Just to get things off my mind

[nanoman]

Hey everyone, this isn't really a question I'm asking, but just a rant to get things off my mind.

There's a guy I've been... having a lot of thoughts about. I first met him in music class and only knew him by face like anybody else. Then, the following years, I had more and more classes with him and occasionally talked to him during school events. That's when I started developing feelings for him without quite knowing why. I guess it's because I got to know him better and got a closer look at him.

Physically, he is everything you would want in a man: tall and sturdy like a football player. Whenever I look into his eyes, I can never quite get the colour; maybe it's greyish-green, I dunno. He's got a prominent jaw and chin as well. He’s also got dirty blond hair with dark eye brows. Whenever I talk to him face to face, I'm simply in awe. He towers over me (I'm short, hence my name), so I have to look up, into his piercing eyes. I can't stand it. I look away as if I’ve just glanced directly into the sun.

Personality wise, he's quite... childish. Maybe that's not the right word; sheltered and innocent, maybe? That's the impression I get when I talk to him and of the things he’s told me about himself. Maybe it's part of his up-bringing: the smallest child among three sisters (or was it four?). He does’t swear, he’s not loud; there’s something really gentle about him.

I always see him reading at the library, skipping lunch. I had a chance to talk to him while in the library, and I asked him why he didn't eat. He just said that he didn't know, without looking up from his book. He seems like a floater as well; never really having a group of friends. At least, from what I've seen, I can always be wrong.

With all of that said, why do I have these feelings? I mean, physically, yes, he's quite the beauty, but so are all the other hot guys at my school. I don't really find him all that engaging; maybe he's just shy or we’re interested in different things. Then why do I always feel so... excited when I see him walking down the hall?

I just figure I'm infatuated with this guy. I discovered a word on Wikipedia called “limerence” and I show the classic symptoms of this. I know these feelings are meaningless, but I swear to God, it’s annoying the hell out of me. It just sucks.

I just needed to dump that here. Sry if it’s too long. XD

[Revealed]

Hmmm...good rant. Well, I don't know if I'd consider it a rant, but I can see your a bit frustrated at not knowing why you have developed feelings for him. But sometimes we fall for people without having any reasons, or obvious answers as to why.

Maybe it is the fact that he's a little bit different and quieter than the other guys. Is it possible that this has caught your attention or intrigued you a little bit?

[Louise]

You will drive yourself crazy if you try to analyze WHY you are attracted to a certain person. It's a chemical thing pheromones or some such. Affinity with someone cannot be explained, you have it or you don't.

There is no logic, there is no controlling it. Somethings in life are not meant to be understood we just have to accept them and see where they lead us. :icon_wink

[nanoman]

Thanks for the response; I wasn't really expecting one. To answer your question Revealed, I guess it's because I'm in awe at how someone so beautiful and powerful could be so gentle and quiet... I see a bit of myself in him, spending lunch in the library reading, never having a group of friends. Those first few years of High School were crushing... Things are better now, I spend time with my friends during lunch. The situation seems similar in my crush, but I'm sure it's for different reasons.

There is no logic, there is no controlling it. Somethings in life are not meant to be understood we just have to accept them and see where they lead us. :icon_wink

I know I have to accept these feelings, but I just hate the idea of wanting something and not even having the chance at attaining it. Though your last sentence reinforced something I had in mind... I was thinking about spending more time with him and making my presence known. It's gonna be difficult, because I don't have him in any of my classes, but I'll find the opportunity. If I can't 'have' him, then I have no choice but to accept that too.

Thanks again for the response.:)