Facebook

[Choucho]

So, I have encountered a problem. >.< A guy from school recently sent me a friend request on facebook. I really don't like turning down friend requests, and I've accepted ones from people who I REALLY don't like. I have never cared before if people see that my profile says I like boys, because... well, I do. And typically they're either my friend or not my friend, so either way I don't care if they know.
However, this situation is different. I have hardly ever talked to this guy, plus he's my neighbour so I have to put up with him constantly. For once I DO care if he knows I'm gay, because I know for a fact his brother is homophobic. He told me he didn't like my music because his gay cousin listens to the same stuff.
So yes, that's my merry little predicament for this week.

[Tim C]

Since you're not comfortable letting him in on things- don't! It's all about how you feel.

One possible solution would be to open an alternate Facebook account that's less personal, where you don't share your more private concerns9 Like being gay). Or you could simply tell him (if he asks) that Facebook is for your long distance friends- not for people who live in the neighborhood.

All the best,

Tim

[Louise]

I have hardly ever talked to this guy, plus he's my neighbour so I have to put up with him constantly. For once I DO care if he knows I'm gay, because I know for a fact his brother is homophobic. He told me he didn't like my music because his gay cousin listens to the same stuff.


From the sound of it you don't especially like this person (put up with him constantly) and if he is a neighbour and you are not yet out to your family, I think it would be quite risky (and nerve wracking for you) to let this person know TOO much about you. This is your life you don't have to open it up to anyone and everyone.

I think Tim has a good idea in telling the guy that your facebook is just for long distant friends but, if he wants to get to know you that you are not closed to the idea. That way he won't feel rejected or hurt and it will give the opportunity to see if this is the sort of person you WANT to be friends with.

You may not like turning down friend requests, I understand and respect that but you can't like everyone on this planet, you have the right to have your taste in people, people you don't like or have nothing in common with and to say so, nicely; you don't have to go round hurting peoples feelings but honesty in friendships is very important.

[joeyconnick]

I think it's really important for people to establish firm online boundaries and believe me, I know that's harder than it sounds. But the fact of the matter is that I'm sure most people reading this have friended someone they should have just ignored... we all need to be stronger. In this case, you have a really good reason to not accept this guy's request, so I would stick with that because it's not every stranger's right to know everything about you.

I have so very often wished that all these social networking sites would include some kind of "acquaintance" category or something that better captures the fact that the single label "friend" really doesn't capture the distinction between, say, someone I talk to every day and some person I met at a party 3 months ago. Because the way it is just makes it so easy for all of us to be passive-aggressive.

Of course on Facebook you could always set it so he only sees your limited profile... but then he might realise that and ask, so yeah, I know it's a tough spot to be in.

[Choucho]

Well, thank you all. ^_^ You all offered very good advice. But while pondering the situation today I realized something I had previously overlooked.
Since he goes to my school, we are in the same network. As a result, he can see my profile regardless of whether I accept his request or not.
-_- Bugger.
I wouldn't say I don't like him, but we're not friends. It's more that I hardly know him at all, but I know for sure his brother is homophobic. But I also know he's not as narrow minded as his brother.
My mother and my sister know that I'm gay, but my father doesn't and I'm afraid of what would happen if he found out. However, I don't see them having any opportunity to tell him. It's more the fact that if I have to wait for the bus with him every day and walk home from where the bus drops us off etc. I don't want to have to put up with the nonsense.
But, as I said he can see my profile either way so I'm sort of out of luck.
Thanks again everyone!

[tired_of_lying411]

You could check the "only let this contact see my limited profile" box. I don't think this has the sexual orientation on it.

But I'm not sure... Try it out with someone else, first.

The trouble with making a separate account is that it takes a lot of work and you would have no other friends or comments, etc on it. It would be kind of obvious that it wasn't your actual profile.

Good luck.