Not Another Straight Crush

[davo-man]

Oh I know, it's the age old story of boy meets boy, boy falls for boy, boy is straight, boy cries, boy must get over boy....

Well there's nothing particularly different about my story, but I thought it would be interesting to see how all of you got over your straight crushes, because Im sure most (if not all) of you have had one at some point.

Well my story is that I became friends with this guy last year and he is literally the funniest person I know...as in i havent cried from laughter before I met him. He's not particularly hot, as in he doesnt have the chiselled abs, rock solid butt, face to melt for, but he has these incredible eyes that if i gave you a photo of them, you would think I had photoshopped them to make them that bright blue...anyway Im swooning...Also I should add that he is the most gayest straight person Ive met...as in he acts gayer than i do. He wears womens boxers, loves Backstreet Boys, tells me if he thinks guys are hot (his favs are Jimmy Jacobz and Sawyer from Lost)...but I reckon he straight cos he was in a commited straight relationship and still isnt over her

So we became really good friends, and i came out to him and he's uber cool with it, as in he gave me a bear hug afterwards and wrote me a msg saying hes not letting a little thing like sexuality come in the way a friendship....awww....so after that, I began getting those feelings for him and it was all cool, cos my reckoning was that i get to talk to him every day, and see him and if i need it, he'll give me a hug. So Ive got everythign I need, apart from the actual "boyfriend" part

But the kicker is that we're gunna be going on a holiday for a week together in a house down by the beach (with a few other friends) and I was wondering if you think I should tell him what I feel. This will be one of the last times i will see him cos it will be schoolies and after that ive got a feeling im not gunna keep in touch with many people. So yeah, what do you think?

Also, to make this thread a bit more interesting, would you like to post what your straight crush experiences have been, how you have delt with them and gotten over them? Or whether someone you thought was a straight crush turned out to be not so straigh?

Oh and also, I might as well add while Im here, that I have changed my avatar (hopefully) for the last time...I made it in photoshop...hope you like!

[Grof142007]

I cant give any advice but i can tell you about my str8 crush

Well At the Moment im currently Looking at him and Yea i still got feeling but not there Strong feelings. Knowing that he was taken was a big part of me getting over him. Just keep think Im not Going after a Taken/str8 Person If u say it enough u will start doing it.


Hope i Helped

[Paul_UK]

Straight crushes......

I have had several over the years, the most recent only last year up to about March this year, and I still cannot give any useful advice for getting over them. Realising and accepting that they really are straight does help a bit, but your imagination still keeps inventing scenarios where they are gay or at least you manage to get off with them somehow. :(

Mine all ended through circumstances - such as one or other of us changing jobs or no longer being where the other one is. Then it is just the time apart that lessens the attraction.

I still think about the most recent guy I mentioned though. Work colleague, good personality, reasonably good looking. Too young for me though at 21, but that didn't seem to matter. We spent a lot of time working together away from home last year which meant I was also away from Markie (my partner). We both left the company having got different jobs, and although we agreed to keep in touch it hasn't happened. It's probably for the best, but..............

[JSG]

I looove the new avatar !!

I haven't had any straight crushes yet, but my best friend is turning out to be pretty hot !
He's lost weight starting to gain muscle mass and he's pretty cute, I think I'd totally fall for him if he wasn't so unhygienic...

As for telling him your true feelings, I dunno, I guess if it's gonna be one of the last times you'll see him, what have you got to lose? Plus, he seems pretty chill, I think he'll understand.

[Daniel6]

I have never had a crush for my close friends but I think you shouldn't tell him. If he had had the same feeling for you, he would have gone for it already. By telling him, you are risking losing him as a friend.

