get your coffee and sit back for a long read...

[ezbsvs]

well... i dont really know where to start. all i know is that if i dont do this im gonna get hurt.

so.

i guess it started back in 6th grade. i think. im in 10th grade now and so im not too sure about way back when. i just knew i was starting to see that i was different from everybody else. so i guess skip to 7th grade when i know things started going funny.
actually
i just realized
i need to start earlier
cause otherwise nothing will make sense.
see, when i was 2 and my younger sister was having her first birthday, my dad got hit by a drunk driver. he was not killed. but he was severly braindamaged. he still is. his memory up to the accident is fine. but after that, he barely recognized us.
so life goes on. his condition continued to steadily get worse over the years so i have spent my life fatherless and my mom still wont do a thing about it.
so now we can fastforward back to 7th grade. my life took a turn down dismal hollow road. i began to notice that i was intrested in the male body. the idea of homosexuality still hadn't been proparly explained to me. all i knew was the typical vulgar meaning of gay=stupid. so. here i was finding myself without male guidance and the idea of looking at guys becoming more and more appealing. then one night, disaster struck. sorta. i was at home and working on a project for one of my classes. things that were unique. so, its me and the computer and no one else around. so what do i suddenly notice? there was an ad or something that caught my attention about guys and all and so i clicked and clicked and followed some links and eventually found my self at a gay porno site (i dont remember what it was but even if i could i wouldnt return). so, i looked around a bit cause they had great pics and all. so i looking around and getting pics and such. so then the phone rings and its the mom and shes on her way home and how was my project coming? etc. so i lied and sayed great even though i had spent the majority of my time looking (unknowingly i suppose) at porn. i did not know about the clear history buttons yet. i didnt even know about history. i was fairly new to internet :icon_conf . so i exit everything and quickly pull up some stuff that looks like i had been slaving away for hours and hours. and then the power flickers, the computer dies. and the mom walks in the door. so then she starts up the computer and all and she like wheres all your stuff? and i say in powerpoint. so she goes and looks in powerpoint and lo and behold. there were my pics (dont ask why a powerpoint, it was my photoshop for years). so i go nervous and she sends sister away and i am sitting there saying go away go away. and of course its not working. so she assumes that im too young to know my sexual orientation but does warn me never to go to those websites again.
the next years were a blur of acting straight (and convincing almost everyone) and secretly looking stuff up and such
FAST FORWARD TO SPRING OF 9TH GRADE

my life died.
life was suddenly getting strange around the house. mom would walk in the door from work and into her room and not come out. this went on for about a week. then at church (btw, im episcopalian so we dont have problems with gays. really.)that sunday she and our priest called me and my sister to his office and sat us down. it was obvious she had been crying. so she told us. it turned out that my fathers younger sister had decided that my mom was not able to take care of my dad in an approipriate way. this is completely absurd seeing as my mom is secretary on the board of babcock center. which is the state wide place that takes care of peoples with brain damage and such. but, that did not stop my aunt. she had secretly moved my dad to las vegas where she lives and did not tell us. then she filed for divorce between my mom and my dad. she did not tell us this either. we simply recieved a fax stating that my mom was expected to be in court in las vegas the next day for a divorce hearing. well. we couldnt do that. they also wanted to sell his half of our belongings. we couldnt do that either. and my aunt also wanted custody of my sister and i. this was not an option for us. so our lawyers jumped into action. unfortunently we couldnt stop the divorce. but we managed to keep the house and everything and so life is somewhat back to normal. i will say though, one day, as god as my witness, i will get revenge for what that horrible lady who calls herself my aunt did. you all are witnesses to this.

anywho.
FAST FORWARD TO A COUPLE WEEKS AGO.

april 13th.

