give up?

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

here is how i see it:
hobby
habit
obsession
addiction


at first i used to cut every now and then as you would a favored hobby.
then it got to be a habit. something i used to deal with emotions. even if they were somewhat positive emotions or simple ones like bordom
then in the last month or so cutting had become such an obsession. i'd always be thinking when i'd cut, and how, how deep, lots of blood or would i go for pain? how would i hide it?
then in the last week it has become an addiction. i can't/won't stop. and now i'm happier. i have decided not to let others words about cutting being bad make me feel bad and guilty. i'll just cut when i want, how, ect. and that satisfies me. so what that i'm not covered head to toe in cuts. so what if i can only wear long pants and jackets in this warmer fall weather. i dont have to fight it anymore. i don't let it make me cry, make me sad, or make me depressed. i cut cause i can and cause i want too. i don't really look at it like giving in at all cause that would be negative. i look at as more of a comprimise.

i wrote in my journal at school a big list of all the ways to hid cuts. i also wrote "my skin is like a building or wall. cuts are the graffiti. some find it beautiful as art, others see it as vandalism and ugly."

so thats all. just my thoughts on my "addiction".

ignorace is simply bliss.

[Jim1454]

ignorace is simply bliss.

Morgan, This is a good attitude to take, in that you shouldn't beat yourself up over your addiction. The shame and guilt often just leads to more acting out on the addiction. So trying to feel better about yourself is a good first step.

I still think you should talk to someone about why you want to cut. It isn't something that the general population does, and you could - even by accident - seriously hurt yourself when you're doing this. I wouldn't want that to happen.

If you want to talk to someone, you can talk to me! PM me if you want to chat some time. Addictions are cunning and powerful - and this new approach may just be a way for you to justify continuing with the addictive behaviour.

[beckyg]

Morgan, this is very self-destructive behavior. I'm by no means knowledgable about this but I know that someday if you continue with this, your life is going to come crashing down. You need to stop now. Please get the help you need.

[Perrygay]

Morgan, unfortunately for you, you're not ignorant about the harms of cutting. This is obviously contributing to your depressed state. You NEED to get help, because you can't live your life like the way you are now.

[sngl]

I'm seriously worried about you Morgan, and I feel that the situation is getting out of control...we try to help you as much as we can and we'll continue to support you, but you should also seek professional help...please don't feel that you're worthless, because you are a very special and precious person, who cannot be replaced by anyone..:thumbsup:

[Ty]

My uncle dealt with depression in a bad way...he's dead....please stop

[Tim C]

Hi Morgan,

I think it's important to try and grasp the reasons why you are cutting . Certainly you're punishing yourself... but for what? Many of us have fallen into the trap of believing that we don't measure up. Perhaps you believe you deserve pain and the self torture of cutting is a good way of making sure you're getting enough pain.

Why do you deserve to hurt? Are you not pretty enough? Are you overweight? Have you been criticized for not being what other people wanted you to be? Do you feel like you haven't lived up to your potential? These are some starting questions- if I'm not close with any of these- keep asking your own questions. It's important to get to the heart of where this need to hurt yourself is coming from. It's also important to realize that you measure up just fine in every way that's really important. So what if others don't understand you. Who cares if you're constantly being judged? The important thing is to realize that God's love for you is bigger than any of your deficiencies. And yes, that even includes your cutting.

Most young women who cut have a history of being sexually abused. Cutting is generally grouped under a mental illness called borderline personality disorder. I believe that some people may just be prone to self injuring. Getting well isn't a science where you can do predictable things to fix the problem. It's an art where you'll need to find a way that works for you. That doesn't mean there aren't predicatable things you need to avoid- it just means you have to be open to new ideas, to be willing to explore every option until you get a handle on moving forward.

