Crazy maze

[Matt]

This might get long and drawn out, but I'll try to keep it short.

Here's the players:
Craig - 25/gay
Chris - 22/straight
Jeff - 21/gay (newly open)
Me - 23/gay

My friend Jeff met this guy at a hookup site. They, well, hooked up, and Jeff was "falling in like" with the guy. The guy dominated our conversations, and Jeff was forever asking me what he should do or how should he act to make the guy (Craig) like him better. Two weeks later I got to meet Craig. Craig, Jeff and I went to a nearby city (about 50 miles away) for dinner and shopping. It was Jeff's "going away" get-together because he was moving 500 miles away to Ohio.

I introduced Craig to my straight friend Chris. We all had a great time that night playing board games and what not, though Jeff felt a little left out. I saw it happening, so I tried to make Jeff feel included (afterall, he was moving away for two years). Craig started flirting with me after that night. I ignored it because of Jeff, and ignored it and ignored it and ignored it... Jeff moved away, and I kept ignoring the things he'd say, email, or text me. Finally, one of his friends pulled me to the side and said "Listen, Craig likes you, is there something going on that you wouldn't like him back?" I told her that I couldn't since Jeff was such a good friend to me yada yada yada...

Finally, after hearing Craig's friend and Chris tell me I'd be doing myself a disservice to let this pass by, I told Craig that I thought there was more to our relationship than friendship, and I'd perhaps like to explore it, but not at the risk of losing our friendship. Everything went well, and he told me that he'd wanted to hear me say that since the day he met me.

There's only one problem, though. About a week after we had this conversation, Jeff was forced to move back in the middle of the night. Yeah. Big surprise. Now Craig and I had some major explaining to do. We put it off repeatedly, until I confronted Craig, telling him that we couldn't just pretend that nothing was going on when there actually was. Craig never really got around to telling Jeff that he wasn't interested. On top of that, I started feeling guilty because I was going out with one of my best friend's love interest, and he had no clue.

Eep.

Enter the next problem. Chris and Craig hit it off wonderfully. Whenever I'd go to Craig's Chris would want to go (and ended up going, most of the time). For almost a month I didn't get to see Craig without Chris being there. Chris, god bless him, is an attention whore. It's one of his best traits. That said, whenever we're all together, he has to garner Craig's attention 100% of the night, and I always end up feeling like the third wheel. That said, whenever I try to go anywhere with Craig sans Chris, Craig always invites him because he feels like we're leaving him out.

I get the picture. Craig doesn't like me anymore. That's fine, too. I'd hate to ruin our friendship, and I wasn't sexually attracted to him at all anyway. He's a great looking guy, but I just can't find anything that really gets me off about him.

Content to write this one off as a failed attempt at a relationship, I quit flirting with him altogether, and just started being friends. What a relief. The only thing is Chris tells me that he had a talk with Craig and Craig is interested, but he thinks I'm not. Well, I'm not, but I was. I could be again at some point, provided my best friend didn't try to stay up Craig's ass all the time. AND if I got any clue or indication whatsoever that Craig liked me back, of which I have nothing. Nada.

Meanwhile, Jeff is pretending to be content with "just being friends" with Craig if that's the only capacity for which they can have a relationship. Chris tries to steal all Craig's attention whenever we're all together. Craig says he's still interested, and is worried that I'm not, but almost always invites Chris to go along wherever we go.

What do you think I should do? Continue, in vain, trying to have a relationship with Craig while Chris flirts with Craig all night? Tell Jeff what's going on and how bad a friend I've been? Tell Craig it isn't working out?

[nisomer]

Well 1st of all, isn't Chris straight?? Why is he "flirting"?

For Jeff, does he still like Craig? If so, I think you should stay back for a while, since you also said that you don't really find him sexually attrative.

If Jeff is not attrated to Craig anymore, you should still ask him for the "OK" to go out with Craig.

And with Craig, just tell him the truth. You 2 can't have a relationship because it wouldn't be right to Jeff (that is only if he is still attracted to Craig).

I hope this makes sense and is helpful!

[goratrix]

Well. I can't say I fully understand the situation. Although I have a personal sotry (yeah, one of many) that could help. In this case (like most of them) I actually was the third wheel. Now, I was 13 I think, as far as I knew I liked girls. And there was this one in particular I liked a lot. We got really close, became great friends, you know... everything. I finally told her what I felt and she kinda evaded me the next few days. About a week or two later she started going out with my best friend (male). It was a shock for me, but since we all got along so well, and there was this other girl (that I think liked my best friend) that was always with us... well it was quiet easy to go along as if nothing had happened. this lasted almost six months, we would go to my best friend's hose, while he and the girl I liked would just lie in the bed kissing, this other girl and me would just sit at his desk talking and making origami cranes. So... you can se we were really enjoying ourselves. When they broke up, after a fight worthy of a reality show, the four of us stopped talking to each other. This was five years ago, and still I have no word of any of them. So... as you can see this kind of thigs can get really in the way.

If I were you I would leave this craig guy, since you don't seem to have any feelings for him. Then I would talk to jeff and try to make things clear and apologize to him. And see what come out of this mess.

Oh, yeah... and about this chris guy... are you sure he's straight? I think he's either gay or quiet insensitive.

Another personal story. and it happen a few days ago.

Well, I will not get back on this guy I like (which seems to become the center of all my posts). But this story involves him. We were at the mall, with a bunch of other people. And he went to flirt with some girls, you know, get theri attention, phone numbers, etc. And I was looking after a kid whose father hadn't arrived yet. Now, this kid likes to jump on people, hit them and everything a 13yo likes. So I encouraged him to run up from behind this guy (the one I like) and to jump on him... you know, to make him look kinda riddicolous in front of those girls. I made it pass as a prank, but my true intentions were to get him away from them. So... as you can see. When we can't express what we feel we use other means. Like getting someone's attention.

Anyway, take a long hard look at this guy chris' history, and see if he gives any indication that he might be gay or even bi. And if you find anything... the best thing you could do is give him hints... but you could also face him and ask him.

[ahunt83]

It is a posability that Chris is gay but you say he has always been an attention seeker and so it could just be that side of him. I think you need to try to work out for yourself if you want anything more with Craig. Once you have decided you should sit down and have a chat about your true feelings, honestly is the best solution.

If you don't fancy him then tell him, probably best to tell him he's really cute too so you don't kill his confidence and just explain that you just don't fancy him in that way but really like being friends.

If you think he's worth going out with then tell him that you feel Chris is always around and you never have time alone. Unless you tell him this he'll never know and will never change.

[joeyconnick]

I'm also scratching my head about Chris being straight. But that's actually irrelevant: if you aren't into Craig, there's no point trying to force yourself to be into him or waiting to become interested in him. If it's that intermittent, it's not really there. So just let him go as a love interest and make sure he knows that.