its our spring break and all so my best friend who i have had a crush on for a while invites me over for a sleepover. i had decided several months ago that if i told anyone i was gay, it would be him first. so normal sleepover. then things get intresting. were laying there. me in sleeping bag on floor next to his bed. and we talking. and what do most straight (i was still acting) 15 y.o.'s talk about? der. girls. so we sitting there and since i had years of practice acting straight i was able to continue the conversation rather easily. but i was lying there thinking just tell him just tell him. and i almost got there. but couldnt say it. so we continue our conversations and eventually we got on to the wonderful topic of fetishes. and hes going on about how dirty he feels cause he likes tall girls and im laying there thinking how clean he is compared to me and then he asks do you have any fetishes?
and i lay there and i dont answer for a couple minutes and he goes ello? and i say yeah im still awake. and he goes well? and i say. well mine make yours seem as clean as all get out and he says oh? and im still down there having trouble putting words together cause we had never gotten this into the topic and all and i say let me say this. if you could take a picture of whats going on in my head, you would see a desicion. i have gone around the desicion for years and years. and he says what desicion? and i say its...different. and he says does it have to do with the opposite sex and i say sorta... and then he asks i, are you gay? and that was the moment i had been waiting for. in my smallest voice i whispered yes. that was probably the happiest moment of my life. then he rolled over and looked at me for a second. then he said scoot over. and he came down and laid there next to me. we didnt do anything sexual or anything (but i wish we had (jk)) we just sorta talked about it and all and he was cool with it and i was getting (and still getting) cool with it. so thats how it happened. and so far hes been very accepting and all and is cool with it.

so thats it.
after that i started to be more accepting of it and i even told my mom. it wasnt hard. and she sorta knew. so life was cool. and then i started looking for places where i could meet and chat with gays and well, here i am.

all i can say now is thank you if you have read this. if you havent, then dont worry. i just needed to get it out there. and just so you know, us southerners are infamous for making long rambling speeches such as the one you may have attempted to read.
anywho, here i am.
turned 16 last week.
i am gay. and i do not regret it.

thank you for listening.

i

[nisomer]

hey, just wanted to say i read your story, and i hope that you will one day be able to see your father again. you have been through a lot, and i encourage you to stay strong. its great to see that your friend was so accepting, and also great to see you are happy being gay and do not regret it.

[ezbsvs]

lol... even if i could see my father, he wouldnt recognize me. the damage is very very bad. when i was old enough to read, and to know, i read greys anatomy. i understand a lot of it and i understood why and all...
but, life goes on.
its a big thing in our family and all... and all i can do is hope that he would have been okay with me...
ah well
mom says he would have but who knows?

i

[TriBi]

Oh wow...

Well, you certainly haven't had it easy.

Copngrats on the successful "coming out"...also on the fact that you seem to have kept your head together and made things work in pretty adverse circumstances.

Good to hear your story and hope to see you keep posting here on EC - also hope things get easier for you from here on in. It certainly sounds as if you have the right stuff to make life work for you:icon_bigg

[ezbsvs]

yeah,
also, even though ive only been here for two days, i really really want to thank everyone here who has made me feel really really welcome.
it also means alot to me to know that there are gay guys out there who are more or less like me. most of the gays in my area are really really emo and sry guys but thats just not for me. i would prefer to keep my bf's alive thank you very much. so it still means alot to me and all.
and again, thanks EC and everyone out there who has been watching and talking! it does help.
thanks!

i

[ezbsvs]

btw-
when i mentioned dismal hollow road up in my tale, that is a real road off the highway from where my grandparents used to live in front royal virgina.
those grandparents are either dead or disowning the family. also, they were magnificent people. my grandmother worked for the cia and did work in africa.
and my gramps helped design the b-29 bomber. and he launched the first satelites. and he was there when apollo 13 broke. hes the one who disowned us. but not because of me thank god.

anyways, i just thought i would put that up. dont know why. i dont want your pity if it seems that way.
i just need to say it all.
if you spent 16 years silently gay and putting up with crap from your female relations,(oh 'nuther random family trivia, my gramps and my uncle are the only males currently in the family. the rest includes mom sis 4 female cousins and a bunch of other random females. none of them except mom is the slightest bit gay tolerant. i have no plans to come out to any of them any time soon.)
like i said earlier, i just need to get this all out of my system.
and because im the main male in the family, i have all the family bearing down on me and all. and also cause i am the young strong male, i have to do all the heavy work. we live in 10 acres (i dont know the metric conversion sry) of land. guess who gets to mow it once a year. and fix the car. and put away the dishes every night cause im "tall" person (im barely 5'6". a giant in the family) so yeah....
i just need to vent right now...
my sister has just decided to take MY sailboat out tomorrow. and who has to get it all ready for her? and its cause she and mom are too lazy to go get theirs out of the docks...losers...
again. i just need to vent.
you can completely ignore this if you wish. but it helps me to get it out there.
its like a weight lifting off my shoulders. and a very heavy one at that.

wow. what started out as a random post has turned into a venting session.
shows my rambling talents...
anywho.
thanks for putting up with my crap everyone.

i

[tired_of_lying411]

while I read this I can't help but to see myself... My situation is just a few months behind yours and only slightly different. Other than your father, fourtunately, I don't have a similarity there.