Let go of trying to justify things that are unhealthy and wrong. Seek from within yourself the strength to make decisions that will allow you to find happiness and peace. Is this ultimately beneficial? It's something you feel you need to hide from others. Look, you already know that you're walking on thin ice with the cutting. You need therapy. You need healthy friendships. You probably need medication. You need to realize that struggling not to cut is terribly difficult but continuing to cut will undoubtedly cut many years from your life.

One of the worst problems with cutting is you begin to identify yourself as a cutter. The problem with that is you stop identifying yourself as a responsible, balanced kind of person who can handle life. None of us can handle it all the time. Life is harsh and all of us have our own stories of poor judgment and rotten decisions. So don't feel like you're alone in your struggles. That you self injure is a terrible problem. But to conquor it is not only the easiest way to have the kind of life you really want- it may be the only way to have that kind of life. Don't worry about your past- what matters is that you desrve to have a future. But the only way that's going to happen is for you to start making healthy decisions right now.

This is just a message board so there's only so much any of us can do. It's in your hands. You can accept it as a way of life or you can do everything in your power to eradicate the cutting. It won't be easy. And you probably can't do it alone. Go to the people you love and trust the most (no more than two people). Tell them honestly where you're at. Tell them you're asking for their strength and support. Get their input on everything from medication to hospitalization. If money's a problem, try to find a free or a reduced cost clinic. You need support. Silence won't work for you.

I'm not sure it can be solved easily or in one step. But you have the courage to overcome this. You know how I know- self injuring people are brave as hell and tough as nails. You're where you're at because you found something that gives you temporary relief from the anguish you're going through. You just need to find a healthier, more permanent solution!

All the best,

Tim

[Jerr]

Wow... Tim is good.



This made me laugh... (What Morgan said... wait that better be her name because it would be embarrassing if it wasn't. lol)

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

Thanks Tim but i'm on meds, in therapy, have talked to people, been to hospital, ect. so i really have no where to turn.

thanks everyone for teh replies. its like i'm so sucked into this addiction the addiction takes every negative thing i hear about cutting and reflects it and fills my head with lies



*angel lies in a dark hole looking up at the sky. she jumps ignoring her wings and can't reach. the walls are to steep to climb. "i want to get out of here myself" she says. "not gunna use these wings. that would be easy. and anyway this is like a little game. escape the deep dark hole." she chuckles. high up she can see people looking down with flashlights. calling her name. a few even toss down ropes, chains or bandanas tied together. but none are in her reach. she seems not to notice all of this. its like a blindfold is over her eyes. she pants and sweats. "hmm... this is harder than i thought. well whatever."*

[beckyg]

That was great Tim! Tim is one of my best friends. He used to operate a suicide hotline and has helped people who cut before. I thought his input would be valuable so I invited him here.

[Louise]

This is so far from my experience I don't know what to say. I have nothing to give you.

My heart goes out to you. I have read several of your posts, you are an intelligent, fun, caring person. I cannot imagine what is going on in your head to make your life so difficult.

I cannot go on ignoring your posts because I don't know what to say so just to let you know that, even if I can't say anything to help, your stories touch me.

My thoughts are often with you. :icon_sad:

[Tim C]

Hi Morgan,

As difficult as it may seem, it's important that you keep doing all the things that could possibly lead you out from where you're at now. That means keep talking to people, keep adjusting your meds until they're really helping, find a therapist that you genuinely relate to- don't give up because it's not working now.

I wish I had a blueprint for you but ultimately the only person who can do that is you: you've got to work out a blueprint for yourself- one that gives you a chance to laugh, learn, experience and grow older.

Search under every rock for reasons to keep working: use religion, philosophy, Jesus, Buddha, Kant, friendships, family, sports, music, education, goals & dreams- anything at your disposal- to find a way through it all.

I suffered from an undiagnosed case of bipolar disorder for many years. Let me tell you honestly that for many, many years it got the better of me. I couldn't hold down a job. I couldn't maintain friendships. I stressed out from money problems. I was constantly suicidal. But I'm still here and I'm glad I kept struggling through it.

