Coming Out Support Groups Are Great!

[Chris1977]

I have only just begun to come out myself, in my late twenties. However I want to do what I can to help other people come to terms with their own sexuality. It took me 12 years to really accept myself. I was homophobic and was very turned off by gay stereotypes (limp wristed, lisping, effeminate, casual sex craving men). My homosexuality was a big insecurity for me for many years.

The best thing that I did was to attend a coming out support group meeting. I _very_ strongly encourage others to do this. I attended my first meeting in mid December, it has been about a month and a half and I have made amazing progress accepting myself as a gay man. The support group has been great for me. I went to my first gay bar with friends from the group. A friend from the group invited me to my first gay party, and I had a really nice time. I have found the group to be a safe place to meet really nice guys in a similar situation to my own. Just two months ago I could not imagine that I would be as comfortable with my homosexuality as I am now. I believe that I can thank the group for most of that. Most of my concerns about being gay have been ameliorated by the group. I have also become a more tolerant person. If I expect to be accepted as I am then I need to accept others as they are. There are all kinds of gay men out there. Many are just like me, and many are not.

I wish I had come out sooner. I am beginning to feel like a complete person. People can come out at any age. I thought I was coming out late, however there are guys in their 40's and 50's coming out now. They are having a great time. It is like they are young again. It is great for me to see that older gay men can have a good time. There are also quite a few formerly married (to women) guys in the group, so there is a support infrastructure for that as well.

A good support group won't force you to be gay. You can be bi, or just curious. The group won't force you to come out to anyone. There is no pressure. You can try the group out, and if you don't like it then try a different one. You can even be fairly anonymous, at the group we only go by first names.

Do yourself a huge favor, and attend a support group. You can help yourself, and other guys at the same time. Do a google ( http://www.google.com ) search to find a coming out support group in your area and then go.

It is OK to be gay. The first step can be hard, but I now know it is worth it.

Chris

[BaciListClostridium]

Good for you, Chris, and thanks for sharing. Though I've been out for several years now, I still have homophobic tendencies. I've been thinking about joining some kind of support group for some time now, and you've just given me the impetus to search for one -- thanks.

[Paul_UK]

Hi Chris,

Your situation sounds very similar to how I was at around your age. It seems to me that mid-late 20s is the second most common time in life to come out (the most common being around mid-late teens). Like you, I reached a point when I just had to do something about it, and stop lying to myself.

The closest we had to a support group at that time was a monthly "gay evening" in the grotty backroom of a run-down pub, organised by the local Gay Switchboard group. It wasn't as supportive as the one you went to, but it was a real start on the road to coming out, and the first realisation that most gay people are just ordinary people who happen to be gay (my head was full of the stereotypes before I stepped into the place).

On my second time there I met a guy who was there for his first time. We became good friends (just friends, though many people thought otherwise) and supported each other through the coming out process.

I also wished I had done it much earlier and felt I had wasted those years. But then if I had it is very unlikely that I would have met Markie 14 years ago. There is no point in looking back - always look forward!

[Chris1977]

Motionmaker:
Good for you, Chris, and thanks for sharing. Though I've been out for several years now, I still have homophobic tendencies. I've been thinking about joining some kind of support group for some time now, and you've just given me the impetus to search for one -- thanks.
I am glad my experience has inspired you, I hoped it would inspire someone. It is also nice to have a mix of people at different stages in the coming out process in the support groups. A few of the guys in my group have been out for many years, and it is really good to have their perspectives on things. They also help to get us new guys involved in activities.

Paul_UK:

I also wished I had done it much earlier and felt I had wasted those years. But then if I had it is very unlikely that I would have met Markie 14 years ago. There is no point in looking back - always look forward!
Right, looking forward is the key. I just want to encourage people who may be scared to take the first step, to just do it. One reason it took me so long was that I did not know how to take the first step. I was way too shy to go to a gay bar alone, besides not being a "bar person". It is interesting that I am now a lot less shy. ;) It has been amazing to me to realize how much of my unhappiness was caused by being in the closet. A support group is a great first step.

Chris