I hope you get to have a easier life from now on.. I know that pretending to be straight (especially when people will actually believe it) is EXTREMELY stressful. That's me.

And yeah, where you stand on the emo thing is just like me. :biggrin:

[confused69]

OMG thats just like me except iam still acting straight one of my really good friends is gay tolerent but my other friend isnt that lets just say *open minded* i really hope i can get it out soon iam in grade 10 too and your right it is really stressful espeacially when everyone expects you to be a *leader* but i think iam about to blow up these days for some reason have been really hard but thats probably cuz of my friend who is soooo hot and i think he could be gay but iam not to sure and i'am trying to get over him but its not really working hes just one of those guys that stay in your head day in and day out and it gets really frustrating when you dont tell anyone but i think right now its best and your lucky you have a mom whos gay tolerent my whole family isnt so ya i see where your coming from

P.S. that emo thing is so true the only guys that are ever gay around here are emo lol but ya c ya late

[tired_of_lying411]

i just hope that the reason we cant find good, normal gay guys is because they are hiding too, just like us. The emo ones dont have that luxury, theyre so flamboyant.

[ezbsvs]

yeah...
it makes me feel kinda lonely though...
but who knows?
maybe if i came out all the way to everyone they might start coming out...
but it makes me nervous...
because there are some friends that i need to keep around me for various reasons and even though i said in another thread that its better to find your real friends and be happy, its easier said than done...
and it tears me up inside.
god...
the chronic depression is setting in.:help:
see, even though everyone here is a real person and all, its not exactly the most inexpensive thing to meet and date and all... so everyone sorta becomes just computers... its something that my imagination does...
it can change anything...
dont ask...
but i guess that me sitting here isnt going to do anything...
but does anyone know what i should do?

i know what i want.
i think i know how to get it.
i just dont have the courage...
or maybe its not the courage
maybe its the necessity.
i need to keep some of my friends. but they are homophobes...
bleh...
its like a sick taste stuck in my mouth...

does anyone else know what im talking about?

bleh...
i feel like im just putting to much stress on you guys.
maybe im finding out that the world is not as perfect as i would like to think.
the worst part of it all is i feel like all im doing is asking for a pity party and that makes me feel worse...
i guess its the residual from the years...

GRRR
I AM NOT GOING TO ALLOW SOMETHING AS STUPID AS MY SEXUALITY INTERFER WITH MY LIFE!:tantrum:
i will deal with this. i have just decided that if its between ruining my life and enjoying my life then i am going to do everything i can to make sure i enjoy it.
you know what... im going to talk to my therapist and see if i have mood swings because looking back at this post, i am really beginning to wonder...

also, confused69, are you sure you arent my alternate personality secretly sneaking onto the computer?
because that is eerily similar to whats happening to me. except im out(ish)(i think...)
but the hot friend you might think is gay but your trying to get over him?
that is straight out of my life... only different... only not...
because in my life he's straight and i dont think he's gay. only he does a really really good gay act. except when he's around girls. then he's all over them. but he has some of the more defining features....
but enough about him...

i just noticed... when i come to write these things, i start out somewhat unhappy. and by the time im done, life is starting to clear up.
huh.
well, if its what works, then i need to start a journal somewhere...
instead of burdening you guys.
:tantrum:
my mind is playing games with me.
i need to stop this...

as usual, thanks for surving another of my rants...

i

[lost]

heh, I have mood swings too but they seem to be longer and only over winter months.
I think we just get far too much pressure building up that we just have to let it out and here is a great place to do it because people are here to listen.
Also, I'm around on AIM if you want to talk about it later,

Will

[Paul_UK]

well, if its what works, then i need to start a journal somewhere...
instead of burdening you guys.
You're not burnening anyone here. This is exactly what this place is here for. If you post here people will read it and you will get responses. In a Journal you may get responses if people see it, but it doesn't become a conversation like a forum thread.

