Well, a litlle update on my situation

[goratrix]

NOTE: please, if you find this inaproipriate let me know and I will remove it. Although I don't think that would be the case.

I really need to talk with someone, and since this friend of mine I'm out to is out with her boyfriend, and some friends... well I can't really talk to her right now. But I need so say this things, so I can think them through.

A little backgroud: first of all, read my comming out story, cause it's quiet related. Now, there is this guy I like, although he is underage and I'm 18, so it's illegal and all that stuff. So I know nothing will happen, however I still find myself thinking about this guy, and fantasizing about him. which makes me really uncomfortable.

Anyway, long story short, he's a 1° leve balck belt, and I'm a student yet. even though he's just 15.

Today there was a show, where he, and some other members of the school demonstrated a few things. Forms, moves, sparring, etc. Anyway, afterwards we were hanging out at the mall (the show was there) and we started talking. I saw this girl, she one or two levels above me, and she looked kinda down. So I approached her and asked what was wrong (in an attempt to lure my mind away from this guy).

Well, she started talking about how men were all pigs, and that we were all idiots, and all that stuff. And after talking a little while she told me that she liked this guy, ironically the same one I like, and that he had treated her wrong. You know, he asked her out, and then he was hanging out with another girl, normal 15y.o. stuff. She was quiet depressed, so we talked a little about him, mainly it was her telling me stuff, and me nodding my head. Finally I gave her the advice to get over him, and I told her what I've been telling myself for the las four weeks: you don't really like him, you just like your idea of him. And that's not the same thing. Well, I think I helped her a bit, I joked a little about kicking him in the face on the next sparring lesson (hehehe) and well, that was about it. Now, somehow I'm feeling strange. I mean. I know this guy is a prick, but I still like him... or at least I like the idea I have of him.

Why is it that I always fall for the wrong one?

[nisomer]

It happens to the best of us man...But like you said to the girl "get over him". There's really isn't much else you can do.

[imnotgay]

after my girlfriend broke up with me for having the "wrong friends, dressing the wrong way" and all that shallow crap.... i still liked her. i think she realized this and proceeded to lead me on. i knew she treated me like crap, and my two close friends who i confide in told me shes bad news. she was flirting with me while she had a boyfriend... she would noticably lie about having boyfriends. i.e. she would flirt with me and whatnot, and then turn around and whisper to her friend about her boyfriend. id ask her if she had a boyfriend, and she always said no.

i couldnt help that i still liked her...EVEN while i knew she treated me like crap. but... i got over her. (ironically, she is my lab partner this year in chemistry)

another story that i hope helps you involved my best friend. she went out with this guy from 8th to 9th grade. in 9th grade... he breaks up with her in a one line email (that act right there made me and all of her friends hate this guy) she was head over heals in love with this guy. naturally, she called him to talk to him and ask him what was going on... he just kinda shurgged off questions, excused himself and hung up, and other forms of evasion. this asshold seriously screwed her up tho, she was afraid of getting close to anyone for 3 years... she felt awkward hanging out with me, her best friend, because she "might make me leave her like her bf did." well, this story has a happy ending, just a week or so ago, she threw away everything that reminded her of him... even the bracelet he gave her that she'd been wearing for the 3 years.


i couldnt help that i still liked my bitchy ex girlfriend. my best friend couldnt help that she still liked her asshole ex bf. you cant help that you like this guy. but my friend and i got over it.. im sure u will too, its just gonna be painful anf long journey. i wish i could say something more consoling... :(

but... let me ask this... do you want to like this guy?

[jenny2005]

I think that you have a lot of things going on right now. It doesn't seem like you have been out very long, and it has been relatively recently that you have fully accepted the fact that you are gay yourself. Because all of these feelings are coming together and being resolved, your emotions are also very highly sensitive. Since you are around this boy a lot, and because you are his friend, it is easy to fall for him. I think that best thing to do is to decrease time spent around this boy, and spend more time with other friends, and divert the attention you give to him onto other things/ friends/ people. That's not really an answer I guess, just a suggestion. It does take time and a lot of patience. Once you are more comfortable being out, and are able to talk to your friend (which I think will help a lot) about this, I think you'll feel a little better. I hope everything works out for you.

[Micah]

Here's another story:

I had this major crush on this guy at school. I fantasised about him everyday, and watched him from afar, admiring his gorgeous looks, and sighing over every little detail about him. I thought about what it would be like to go out with him and I built him up in my mind as the person I wanted him to be. Anyway, he was gay, so i came out to him, only to find out that he was a complete jackarse and very far uphimself (I'm not just saying that because he broke my heart either ;)). Anyway, moral is that people arent as they seem, and even now, knowing what he is like, you'll still like him. But in my experience it's easier to get over someone once you realise they arent all that you expected them to be.

[goratrix]

Well, no, I don't want to like this guy. I mean, I like him as a friend, and I would like to keep him as a friend. In a concious(sp?) level I don't like him. I mean, he's a jerk, he hurt this girl's feeling, and he's straight. Si no, I don't WANT to like him. And I make every effort to stop liking him. In fact I reduced the time I spend with him to the minimum, you know, only in classes... and while In class I tend to have my mind focused on not recieving a high kick or something right in the face. So I don't think about anything else. But oh! those few minutes while we change (and we take turns, cause there is no locker room... so we change in the barthroom) and well, I get changed and I have to wait for a couple of other friends. And I see him, all sweaty, in that outfit, or even in common clothing... and my mind goes out of control. I don't want to, but I just can't help it.

Anyway... call me stupid! I invited him to an rpg session next month, I'm introducing a couple of other friends to RPGs and well... it just popped out of my mouth. by the time I realized what I had done it was too late to take it back. I will drop it and hope he forgets... however If he asks me I cannot lie to him.

Oh, crap! I'm so stupid. I HATE feeling like this. It's like sillyness (sp?) takes over my mind every once in a while.

[hawkeye]

Your situation seems a lot like people who get a crush on people just for looks, Like getting hooked on a supermodel: You know they look great, but you also know that they are probably jerks. I guess this situation also applies to those people in school who you are attracted to, but know they are a slut or whatever else. The best thing you can do is just distance yourself, and for that RPG thing you invited him to, it this point, I'd try to bet more people over to make it easy to distance yourself from him. Hope it goes well for you!