Even on the days when nothing's going right- if you can refrain from getting yourself in trouble- by not hurting yourself or others- you're winning. Being depressed isn't a crime. Feeling suicidal is a natural response to deep depression. By overcoming the urges, by holding off the inner demons- you're winning.

Something I was told once that really helpled me- suicide can always wait another day. No matter how bad things seem- why not do your best to see it through for yet another day?

You have a very obvious intelligence. Your prose writing skills are good now and will get much better. And somewhere down the line- you're going to have a chance to impact other people. Your communication skills coupled with what you've been through- you will be able to understand other people's pain in a way that few of us ever will. We need you around for the spirit that you have today- and for all the good you will do later when this is more under control.

One other thing- don't worry about what others feel. If the people around you don't understand you- it's more important that you be learning to understand yourself. What motivates you? What sets you off? What triggers the cutting urges? Is the cutting just a manifestation of your needing to scream about how much mental anguish you are in?

Hang in there!! Keep finding ways- from reading more to writing more, to finding healthier friendships and healthier hobbies- to becoming an expert on how to overcome all your problems. Don't quit until you're where you want to be. Regardless of how hopeless it may seem today- none of us know the future. I woke up one morning and most of my chemical imbalances were gone.

It's worth the fight because you're worth fighting for!

Tim

[Jim1454]

Thanks Tim but i'm on meds, in therapy, have talked to people, been to hospital, ect. so i really have no where to turn.

thanks everyone for teh replies. its like i'm so sucked into this addiction the addiction takes every negative thing i hear about cutting and reflects it and fills my head with lies


Morgan, This kind of self reflection and understanding is AWESOME! This is EXACTLY what addictions do! They are cunning, baffling, and powerful in the way that they manipulate you to do things you don't really want to do!!!! Recognizing that what you're doing isn't you - it's the addiction - means that you have a choice! You can do what the addiction drives you to do, or you can stop, reflect on why you are thinking the way you are, and choose to do something else.

But Tim is right - just because what you've done hasn't worked yet, doesn't mean there isn't something else that will work. I'd suggest though that you understand more about this now than you did when you first started. You're recognizing it as an addiction, as a problem, and as corny as it sounds, that really is the first step to recovery! Keep working at it!

Can I share with you an exercise that I use when ever I have an 'urge' to act out on my addiction? It is called an 'urge log' and it is a tool to help you reflect on what you're feeling, and it interupts the thinking pattern just long enough that maybe you'll be able to fight the urge, let it pass, distract yourself with something else, and move on without acting out!

So the next time you want to cut, stop, sit down with a pen and paper, and answer the following questions:


What urge do I currently have to do?
Was there a triggering event? What was it?
What am I thinking right now?
What am I feeling right now?
What would acting on this urge accomplish and / or communicate?
What are you afraid will happen if you DON'T act on this urge?
What impact would acting on the urge have on yourself and your recovery?
What impact would acting on the urge have on others?
Are there any alternative to acting on the urge?
Which alternative are you willing to try?

After an hour has passed, continue with the log by answering the following questions:

Did you try an alternative? Did it work? Why or why not?
How do you feel about yourself now?
What did you learn from this experience?
What would you do again next time, or, what would you do differently?
Can you share this with someone you trust?

TRY THIS! It really does help! It certainly helped me!!! Just try it once, the next time you have the urge to cut! And take it with you to see your therapist the next time you go. It can form the basis for your next conversation with them!

(*hug*)

[Tim C]

Great suggestions, Jim!

I'd like to encourage you to give this a try, Morgan.