[Tom]

ok this is where i come into my own, str8 crushes tht is. all my crushes are either str8 or are 2 scared of the homophobes 2 come out, either way i have many str8 crushes and ur friend reminds me of my friends with how chilled he is with ur sexuality, tell him he will either just stand back abit and go woah, i had my suspicions but wasnt sure, tht wont last long and he will make fun about it. he wont say anythin about u but just mess about with u liking him such as my friends do, alot. the other thing is he will just say yeah i know but o well its not gona bother me. either way he wont care about u liking him, its not like ur gona be doing anything to him just because uve told him u like him and he will know exactly how u feel about him wich is always gd for a friendship, and if its as gd a friendship as i believe then ull be keepin in touch because ull miss him 2much, u wont speak 2 him everyday but afew times a week.

and for gettin over str8 crushes either it takes a lot of time or the easier way, get a new str8 crush and keep swappin till ur all out of guys or find a str8 crush tht aint str8 but every1 will be attracted to str8 guys, its in a gay/bi guys nature to be atracted to guys, no mata there sexuality


and yeh nufin much has happened with my str8 crushes, were all amazin friends and when we go swimmin its fun seein as they dont cover up =p but there perfectly fine with it and even have games of hu can turn tom on the most when there really bored and of course im a willing participant, aslong as i can go and hide when they do, never takes long tho seein as they wud do absolutely anything to win lol. and if the guys know i like one more thn the rest the guy takes it as a compliment

[Beachdreamer]

I've not yet had any sraight crushes - the one person I fell for, I'm with.

As regards telling him -

I suspect he might know how you feel - so no need to tell him.

If he has no idea how you feel - and you tell him, it could leave a 'bad taste' to the friendship.

And to my mind the worst one - if he feels the same way about you and you tell him - how are you going to get over the fact that you'll not be seeing him again.

To my mind it would be much better to keep the memory sweet. - That's how I've dealt with crushes on blokes before I realised that it was a lady I was meant to be with!

Enjoy your holiday.

[SpikySpice]

I used to have straight crushes, really serious one, on some of my sister's boyfriends, I had cried over the summers alot, but, as my tears fell, i reallized that crying aint gonna work, aingt gonna make them love me, because it is imposible, it's like trying to turn a straight guy gay or a gay guy straight

So I have learned that lesson, and I had to help myself getting over it, at 1st I was scared to talk to my sis, but as I talked to her, i felt much better because I just let all my feelings and emotions out

But for now, I cant have crushes on straiught guys, i dont know why, maybe cuz i knwo they are straight, maybe cuz my gaydar, but im not sure, i just have the feelings who to have crushes on, so i only have crushes on bi or gay guys, but still, i still have a tiny little bit for straight gusy, but i stop it right away, because i knwo it wont work, before i drown myself into a big big crush and break my own heart

[neverover]

do u REALLY want it?
can u accept the RISK that ull b losing him as a fren?
if both r yes, go 4 it. maybe hes a bi.

[ALieToDieFor]

I ignored them at any means neccassry.
I didnt want to go through the pain of knowing I couldnt have him so I took different ways to school,classes, and any other places I might have the slimmest chance of seeing him at.

[davo-man]

Hmmm thanx for all your input...I dont think I will tell him, and just keep our friendship going, but also I dont think i can not be friends with him, cos that would just be too hard as well....Im just gunna stay as I am cos at least this way, I get to talk to him, see him all the time and its all good

Thanx

[joeyconnick]

I think it would all depend on how you told him. Contrary to popular belief, you can express attraction for a friend and still maintain the friendship--I think it only "get weird" if one or both of you let it get weird.

For instance (and I hear this is pretty common among gay guys) a lot of my better guy friends are former boyfriends or at least guys I've been involved with physically. So did all of us just stop being attracted to each other? I'm thinking no. Actually, I know "no" on my part... just because you're into someone doesn't mean you have to be all over them or that you are always acting on it.

Anyway, I always go for "tell him" just because what if, to reverse what someone else here said, he's into you but hasn't said anything because he's not openly gay and you haven't said anything so he figures that if you were into him, something would have happened by now? But in telling him, you do have to be prepared for the risk, because while you might be able to continue on as before, he might get weird about it and there's only limited stuff you can do to influence his reaction. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy who would freak out about it but sometimes people can surprise you in a variety of ways, sadly including the negative ones.