Anyone who does find your posts a burden just won't read them through, which is also fine. There's quite a lot of stuff going on here and we don't all read everything.

Keep posting. We are interested and we do care. Also as you've seen there are other people in similar positions, which is great as it hopefully shows that you aren't alone, and others may well have ideas for you too.

[LorenzG1950]

Hi ezbsvs,

Welcome to the boards. As Paul already indicated, you're not burdening anyone here. You have an entertaining style of writing and the makings of a good, sometimes sad screenplay for a great movie in what you've posted so far. And you have a good sense of humor. Guess you need that in SC country.
The journal idea is good, I've been doing 2 for many years. One is a simple notebook with pen that I carry everywhere. The other is on my laptop, sometimes with photos. It helps me track where I was at a certain point and how I felt. Mainly it allows me to focus when I have to arrive at a decision on some issue, like coming out to who. I just made 2 lists of names, green and red and went from there.

I'm making slow progress. On Sunday I was at the racetrack with my girlfriend when I ran into an old racing buddy of many years. Later in the day, he made a compliment about how good-looking my girlfriend is. I couldn't resist the bait. :grin: I agreed with him but added that she's married (to a cop) and that I'm gay. He about fell over, half laughing, half bewildered, not knowing what to think. I'll see him again in July and I'm curious how he will react.

Anywho, there are thousands of great tales (or tails?) in the Naked Cities of the world and EC has a connection everywhere. Keep those cards and letters coming.

Lorenz:cool:

[confused69]

these days its been super hard for me but i came out to one of my really good friends and she was really happy about it and accepted it 110% iam so happy now and the guy that i have a crush on i think he has feelings for me to i got mad at him the other day and he was trying to talk to me get my attention and usually when he gets mad at someone he usually ignores it but he was trying to patch things up and i just thought watever i cant stay mad at him forever especially when hes like this so today morning i went up to him and he went for a walk before school and kind of talked about our feelings and junk btw he doesnt know iam gay or that i like him but he really opened up to me and i think our friendship is stronger the only thing is that i think i want to tell him and i dont know how hes gonna react i know he doesnt care if iam gay or not but iam scared that it could still seperate us a lot and i just cant stop thinkng about him his ruged look his beautiful eyes oooooo he can make me so happy one day and the next i just get so mad he'll lead me on sometimes and then other times it'll seem he doesnt really care about anything and hes the hottest guy in my grade and hasnt had a gf in practically all his life so its makes you wonder ....
anyway i dont really know what to do at this point cuz it kind of seems we both have something to say but none of us wants to say something and i found out that he was like experimenting with drugs and stuff i confronted him about it and he told me to worry about my own life and i cryed and was like depressed the whole day he made me so sad and stuff but were good now but still iam worried about him but he promised me no more so its been good between us hmmmmm maybe i can make it a bit better :p :icon_wink

[GuitarGirl1350]

Hey

welcome, and I can relate in some ways to you. You don't sound like you've had an easy life, but it also seems you've turned out well. :). I too spend my life fatherless. He had a stroke when I was 3 and died six years later. Those six years he was always hopsitalized and I saw him for an hour or two a day.
I too knew -in the back of my mind- that I was gay from a very young age.

We're always here for you at EC whenever you need us to be. :)

[ezbsvs]

ello and good morning to everyone.
i would first like to take a second to thank the almighty power for saturday mornings.:eusa_pray
..
..

okay, i think thats enough of a moment.
lol
im in a fairly good mood right now.
and i have a reason for it.
okay, see, when i was acting straight (which i still do a bit of) i happened to get me a girlfriend. that was shortly before i came out. about a week or two before.
so anyways, ive been sitting here, because, see, even though im gay and all, i like this girl (not THAT way of course) but as a friend. and i do care for her and all, and i didnt want to hurt her feelings by breaking up with her. so its been conflicting in my head for several weeks now, and finally, she called a couple nights ago and said, dont be mad at me and i still like you and all, and then she broke up with me. of course i wasnt mad or hating her, it was really really good for me because now i can be a bit more of who i am and not who the world wants me to be. and next year she's going to a different high school so she doesnt have to know that im gay, i think she's a bit of a homophobe... but we are currently still friends which is a good thing i think...
so anyways, here comes the not so happy part.