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

thats all some great advice but i still don't think i'm ready to start fighting yet. its like my arm has 7 slashes down it and last night i was barely talked out of cutting further at my vien by a good EC friend. yet as much as hiding that in warm weather with long sleeves is uncomfortable and a drag i still can't bring myself to stoping at the moment. i understand in the future it will be a consideration but not right now. i was talking to another cutter friend of mine from school and she helped me remember that i'm the one in control and no one can make me stop. so as i realized i should stop feeling guilty when i disappoint people. i hate scareing them but i can only stop for me and no one else. thats why i keep relasping. cause i've only stopped for others not me. i also remember my mom telling me about my dads drug addiction; addicts have to hit their bottom before it gets them to make a rall effort to understand that their addiction is only giving them harm. my dads bottom was taking his 60 monthly pain pills for his back in one week in stead of hsi usaul 2 weeks (although prescribed was a month. he just bought, stole, ot withdrawled for the other weeks). well i have to hit my bottom. but one thing i've realized is you hit bottom or you die. so its a thin line of me being able to stop the bleeding for some serious cut or dying. i don't see how bad. you can talk to me for hours saying how bad yet nothing sinks in. i hate being one of those "it'll never happen to me" people but thats just how it is. so i don't know. guess it'll just go on until i put my foot down and say 'no more!'. of course i'e done that and relasped but we'll see.

[Tim C]

It's certainly true that stopping because I want you to isn't going to provide you with very much motivation. Why should you care about what I want? This advice is here for you when you're ready to take it. It's true that you're the one who controls your actions, you're the one who chooses based on your vision of reality.

The difference between being wise or foolish, safe or in harm's way, dead or alive is often nothing more than a difference in decision-making. People mix with the wrong crowd, they get hooked on hard drugs, they wind up in prison not because they're inherently evil or weak. It happens because they make poor choices.

You know that what you're doing has destructive consequences but you're also struggling with terrible mental health problems. I'm not going to judge you- I truly wish you nothing but the best. You've got people on this board who genuinely care about you. I feel like you care about yourself- I pray that none of your decisions cancel out your ability to live your life to its full potential.

Tim

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

as some of you may have heard already i had a nasty cutting mess today and there was quite a bit of bloodloss. just sorta took my razor and from about an inch down from ym elbow just started making slits going across. and it did that down my arm till the cuts were around 4-5 inches down my arm with each cut less then around 3mm apart. so as you can imagine not a pretty site. its wrapped in a ace bandange now and i got some good EC friends to talk me through it. but i talked to my mom an explained to her that my cuttings getting bad but i'm dealing with it and slowly getting better. i told her i'm going to lie to my therapist tomorrow about not cutting. i made her promise not to send me away to some inpaitient place again. she said not unless i have to be seen by a docotor either for infection, stitches, bloodloss, ect. so i said ok. she said that in that case i get a new therapist, or support group, or stuff like that. i said sure great long as no inpatient. i said i got good enough support system to help me through this. whether it be my good friends here on EC, my mental health and cut treaters here, or just my friends and peers who have and self harm at school to talk too. i can work with it and maybe do it every other day or maybe once a week. just to slow is my current goal. i'm proud i didn't cut yesterday. it shows i can do this and i am still in control of its grip. i have an EEG on tuesday and i'm only allowed half the amount of sleep i normally get so thats around 3 hours. so i will be on here a lot. need to keep awake. so thanks for all your help and advice in this hard time in my life filled with addiction.

[beckyg]

I will admit it is very hard for me to even read your posts. I cannot imagine what your mother is going through watching you do this to your body.

[rorotherara]

Now, first thing is first, stop.cutting.yourself. Please, I would gladly march on over to Detroit and take away all sharp objects within your reach if I could.

stop.cutting.yourself.

Suicide, depression, anything for that matter...does not give good reason to cause self affliction upon yourself. Nothing in this world would justify suicide. Feel good about yourself, associate with people you are comfortable and make you feel like a person. I know you go to therapy, and you are trying as you are. But you need to instill within your mind that you are a person capable of doing great things like everyone else in this world.

Chin up. Breast puffed. Head held high.
You are better then the razor and you will achieve as long as you try your best and believe in yourself. I never EVER want to know a person EVER again who died from cutting themselves in excessive quantities. I've seen it happen, people with potential, people with lives they think they never had or have, people just like you and me.

