Tim C
29th Sep 2007, 08:17 PM
When considering the question of coming out, I think there are 4 really important considerations:
1) What are your reasons for coming out?
Is it to open yourself up to the process of being yourself? Let's face it- if you're hiding something from the people around you- it's hard to feel natural and comfortable. You wonder how people will respond when they find out the truth. You worry about being discovered. It prevents you from moving forward in communication, in expressing your interests, in being true to yourself in relationships. So if that's your motivation- that sounds like it's very positive.
It can also allow you to see where people really stand and who you can really count on. Being accepted when you're a little different is a litmus test for friendship. If you have to be the way others want you to be, that's not really friendship.
2) What's going to be gained?
Other gay people may feel more comfortable with you once you've accepted that about yourself and are openly expressing it. It will probably make it easier to get involved in relationships with other gay people. It will give your straight friends a chance to identify that they like you for being you. It will also give your same sex straight friends a sense of comfort: they know where you stand, they know you're not hiding things from them, they know that you can still like and appreciate them even though they're straight and you're gay.
3) What's going to be lost?
Yes, there will be people whose opinion of you will change. Certain family members may need time to adjust. You're going to leave yourself more open to homophobia, to people who are simply uncomfortable, and even to well meaning people whose religious beliefs prevent them from getting past your being gay.
4) How ready are you to handle the new pressures that will come?
You're going to have to come out to somebody at some point. Do you feel okay with it? Has your religious training made you feel that it's offensive to God? Will you be able to handle the shame and guilt that certain people will try and make you feel?
I believe it's important that you come to terms with it yourself before you look to others for acceptance and support. You have a certain amount of control over yourself but other people can be shockingly insensitive. Once you're okay with yourself as a gay person- then you can handle the negative feelings that will likely come your way. I think it's very important that you accept that people feel the way the feel about homosexuality for reasons that have very little to do with you. Their upbringing might impact their thinking and even if they genuinely like and respect you- they might not always be able to get past their training. I recommend continuing to love others even when they fail miserably at accepting you.
Obviously there are other factors but I hope this might be of some benefit to you...
Tim
1) What are your reasons for coming out?
Is it to open yourself up to the process of being yourself? Let's face it- if you're hiding something from the people around you- it's hard to feel natural and comfortable. You wonder how people will respond when they find out the truth. You worry about being discovered. It prevents you from moving forward in communication, in expressing your interests, in being true to yourself in relationships. So if that's your motivation- that sounds like it's very positive.
It can also allow you to see where people really stand and who you can really count on. Being accepted when you're a little different is a litmus test for friendship. If you have to be the way others want you to be, that's not really friendship.
2) What's going to be gained?
Other gay people may feel more comfortable with you once you've accepted that about yourself and are openly expressing it. It will probably make it easier to get involved in relationships with other gay people. It will give your straight friends a chance to identify that they like you for being you. It will also give your same sex straight friends a sense of comfort: they know where you stand, they know you're not hiding things from them, they know that you can still like and appreciate them even though they're straight and you're gay.
3) What's going to be lost?
Yes, there will be people whose opinion of you will change. Certain family members may need time to adjust. You're going to leave yourself more open to homophobia, to people who are simply uncomfortable, and even to well meaning people whose religious beliefs prevent them from getting past your being gay.
4) How ready are you to handle the new pressures that will come?
You're going to have to come out to somebody at some point. Do you feel okay with it? Has your religious training made you feel that it's offensive to God? Will you be able to handle the shame and guilt that certain people will try and make you feel?
I believe it's important that you come to terms with it yourself before you look to others for acceptance and support. You have a certain amount of control over yourself but other people can be shockingly insensitive. Once you're okay with yourself as a gay person- then you can handle the negative feelings that will likely come your way. I think it's very important that you accept that people feel the way the feel about homosexuality for reasons that have very little to do with you. Their upbringing might impact their thinking and even if they genuinely like and respect you- they might not always be able to get past their training. I recommend continuing to love others even when they fail miserably at accepting you.
Obviously there are other factors but I hope this might be of some benefit to you...
Tim