I would (if you were gonna) just say something casual like, "Well, if you were gay I would definitely be into dating you but I guess I'll just have to settle for having you as a great friend." I mean, seriously, how can someone react badly to that? That's about the most complimentary thing you can say to someone. And it totally leaves the door open.

Yeah, I guess he could react badly to that, but to echo someone else's point, if he has any brain he has already considered the fact you're into him and for whatever reason is okay about it, so saying it casually and not changing how you are around him is unlikely to cause any huge upset. Not 100% guaranteed not to, but hopefully very unlikely to.

Anyway, you have to do what you're comfortable with. I hope whatever you decide, it goes well! :)

[crimsonarcher]

yeah, i had a crush with a straigt guy....i got jealous, but really jealous when he got a grilfriend.....then, after he broke up with her, i felt somewhat neutral, but then i felt nothign at all after a while...wouldn't say i'm over him though..

[budhead]

I have a super crush on my straight metro friend. I think of him all the time. He also acts gay. Yeah, he got a girlfriend a few months ago, damn, so that ended any hopes that he's full time gay. I still have a crush on him, though. Others have commented to me about my crush, as they can tell by the way I act when I'm around him, staring, looking at his hot body, doing things for him, etc... People pick up on these things. I'm sure that he knows that I have a crush on him. He may have something for me too, as he's made many gay comments to me and has stared at me. He's such a tease! The last time I was at his place he changed in front of me, left his shirt off and came up close to me and looked into my eyes, it blew my mind! I'm not sure that I had missed an opportunity, but I didn't want to risk our friendship.

You're ahead of me. I haven't told him that I'm gay, but I'm sure that he knows. I've told him things like I think that vagina's look alien from outer space to me. Here's a cute and funny video of Josh's dream on that topic, it's clean: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMnA4dc5LVs

This is my first crush since I was a kid. It sure is painful having such urges, but I'm not going to risk my friendship with him. I'm just going to live with it and be thankful that I can spend time with him. I'm staying at his place next weekend. We talk on the phone at least once a day during the work week and online chat outside of work. He moved to another city six months back. Him moving to another city and getting a GF has reduced the crush a bit. I was going crazy when I had to work beside him everyday, it's a good thing he moved. We also worked out at the gym, it was tough I tell you!

I've told him often that he's good looking and has hot long legs with a swell body, he responds with thanks. I'm sure I wouldn't get away with that with a normal macho straight guy. I have pushed it too far a few times, but then he calls me the next day. I'm more careful now, I value his friendship so much more now.

Have you gone on the holiday with him yet, if yes, I hope he's still your friend? I'm not sure what advice I can give you, but I wouldn't tell him that you have a crush on him. You may lose him, too big of a risk. Hopefully he'll drop his girlfriend one day and tell you he's gay and also has a crush on you, but that could be just fantasy. I'm sure he knows that you have a crush on him, but let him make the next move when and if he's ready. You may find a new gay friend that will reduce this crush you currently have. Time heals all. That's my hope, anyway.

Good luck.

[lodiug]

I also have a crush on this straight guy. But he acts totally gay. And the funny thing is that he constantly looks at me. And when I look back at him he nervously looks away. And I asked his friends if he's gay but they say he's straight and that he had a girlfriend. I gotta get over him...but it's so darn hard!

[Kibuki kid]

I have two! My best friend and the guy in my chemistry class, my best friend is so terrible straight so i know thats impossible but the guy in my chem class i have the s sneaking suspicion that he might be bi (but thats probably just me hoping)*sigh*

[budhead]

I have two! My best friend and the guy in my chemistry class, my best friend is so terrible straight so i know thats impossible but the guy in my chem class i have the s sneaking suspicion that he might be bi (but thats probably just me hoping)*sigh*

One crush is bad, but two, wow!