I'm proud of your ability to restrain yourself but nothing can justify harming yourself. Remember that.

[Jim1454]

Morgan,

You're absolutely right when you say that only when you want to stop will you actually stop.

What you'll find in time - and in hindsight - is that the addiction is clouding your judgement and convincing you that cutting every other day is just fine - that's really proving that you've got control over this. That as long as you don't do it the point of killing yourself, then it's fine. Right after you actually kill yourself, you'll get serious about your recovery...

Let me know when you've decided that you really want to stop. Until then, I'm going to have to simply avoid reading your threads on this topic. I just can't handle reading them. I'm really sorry that you have this problem, and I'd love to help you. But if you're not ready, then I'll leave it alone. Good luck. (*hug*)

[Revealed]

I'm sad to hear about your last cutting episode Angel. Although it's not good that you have relapsed back into self-harm, you have proven to yourself in the past that YOU have control in deciding when to cut, or when to ignore the urges.

Overcoming an addiction is not easy, and unfortunately there is no overnight 'cure'. The mind creates a dependence on the addiction, and for anyone who has gone through this knows, the more frequently you succumb to the urges, the harder it is to re-train your mind into a dfferent way of thinking.

This is a long and difficult process that will involve a lot of inner strength & support from those around you. At times you may lose motivation, you might have a lapse in judgement, & you could find yourself asking "What's the point?" But the point is, by continuing the self-harm, you are going to end up causing alot more damage to yourself than you think. Like Jim, I am also finding it harder to read these threads because I fear that one day I will discover that you have cut just a fraction too deep and could not get help in time. I am scared of finding out that you have died.

The fact that we want you to stop cutting isn't going to be the ultimate influence in your decision making. But we can continue to offer support and guidance when you need it. And if we can stop you from cutting, even just for one day, then that's a start in helping you overcome this.

Please continue to speak with your mother about your relapse. I'm sure that she will try everything in her power to assist you and be there when you need her the most. I would do the same thing, because it would tear me apart to see someone so close go through such an awful battle within themselves.

Best of luck Morgan. I hope you find the right help and try to stay positive. We are here if you need some friends to talk to (&&&)

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

i don't understand why any of you would not want to continue reading. i mean thats really hurtful like you've given up. *sigh* and i was just telling my consluer what a great support system on here i have. that is really hurtful to me. i mean if you just give up on me that proves that i'll never get better. cause if you give up just reading how am i supposed to have the strentgh to stop? i was getting a lot of help on here but if you all just think i'm niave and stupid then i will just stop coming on here for help and keep cutting cause if its so impossible to just read it then its very impossible for me to do it.

[Gamer am I]

Some of us feel that we don't want to continue reading because we're scared for you. It's hard to read what you post here. I can't tell you anything from experience, but I can tell you that I wish you all the strength in the world in whatever you decide to do about your addiction.

[Revealed]

I didn't mean for you to feel as though we are giving up. I'm definately not. I want to help you, & anyone else in the same situation as much as I possibly can. I feel a bit useless at times though, considering the lack of experience I have with self-harming, but I want to be there for anyone who needs support.

What I meant by my last post is that I'm just scared that you will hurt yourself REALLY badly, and I don't want that to happen. I will continue to read your threads, and reply if I have something to say, but I feel awful reading about the hard time you're having. I just wish there was more I could do to help.

I'm very sorry for making you feel as though I was abandoning you. That wasn't my intention at all.:bang:

[Midnight Angel]

and like seriously i wasn't going to cut today. i would try not to. try to be strong. but how can i be strong when my support system has collasped and given up on me. just when i was finally ready to try. i just don't think i can do this anymore... :tears: :tears: :tears: :tears: :tears: :tears:

This proves that you do want to get better. You're pushing forward, don't turn back now. We're all here for you and do care. We'll be there with you all of the way walking along with you, and pushing for you to get better.

