I'm not sure what comes next..?

[Wallaby]

Well, long story short, I liked this girl, Mom found some texts, she forbids me to see or talk to her, blah blah blah..she tells me that I'm just confused and I'm on the wrong path, throws the Bible at me, and just generally tells me I don't know what I want. While she's partly right, it's not in the sense she thinks. The only think I'm not sure of is if I'm bisexual or a lesbian. I couldn't tell her that though, so I basically just submitted to it. I still talk to my friend in secret, but it's not really the same.

The thing is though, Mom said that she'd send me to therapy, and when I told her it wouldn't make a damn difference, she just said she'd find one that would. So I know she'll never accept, much less tolerate me. I'm trying to debate whether or not to tell my dad. I'm closer to Dad than Mom, or it feels that way to me..but I don't know whether his reaction would be better or worse, but after the monstrosity with Mom, I'm not sure if I'd want to risk it..any advice?

[surfrboykai]

wow, i'm so sorry she threw a bible at you. i honestly don't understand how a parent could possibly treat their own children that way.

there's something called unconditional love peoples, why is that so fuckin hard to understand?

[Tim C]

The most important first step is for you to realize that you're okay regardless of your sexual orientation.

It's not important that you figure out all the details of your sexuality this week- you're still very young and you'll have a better idea of things over time. You'll figure out who you're in love with when the time is right.

One thing you need to realize. Your mom has your best interest in mind- she just wants things to be more simple than they are. She's not getting that you need her support- she's trying to motivate you to be the person she always thought you were going to be. She didn't consider that you might love women and it's freaking her out. I'm positive she genuinely loves you- regardless of whether you're a lesbian- it's almost as tough being a parent as it is being a teen and sometimes we parents don't do such a hot job. Love your parents despite thie faults!

Your mom's influence will diminish in time. Her ability to control any aspect of your life will soon disappear. Ultimately you don't need her approval- what you need is to be comfortable with yourself. You need to make healthy decisions, to make responsible choices, to be trustworthy and honest. As an Interfaith minister, I'm convinced that your relationship with God is more dependent on your personal integrity than on your sexual orientation.

One thing to consider about therapy- almost any therapist (unless they're specifically a "Christian therapist") will recognize that homosexuality is a legitimate thing and will make no effort to change you. If you don't have anybody to talk with- therapy sounds like a great idea.

Hang in there!

Tim

[Louise]

Don't give up on your mum, maybe this is a knee jerk reaction. There are loads of resources that you can print off or download for your mum. Take a look at the resources page here and on the Plag site. There are also support books for parents who are going through the acceptation stages. Most of the resources I have read all the same thing 'therapy will not make the slightest bit of difference'. You mum might need to see this from different sources - not just you coping a strop, in order to start to accept.

If you react to your mum in a reasoned, mature manner, supplying her with information and books explaining what you are going through, what you need from her and what this will mean to you both she will start to realise that this isn't a 'phase' or done to annoy her, that you are becoming a young woman with your own life, personality and sexual orientation.

I get the feeling your mum said those things to you because she is scared. We mum's who live in the hetrosexual world we have NO idea of what it means to be gay, NO clue as to how the gay community works, NO idea of what the future might hold for you. It's a very scary place to be for a mum. If your mum can get you on the 'right path' this is much safer ground for her, she knows how it works. Do you see what I mean?

Even thought you are surely going through a difficult time yourself, if you can, help your mum start down the rocky road to acceptance, be there for her when she has bad days and help her move forwards when you feel that she is ready, she will see you for the young woman that you are and not her baby who needs to be protected from all the evils of the world. This is a very hard thing for a mum to do. Take a look at the resources on grieving here to get a better understanding of how parents minds work.

If you think your dad might be more understanding it might be worth telling him then he will be able to give your mum, and you of course, the support you need. This time maybe prepare the groundwork, print off the resources that could help him understand better but above all HANG IN THERE it does get better (sometimes very slowly but you will get there slowly but surely)

Best of luck :thumbsup:

[beckyg]

Tim and Louise, we are sooo lucky to have you here! Wallaby, is your dad religious too? I think I would tell him but first do as Louise suggested and get him some materials to read. There is a great movie about a young lesbian girl who has problems with her mother's acceptance. Try to get it and watch it with your mom. It's called "The Truth About Jane".

[TriBi]

Hi Wallaby :smilewave (I'm guessing you're an Aussie as well?...)

Well - 2 of the 3 responses above are from Mums - and all 3 are straight and supportive - so hopefully that will go some way to show that your Mum just needs time to learn and accept.

I don't know if I can be much more helpful - but I might point you to this thread (in case you haven't already seen it):
http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=930

It might help you better understand what your Mum is going through and where she is at (right at the beginning stage, it would seem).

Hang in there - it will get better!

[Ty]

Id hate if my parents did that to me! But i have no worry of religion being chucked at me.... perhaps science? Man + Man not making babies -.-