I'm finding that time away from my straight guy helps reduce my crush, but I'll be staying at his place this weekend, so the cycle starts all over again. I rather go through these painful cycles of longing for him than not to ever see him again. We have a good time when we're together and I do enjoy our long distance phone conversations.

I was set to "Come Out" to him on my second day at his place this weekend, but our last phone call might have changed that.

I have been going to "Coming Out" meetings in Toronto and having to leave work early. He's knows my schedule, so he knows not when to call me when I'm away. I told him that I'm going to "meetings". I haven't told him what the meetings are about and he's been asking, so I told him "I'll tell you on Oct 20th and that I hope that we can still be friends once I tell you". He responded with a weak and worried looking smile. He lives in Toronto and I've dropped in to see him before the meetings, so he knows that somethings up, as I have no real reason to be in Toronto other than visiting him.

He asked me on the phone if it was a "Furries" meeting. I laughed and said no. I said it's nothing weird, he then worried me by saying "Maybe you shouldn't tell me". My heart sank. That to me is a bit of a set back in my coming out to him. Maybe he's saying he's not ready or is homophobic.

Hopefully he'll ask me again this weekend, but I won't be bringing it up. Sad, I want to be honest with him, but his "Maybe you shouldn't tell me" comment has me worried. I think he said the comment because it's finally dawned on him what I'm about to tell him. What do you all think? Would you tell him?

I'll update you all on what happens this weekend. He'll the first person that I tell in the real world, other than at my meetings and here. It's dangerous as we work for the same employer, it's a big test of our friendship.

[budhead]

I also have a crush on this straight guy. But he acts totally gay. And the funny thing is that he constantly looks at me. And when I look back at him he nervously looks away. And I asked his friends if he's gay but they say he's straight and that he had a girlfriend. I gotta get over him...but it's so darn hard!

Our stories are so similar, wild!

Mine even asked me to turn around and pose for him, and then said "that's the stuff". It was sure awkward when my supervisor came in while he said "that's the stuff", but thankfully she's a women, she's caught us a few times. He stares at me at break and the gym (before he moved), of course I eye him too. We've even gazed into each other eyes a few times, that's not a normal straight guy behavior. He gets very close to me when we talk, but not to anyone else. He may be just a straight metro guy acting odd or messing with me, but we may never know. It would be funny if he's here on EC. He talks gay all the time with me. I'll sure miss him if he drops me as a friend.

Yes, it's so very hard having a crush on straight guy or a gay that's in denial.

Good luck with your crush. Hopefully you'll meet a gay soul mate that will make your current crush go away.

[davo-man]

Update everyone....he is now dating my best girl friend

grrrrr....Im much jealous, but oh well I cant do anything about it, so I just have to get over it

[pirateninja]

I think it would all depend on how you told him. Contrary to popular belief, you can express attraction for a friend and still maintain the friendship--I think it only "get weird" if one or both of you let it get weird.

Exactly what happened with me. After a girl found out about my feelings for her, we were weird around each other for about a week but she was understanding enough to realise that I didn't want it to come between us, and she didn't either. I guess it depends on who your crush is. If you think they'll take it it badly, then don't do it. If you think they might be ok with it, then it could be safe to tell them.

[lodiug]

I also have a crush on this straight guy. But he acts totally gay. And the funny thing is that he constantly looks at me. And when I look back at him he nervously looks away. And I asked his friends if he's gay but they say he's straight and that he had a girlfriend. I gotta get over him...but it's so darn hard!

Our stories are so similar, wild!

Mine even asked me to turn around and pose for him, and then said "that's the stuff". It was sure awkward when my supervisor came in while he said "that's the stuff", but thankfully she's a women, she's caught us a few times. He stares at me at break and the gym (before he moved), of course I eye him too. We've even gazed into each other eyes a few times, that's not a normal straight guy behavior. He gets very close to me when we talk, but not to anyone else. He may be just a straight metro guy acting odd or messing with me, but we may never know. It would be funny if he's here on EC. He talks gay all the time with me. I'll sure miss him if he drops me as a friend.