[Tim C]

Just a couple of things:

1) It's likely that as long as you're dealing with your current level of mental health problems, you're going to exhaust a lot of people. That means people will come and go because your problems are very taxing. For better or worse, people want to see quick fixes, fast progress, and steady improvement. They also prefer dealing with problems of a simpler nature.

My suggestion is to understand that people will give you what they can but it may stop well before you need it to. It's nothing you should take personally. and it's no reason to give up!

2) It's important that you continue doing your best whether your support system breaks down or not. I realize it's nice to have people you can count on. But in the end, you have to be able to count on yourself. Be your own best friend. Care about yourself even when others don't appear to. Keep fighting for what's best for you throughout your life.

You are in a precarious situation. It's probably difficult for you to maintain healthy friendships but...you need healthy friendships. It's a catch 22 that you're going to have to deal with.

My adice is to be appreciative of whatever people can offer and accept that there are usually going to be limitations. Try not to become too reliant on others while understanding that you can't do it alone.

Are you familiar with Zen? It's a philosophy of harmonizing opposites. You take what others can give you but also retain a strong individuality. You listen to others but also listen to your strong inner voice.

Please don't give up! You can have an amazing life despite your current problems. I genuinely believe that and believe in you.

Tim

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

well i'm glad at least you beleive in me Tim.

its like i have no idea what i might have said but i genuinely AM TRYING! :tantrum:
i don't know why you all start to give up hope and call me a lost cause JUST when i start to pick up. its like wow. I can't do this by myself even if i am the only one who can do it. i feel like i'm standing in a room full of people and all i see myself in a mirror across the room. i can only do so much. even of teh greatest of people need help and support. i can understand giving up after time but its barely been anytime and i JUST started to get better. it a real kick in the face to me. is really sad. its everyones privilage that i'm still alive. i am here for everyone but me. sorry but thats the way it is. to help others and make them happy, to put myself as second best. and thats what i do. but i realized that my own problems were hindering me so much that i had to tell a friend that i had nothing to say about their cutting addiction i was trying to talk them out of cutting. i was like "i can't even tell myself why cutting is bad. i'm really truely sorry." and that hurt me. helping people who go through what i do or similar is what keeps me going. why i ignored strong suicidal urges last night. i need to keep going to help others. i have had two great friends who've stood by my side my entire illness. one i rarely go to for help, the other is practically never not talking to me whether i'm helping them or they're helping me. i guess i just got used nto the strong faith these induviduals had in me. i gotta realize just not everyone is like that. not everyone can stand for me even when they can't for themselves and forget their problems to help even when i'm not asking them to. its just they can do all that i just can't believe some of you can barely read my posts. i mean yeah we're not taht close or good of friends but i try to read and reply to all of your posts. i do to all that i think i can be helpful too. i try to real all of the posts (in the support and advice like sections mainly). so i don't get why when i finally find faith in myself and find a reason to get better everyone seems to leave me. i just feel real jipped outta this one. its like i've heard from learned people, "they don't want to see you get better. they help you when youre down but the minute u get better they ignore you." hmm, really....:dry:

[Jim1454]

I've replied to your PM.

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

um seeing as i might have come off a bit strong :eusa_thin :icon_eek: allow me to refrase my last post and i hope no hard feelings are taken if i have indeed caused them:

its like i have no idea what i might have said but i genuinely AM TRYING!

the reason that i have decieded to make an honest effort in my cutting addictiion is that i am here for everyone but me. to help others and make them happy, to put myself as second best. and thats what i do. but i realized that my own problems were hindering me so much that i had to tell a friend that i had nothing to say about their cutting addiction i was trying to talk them out of cutting. i was like "i can't even tell myself why cutting is bad. i'm really truely sorry." and that hurt me. helping people who go through what i do or similar is what keeps me going. thats why i ignored strong suicidal urges last night. i need to keep going to help others.

better? :icon_wink

(&&&) (*hug*)


"yes i'm smiling, but inside i'm crying"- quote from some random avatar :cry:

[JayHew]

Keep trying Angel. Keep trying and keep seeking help. The people here do support you and want the best for you. Just understand some here find it very very difficult to read your posts concerning what is going on with you because they don't understand the condition but most of all, they don't know how to cope easily with someone they have come to care about going though these episodes. That you have to understand, they are not deserting you and want to support, but they are at a loss as to how to help, also it unnerves them to know what happens when you have these episodes.

