman-comic.com if you wanna check it out. Webcomics are sort of a secret love of mine. ^_^