Problem with my mother

[Perrygay]

My mother and I have been having a lot of problems lately. And today was no different. By the way, this is kind of a rant, so sorry in advance.

Let me tell you about today first. For some reason, the people in my English class have been failing every paper (except for me, thankfully). So before we're allowed to hand our papers in, our teacher has been forcing us to have someone outside of school look over our papers and sign them after they're done making suggestions. Usually I just have my neighbor do it, but he's out of town, so I thought it would be no big deal to have my mother do it this time. The subject was "You're First Boyfriend" for girls and "You're First Girlfriend" for guys. I had NO idea that was the subject, because I hadn't looked at the sheet of all the subjects we're supposed to write about beforehand. So I honestly wrote about the subject; I've never been with a girl and the reason why. Needless to say, when I gave it to her to look over, she instantly broke down crying. Like sobbing and gasping for air crying. Was I supposed to do, lie?

I honestly don't know what to do about her anymore. She's been driving me crazy with guilt over everything I do lately, and I don't know what to do about that either. For example, I'm fighting Walmart's decision to build a store near my house, I've been actively trying to start a GSA in my school, I joined a support group in town for people struggling with their sexuality; and all I get from her is bitching.

I'm just naturely an outgoing, leader type of person. I fight like hell for everything I believe in, and I thought most parent's would be estatic about that. But my mom just complains about it. "Why do you want everyone down here to know you hate Walmart? You know you can't stop them." "Why do you have to identify yourself as gay in school?" And I don't know what to say to that but "I honestly don't give a f:***:k what these rednecks down her think about me."

And, believe me, if we could go to counseling, we would. We've actually been a few times, but each time we visted the therapist told me I should try going to one of those church organizations that claim to turn gay people straight. And even if he wasn't such an asshole, we couldn't go anymore now anyway. My mom got promoted and she's been having to work late for the last few months to get adjusted to her new position.

I'm not sure if anyone could offer any real support, but I think writing about it helped me a little:tears:.

[Ilayis]

That kinda stress sounds heavy!I'm sorry you can't get the support you deserve for what you are trying to do.I hope writing it did help you a little.

[Midnight Angel]

First of all I think she's being totally unfair to you. Approaching it from an impartial position I think she is being unfair. With all these things you do and the independence you are displaying you're right she should be pride that you're participating in these things whether or not she likes your sexuality. She really is giving you a hard time unnecessarily.

[Louise]

You can no more change your strong leadership character traits than your homosexuality. You have accepted who you are and are proud of the person you are. You are right to be proud. You have the right to stand up for what you believe.

That your mother is having a hard time of it is difficult, it is certainly something to do with her education and type of character she has. Maybe your paper for your English class bought it all home to her. Maybe she has lots of stresses with her new promotion and doesn't really know how to deal with your strong beliefs and sexual orientaion.

It seems to me she has been playing the ostrich a bit and not facing up to the reality of who and what you are so that she doesn't have to deal with it at the moment. You seem a very mature young man and although you undoubtedly need the support of your mum you might just have to be a bit more patient with her and allow her to 'catch up' with a situation she doesn't really want to come to terms with.

When your mum has a bit more time you DEFINATELY need to change therapists - what century is he living in!!!

Good luck with your mum.:kiss:

[Perrygay]

When your mum has a bit more time you DEFINATELY need to change therapists - what century is he living in!!!



Ya, I think he's just some crazy evangelical.

[Bryan]

I am sorry to hear about all of that. Believe me, I know the pain you are going through. My mom has shoved me back into the closet, and told me I can come out when I go to college. Honestly, I just don't have the strength to deal with it. But, you should continue with what you are doing, starting a GSA at your school is great, kudos for that. Also, if you get the right kind of counseling, it can work. maybe you should talk to a doctor, or someone you know who could recommend a real therapist. Anyway, stay strong, I am sure this is tough for you.
-Bryan
PS- I hate walmart too, glad to see I am not the only one.

[xequar]

I am sorry to hear about all of that. Believe me, I know the pain you are going through. My mom has shoved me back into the closet, and told me I can come out when I go to college. Honestly, I just don't have the strength to deal with it. But, you should continue with what you are doing, starting a GSA at your school is great, kudos for that. Also, if you get the right kind of counseling, it can work. maybe you should talk to a doctor, or someone you know who could recommend a real therapist. Anyway, stay strong, I am sure this is tough for you.
-Bryan
PS- I hate walmart too, glad to see I am not the only one.Wait, hold on, what? Believe it or not, your mom can't really control who you tell. If you want to tell people and come out, you should be telling people and coming out. Just because she gave birth to you does not mean that she should get blind, unquestioned allegiance and free reign to be overbearing.

Actually, I think that last little bit applies for our OP, as well. Perrygay, it sounds like you're doing the right thing here, so I'm going to say the same thing I said above. Giving birth does not immediately demand blind, unquestioned allegiance. Yes, you should exercise at least a modicum of respect, but anything beyond that, in my view, must be earned. I know it's rough to deal with, but just ignore her crap. Either she'll realize that you believe strongly in the causes you're supporting and stop harassing you, she'll get bored and "give up," or you'll move out at some point. You'll be a better person for being yourself than caving to your mother's pressures and guilt.