That you are willing to help others in this regard is commendable, but in order for it to be most effective, you need to apply what you say to yourself first and foremost, otherwise it is not going to be of much help as you will come across as a hypocrite if you are telling others how you cope, yet you yourself are not able to do the same. Apply what you know to yourself also helps you understand the process of changing your behavior to a more healthy means with the understanding of what has to take place when bumps in the road to recovery are encountered. That would be the most useful means of helping, someone who has been there and climbed out of the pit of self injury.

I am supporting you and your efforts, keep trying and best wishes.

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

its day three no cutting. i don't even have any urges either.

[Midnight Angel]

That's wonderful Morgan keep it up (*hug*)

[Revealed]

That's great news Morgan.

It's a good sign that you haven't felt any need to cut for 3 days, so you must be doing something right to stem the urges.

Keep up your efforts because they are clearly paying off.

Please keep us updated with your progress because it's good to hear how you are feeling and if there is any way we can try to help you improve. (*hug*)

[Jim1454]

its day three no cutting. i don't even have any urges either.

Yay! That's great!

You're not in the clear, you have to remember that. But every day that passes it will get easier! Trust me.

I've got to the point (finally) where I sometimes forget about my addiction, and how strong a grip it had on me only a year ago. But I still work at it, go to meetings, see my therapist, etc.

Keep it up. PM me if you want to chat or want any other tips. (*hug*)

[Paul_UK]

Excellent news, Morgan. I am so pleased you seem to be feeling better and are showing real signs of improvement. :)

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

(*hug*) yeah thanks everybody i'm doing good with this so far, goin on day 4. i mean yeah i'm extremely depressed and suicidal but no cutting! :eek: go me! :eusa_danc

sarcastic enough?
:tears:

[nl0118]

Hey Morgan! I've been reading your posts and even though I barely know you and vice-versa, I'm really proud of you. I've been in a similar situation and realize how hard it is to give it up. Just know that you're not alone and you will overcome this. Keep up the good work! :)

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

if anyone noticed i now have msn. if you would like to talk because i know most of you have it and sometimes i need people to talk to. yeah. its seems as if i've began to try with not cutting but i feel like i'm giving up on life. i'm just sick of it. i'm done wit this. you know? eh i have three methods in my head. all will fail. so i am stuck here suffering.

[beckyg]

Morgan, believe you will SUCCEED! If you believe you will fail, you probably will. 4 days is quite an accomplishment!

[Louise]

I don't know anything about cutting and addictions but I do know about trying to get through things.

4 days is 96 hours, that is tremendous! If it helps count hour by hour. Every hour you survive without giving in is an hour where YOU won, not the 'urges'.

You can do this, take baby steps. You can't hope to get over this all in one go, things like this take time, energy and effort and I can quite understand that sometimes it is just all too much of an effort or you just don't have the energy.

I am really proud of you. Your life is so hard for you but you hang on in there, you look for help when you need it, you don't give in. YOU CAN DO THIS. I believe what I said because you are a young person with an incredible amount of will power and courage. Take your time, you're getting there.:kiss:

[TriBi]

Go Morgan.

I know it's tough - a lot of people have problems/addictions - it takes a lot of hard thinking and really wanting to get past it - I think/hope/believe you can do it...

Go you!

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

i'm done talking on EC about my feelings. if you have said that you will talk to me about them then i will PM you or talk to you on msn if i need to. otherwise i'm sick of being thought an attention seeker. i am not.

[Paul_UK]

Closed to keep it all in one thread. See http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4076