Brandon
10th Nov 2005, 05:20 AM
This is the second thing that happened to me which I was yet again forced to come out to another member of my family, all due to a person who thought he was doing the right thing, but was doing it to either have me kicked out of the house, or do something else.
Here is the second part.
Coming Out To My Mom
I had went to bed around 3am on that Monday morning, studying the definitions for my Prealgebra test, I didn't at all do the homework for my basic writing class because I knew I would be able to do it Monday night. I went to bed, I was waken up by my Dad around 10am, I didn't get enough sleep, he called to me asking me that he needed to talk to me, he showed me two huge envelopes, the ones that the man sent me a couple of weeks ago. He looked at me.
"Brandon we need to talk right now, that guy sent more letters in the mail, I read the journal entries that you posted."
It seemed that the guy sent more letters, including a newly one he typed up to explain the recent events about me coming out to my Dad. I was just in my bed with one eye open looking at him standing at the foot of my bed holding up the envelopes. From the reaction on his face it looked like he read the handful of papers in either one of the envelopes that the man sent.
"He even packaged it into a UPS envelope"
My Dad threw the envelope onto my bed, I looked at it reading the address. "To Mr. and Mrs." My Dad sat on my bed looking at me. I didn't know what he was going to say about the journal entries he said.
"Brandon these journals are graphic...What did you do with Jeff?"
I didn't even know what to say, my heart was pounding so quick when he asked me about the evening I had with Jeff. I couldn't believe this man was doing this, sending more letters so he could do this, outing me out by sending more letters and more journal entries. This guy either wanted to out me to my Mom, and have her know what I was doing on the Interner or split me and my family apart so I could end up on the streets. I really didn't know what his intentions were now.
My Dad went into a long conversation about what I do on the Internet, that I post nude pictures of me.
"What is this about you making a video of you in the shower naked?"
I looked at my Dad, my eyes wide open now, not only did the man give my journal entries on my old journals about my life but my *** journals as well, even talking about the videos I post on ***. He took this way too far now, I was pissed off at him. What the fuck was Russ proving here? My Dad neither my Mom shouldn't know what I'm doing online. What Russ did was exactly what the blackmailer planned to do to me two years ago. I felt like crying, was this revenge, or was it because he hated me now that I didn't ask for his help when he was offering it to me?
"I can't hold it in anymore Brandon, I'm gonna have to tell Mom"
I wish I had more time to think about things, but Russ has totally cut my time off with the two letters. I just sat in bed having to tell my Dad yes that I think we have no choice but to tell my Mom. He told me that he could tell her instead of me telling her so I didn't have to feel like crap doing it. I told him okay, he said he wasn't going to tell her when she got home because he didn't want to put her through so much stress when she was to take her Spanish test that day. I nodded my head, he talked to me about my computer that my Mom might take my computer away if she ever does get a hold of the letters that Russ might be sending again in the near future.
So all day I had been extremely pissed off, wondering why Russ would send those letters, why he would do this? That was the only thing that went through my mind when I was ripping up the papers. I had thrown them into the trash, I went on my computer, going to my journal websites, deleting all the journal entries that I had written. Making sure there was nothing that Russ would do to print them out again and use them to send to my parents. I was scared, my Dad now knows what I had done, with Jeff, and what I did by posting my nudes on the Internet.
When I was deleting my journal entries he came into my room several times asking me if what I did with Jeff was true. I told him yes, he told me that I need to be more aware at what I do, that I need to be clean, that I need to think with my head on. He told me that he was going to tell my Mom tonight when he got home from work.
I had finally deleted all the journal entries from my livejournals, it took me a while but I got everything done by the time I needed to go to school. I was just so out of it, wondering what my Mom's reaction would be, so worried that I had received a C on my Prealgebra test.
That night I had came home, I was very scared with each hour that past, my Mom went to bed, my Dad walks through the door telling me that he'll tell her tomorrow afternoon.
Tuesday comes, my Dad wakes me up, he tells me that he's going to tell my Mom. 30 minutes later, my Mom is home, my Dad puts a DVD on my bed, one that I ordered from amazon.com. So glad that it came I didn't have to be worried on if I was gonna get it or not. My Dad called my Mom into the room, I laid there on my bed unwrapping the DVD and looking into the room, my Mom never looked towards me room, she was looking straight at my Dad.
I stood in there in my room until I heard my Dad's voice call me into the room. I walked into the room, my Mom looked at me.
"So you think I'm a big meany Brandon?"
I didn't know what she meant by that but I told her no.
"Brandon I love you, Dad loves you, I'm not gonna going hate you for what you are. Do you need someone to talk to about the depression?"
I told her no, that I felt perfectly fine now. She told me that depression doesn't leave somebody it stays there until one can be helped with the depression.
"Brandon you're gonna have to be more opened to your Mother now, you know that? And you know what else I told you yesterday don't you? About AIDS."
Monday afternoon my Dad had a dicussion with me about AIDS, that a lot of people in his family and my Mother's family died from AIDS.
"You know that you're life is going to be different from this point on Brandon, that there will be people that won't accept this type of thing."
I nodded my head and told him yeah I know. I walked back into my room, my Mom came in to my room.
"I don't want to lose you Brandon, I love you."
She gave me a hug, I put my arm around her too, it felt weird, but when I went to school I had felt a lot of weight had been lifted off from my shoulders, the weight that needed to be pushed off. I was glad that I'm now out to my parents, that was the main purpose of my first step in my life. Now it's finished and I guess I can go on with it, try to make friends, do what makes me feel happy.