Yes, it's so very hard having a crush on straight guy or a gay that's in denial.

Good luck with your crush. Hopefully you'll meet a gay soul mate that will make your current crush go away.


Thank you.......and I hope that your friendship with him will get better and better.:thumbsup:

[hello2]

I thought this post was interesting because I think I am on the otherside of this scenario. I think I am the straight friend who maybe isn't so straight. I think my friend likes me, but I am not tottaly sure. But now I am not sure what to do about it. So sometimes it is worth it to say something, because it can be pretty hard to say something first. But also if you won't be seeing him much anymore it might not be worth it to say anything.

[masculineboys]

lmao! OMG I HAVE A HARDCORE PROBLEM WITH STRAIGHT GUYS! I just love the masculine guys! So straight guys I always crush on like all the time! then I try to atleast to get with them and they give me signs but I sumtimes doubt that they're gay! ITS SO CONFUSING! lol

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

well recently i got quite a crush on a friend... she's knows about about how i'm questioning. she came round for a sleppover and we were having a great time. and we just got to talking about what we would do if someone we didn't really fancy or hadn't considered before asked us out. and she said that she would just feel flattered, and might even start to think of them in a different light. i was so nervous but i thought, what the hell, so i just gently told her that i had a bit of a crush on her and what did she think?

she said she was indeed flattered, and she wasn't sure how respond, but she didn't really reciprocate. and that was awkward for a moment. but we just talked about it a little more and i explained that i wasn't madly in love with her, (thankfully), it was just a small crush, and she said again that she was flattered but she didn't really think she was interested in that way. and then after that we just had a laugh and went to sleep. it was a bit awkward but it was fine in the end. since then i have seen her several times and things haven't changed between us at all, in fact i think we feel closer having been so truthful with each other.

then again, there are several factors why it worked out so well. first, she already knew i was bi(?) so it wasn't so much of a suprise. second, we have been friends for a long time, and are very loyal to each other. third, it was only a fairly weak crush anyway. fourth, she genuinely did feel grateful i told her (i think - even though she doesn't reciprocate) because she has quite low self esteem, no boys ever show any interest in her, and she was pleased to discover anybody might like her. (she's a stupid gonk like that lol)

but anyway, so that was my story of the straight crush that wasn't happily ever after, but wasn't blow-up-in-your-face-i-wish-i-was-dead either. :)

[joeyconnick]

but anyway, so that was my story of the straight crush that wasn't happily ever after, but wasn't blow-up-in-your-face-i-wish-i-was-dead either. :)That's a really cute story... thanks for sharing.

[budhead]

Thank you.......and I hope that your friendship with him will get better and better.:thumbsup:

Thanks, it has.

I must say that our friendship has gotten much stronger and deeper over time. It's very odd, but my crush is diminishing as I become closer friends with him. I appreciate him so much more now than before. I think it was more of a sexually charged crush at first. Now I have more of a true emotional friendship connection with him based on mutual respect and not just a physical lust. I don't know how else to phrase it. He's not a piece of meat to me anymore, now that I've gotten to know the person inside the body. I know it sounds odd. I would think the crush would have grown deeper, but the opposite occurred for me now that I respect him.

I stayed at his place two weekends ago and we both had a great time. I'm going back to his place at the end of November. It was my last visit with him that has greatly deepened my respect for him as a friend. I would have lost out on a great friendship if I had avoided him or messed things up due to a crush.

On a side note: I haven't told him that I'm gay, and probably never will.

My advice is not to run away from a crush. You could be missing out on a great friendship. The crush may pass soon enough once you get to know him.

I know davo-man has it even more complicated since his crush has starting dating his best girlfriend. I hope that works out.