KDUk3Ang3l
24th Sep 2007, 11:50 PM
Hey there everyone. Well, I'm really terrible when it comes to introductions, so I'll keep it short. I'm really just your average high school senior, getting ready for college, getting a dose of senioritus. But I have been doing a lot of thinking lately...About whether or not I am ready to tell my parents and friends that I am gay.
Well first of all, I just want to point out that I have been extremely close to telling my parents. But after re imagining my childhood, I don't know what to do anymore. You see, I would probably be considered the problem child of my family. Being raised by strict, close minded asian parents doesn't exactly help either. I never really did amazingly in my grades, or deal with my family very efficiently (Won't go into that). Being constantly compared to my amazingly genius sister all the time doesn't help either. Sometimes, it really hurts when my parents continue to tell me things like "Oh, why can't you do this right" or "Why can't take the image of being a man in tact". After hearing all of these comments over the span across the last couple of years, I have begun to agree with my parents. Yes, I'm not as smart, strong, or able as you want me to be. All of this disappointment in myself has distanced me incredibly from my family in general, and has continued to drown out my desire to come out. I love my mother and father dearly, and I really don't want to disappoint them any further then I already have. I'm not very close with my father...My father is the conservative type, and I remembered him mentioning a long time ago, that homosexuality was a sickness. As for my mother, she recently joined the catholic church by her catholic fanatic friend (Who had attempted to convert me as well. Of course, I denied.) Combined with the whole disappointment thing, I don't know how well they will deal with it. My family is already going through a really hard time, with my mother being a cancer patient, and my father having to work two jobs to keep this family going. This stress load is unbearable with each family member in my household. I don't know if telling them about my sexuality is the right thing. I know that I will never be happy if I am unable to come out of the closet, but I am desperately worried about how my family will take it, with all of these problems that have been discussed above.
What should I do?
Prior thanks to those who are reading this rant. >>;
Well first of all, I just want to point out that I have been extremely close to telling my parents. But after re imagining my childhood, I don't know what to do anymore. You see, I would probably be considered the problem child of my family. Being raised by strict, close minded asian parents doesn't exactly help either. I never really did amazingly in my grades, or deal with my family very efficiently (Won't go into that). Being constantly compared to my amazingly genius sister all the time doesn't help either. Sometimes, it really hurts when my parents continue to tell me things like "Oh, why can't you do this right" or "Why can't take the image of being a man in tact". After hearing all of these comments over the span across the last couple of years, I have begun to agree with my parents. Yes, I'm not as smart, strong, or able as you want me to be. All of this disappointment in myself has distanced me incredibly from my family in general, and has continued to drown out my desire to come out. I love my mother and father dearly, and I really don't want to disappoint them any further then I already have. I'm not very close with my father...My father is the conservative type, and I remembered him mentioning a long time ago, that homosexuality was a sickness. As for my mother, she recently joined the catholic church by her catholic fanatic friend (Who had attempted to convert me as well. Of course, I denied.) Combined with the whole disappointment thing, I don't know how well they will deal with it. My family is already going through a really hard time, with my mother being a cancer patient, and my father having to work two jobs to keep this family going. This stress load is unbearable with each family member in my household. I don't know if telling them about my sexuality is the right thing. I know that I will never be happy if I am unable to come out of the closet, but I am desperately worried about how my family will take it, with all of these problems that have been discussed above.
What should I do?
Prior thanks to those who are reading this rant. >>;