Here is the second part.
Coming Out To My Mom
I had went to bed around 3am on that Monday morning, studying the definitions for my Prealgebra test, I didn't at all do the homework for my basic writing class because I knew I would be able to do it Monday night. I went to bed, I was waken up by my Dad around 10am, I didn't get enough sleep, he called to me asking me that he needed to talk to me, he showed me two huge envelopes, the ones that the man sent me a couple of weeks ago. He looked at me.
"Brandon we need to talk right now, that guy sent more letters in the mail, I read the journal entries that you posted."
It seemed that the guy sent more letters, including a newly one he typed up to explain the recent events about me coming out to my Dad. I was just in my bed with one eye open looking at him standing at the foot of my bed holding up the envelopes. From the reaction on his face it looked like he read the handful of papers in either one of the envelopes that the man sent.
"He even packaged it into a UPS envelope"
My Dad threw the envelope onto my bed, I looked at it reading the address. "To Mr. and Mrs." My Dad sat on my bed looking at me. I didn't know what he was going to say about the journal entries he said.
"Brandon these journals are graphic...What did you do with Jeff?"
I didn't even know what to say, my heart was pounding so quick when he asked me about the evening I had with Jeff. I couldn't believe this man was doing this, sending more letters so he could do this, outing me out by sending more letters and more journal entries. This guy either wanted to out me to my Mom, and have her know what I was doing on the Interner or split me and my family apart so I could end up on the streets. I really didn't know what his intentions were now.
My Dad went into a long conversation about what I do on the Internet, that I post nude pictures of me.
"What is this about you making a video of you in the shower naked?"
I looked at my Dad, my eyes wide open now, not only did the man give my journal entries on my old journals about my life but my *** journals as well, even talking about the videos I post on ***. He took this way too far now, I was pissed off at him. What the fuck was Russ proving here? My Dad neither my Mom shouldn't know what I'm doing online. What Russ did was exactly what the blackmailer planned to do to me two years ago. I felt like crying, was this revenge, or was it because he hated me now that I didn't ask for his help when he was offering it to me?
"I can't hold it in anymore Brandon, I'm gonna have to tell Mom"
I wish I had more time to think about things, but Russ has totally cut my time off with the two letters. I just sat in bed having to tell my Dad yes that I think we have no choice but to tell my Mom. He told me that he could tell her instead of me telling her so I didn't have to feel like crap doing it. I told him okay, he said he wasn't going to tell her when she got home because he didn't want to put her through so much stress when she was to take her Spanish test that day. I nodded my head, he talked to me about my computer that my Mom might take my computer away if she ever does get a hold of the letters that Russ might be sending again in the near future.
So all day I had been extremely pissed off, wondering why Russ would send those letters, why he would do this? That was the only thing that went through my mind when I was ripping up the papers. I had thrown them into the trash, I went on my computer, going to my journal websites, deleting all the journal entries that I had written. Making sure there was nothing that Russ would do to print them out again and use them to send to my parents. I was scared, my Dad now knows what I had done, with Jeff, and what I did by posting my nudes on the Internet.
When I was deleting my journal entries he came into my room several times asking me if what I did with Jeff was true. I told him yes, he told me that I need to be more aware at what I do, that I need to be clean, that I need to think with my head on. He told me that he was going to tell my Mom tonight when he got home from work.
I had finally deleted all the journal entries from my livejournals, it took me a while but I got everything done by the time I needed to go to school. I was just so out of it, wondering what my Mom's reaction would be, so worried that I had received a C on my Prealgebra test.
That night I had came home, I was very scared with each hour that past, my Mom went to bed, my Dad walks through the door telling me that he'll tell her tomorrow afternoon.
Tuesday comes, my Dad wakes me up, he tells me that he's going to tell my Mom. 30 minutes later, my Mom is home, my Dad puts a DVD on my bed, one that I ordered from amazon.com. So glad that it came I didn't have to be worried on if I was gonna get it or not. My Dad called my Mom into the room, I laid there on my bed unwrapping the DVD and looking into the room, my Mom never looked towards me room, she was looking straight at my Dad.
I stood in there in my room until I heard my Dad's voice call me into the room. I walked into the room, my Mom looked at me.
"So you think I'm a big meany Brandon?"
I didn't know what she meant by that but I told her no.
"Brandon I love you, Dad loves you, I'm not gonna going hate you for what you are. Do you need someone to talk to about the depression?"
I told her no, that I felt perfectly fine now. She told me that depression doesn't leave somebody it stays there until one can be helped with the depression.
"Brandon you're gonna have to be more opened to your Mother now, you know that? And you know what else I told you yesterday don't you? About AIDS."
Monday afternoon my Dad had a dicussion with me about AIDS, that a lot of people in his family and my Mother's family died from AIDS.
"You know that you're life is going to be different from this point on Brandon, that there will be people that won't accept this type of thing."
I nodded my head and told him yeah I know. I walked back into my room, my Mom came in to my room.
"I don't want to lose you Brandon, I love you."
She gave me a hug, I put my arm around her too, it felt weird, but when I went to school I had felt a lot of weight had been lifted off from my shoulders, the weight that needed to be pushed off. I was glad that I'm now out to my parents, that was the main purpose of my first step in my life. Now it's finished and I guess I can go on with it, try to make friends, do what makes me feel happy.