okay, last night, my church youth group and some of our friends decided to go out to the river walk and then to this nice greek resturant and stuff. basically just hang out for a while. so it was going along wonderfully. everyone was having fun and all. so, we get to the resturant, and in our group there are these twins who are incredibly nice and all. so me and my friend (who happens to be the friend i came out to first) are sitting across from them. and so there we are, talking and, for lack of a better term, flirting.
and anyways, my friend nudges me and whispers something and i get out paper and pencil and we start passing notes. and basically the general conversation was why was i flirting with them and which did i like better even though im gay. and it bothered me a bit because i realized that i had been flirting with them. and about the time we started the note thing, the twins got out their "twin code" and did the same. and we were both keeping the notes secret and it was funny and all, but i am a perceptive person and i realized that the twins were thinking of whether or not me and my friend were available. and this kinda caught me off guard. i didnt say anything but my friend has a girlfriend and so he says "im going out with her" so they were like well what about you? to me. and i said, im kinda available. and this started to bother me because im gay and they were in a round about way asking us out and i was in a round about way saying yes. only i dont think they caught on which is lucky for me. so now that i have blabbered,

HERE IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
even though im gay, it seems that i have a slight attraction to girls. i know that i am 100% gay and not attracted to them sexually but somewhat romantically (sound cheesy?) and it worries me because i dont want to have to explain it to them but if i dont im somewhat afraid that i might ending up with a new date and then i will dissapoint her by not being very... sexually inclined? so i guess basically, i am wondering, is there anyone else out there that seems to have this problem of being gay and still flirting with girls and all?
it concerns me a bit but now that i think about it, it may be that i have had... shall we say, romantic? episodes with girls, nothing sexual but you know... and that i have only recently even TALKED to any gay guys so i dont have that sort of romantic thing going on...

has anyone else had this problem? because it is sorta sticking me in a rut and i cant figure out how to get out of it... since i dont have a partner at the moment, is it okay to have a girlfriend? even if i cant fully meet their needs? and if the occasion comes along that a guy appears in my life, what then? cheat on the girl for the guy until i dump the girl? i just dont have that sort of willpower... im a nice guy and i hate making people upset... unless they have already upset me... then they better run for cover. but if you have any expierence with this sort of thing, let me know because im kinda wierding out.

anywho, that is this weeks moral issues. thanks for listening!

i

[ezbsvs]

ello again!
i just realized that i forgot to respond to the posts that my readers have left!
sorry guys and gal.

i shall start from the beginning.

lorenz-
thanks for the thoughts about a journal. ive decided to start one somewhere (still looking) but we shall see what happens with that.
and just as a random question, i have to ask what sort of racing was it that you came out to your friend? see, my family used to be really into racing (my mom and her siblings grew up at the summit point race track) and so it sort of runs in the family...

confused-
i have to agree with you about the whole guy that you have a crush on, it is difficult to tell...
there is this guy at my school who shall be called "alex". unfortunently we have never talked. but oh my gosh. he has got to be the most beatiful guy i know. actually, he is the most beatiful guy i know. anywho, i think he might be gay, because he dresses rather nice and he doesnt have a girlfriend and he is in the chamber choir. and i only know of one guy in the choir who is straight. the others are iffy. so i have been thinking of approaching him to find out... but im a bit shy sometimes... so i dunno. plus what if he is straight and a homophobe and all... perhaps i should at least befriend him and then find out... hmm...
anywho, good luck with your friend!

and finally,
GuitarGirl-
it makes me a bit happier to know that their are other people who have lost family members... if it happens around here, people dont brag about it much... im also sorry that you lost your father... as you said, i think we can relate at least about that much...

anyways...
it is time for me to disapear.

i

[LorenzG1950]

Hi ezbsvs,

The "racing" is horse racing, harness that is, with a sulky. I'm a pretty good handicapper and manage to win quite often.

On having girlfriends, I think it's perfectly ok as long as you don't lead them into a romantic situation that you can't fulfill. It wouldn't be fair to them. Before a relationship becomes sticky, you'll have to tell her your gay so she won't get her hopes up. I tap-danced with my girlfriend for many years and she never understood. That's why she was the first person I came out too. Now it's a really cool and solid friendship, stronger than ever.

Lorenz:eusa_ange

[nisomer]

Yes totally agree with Lorenz...don't get into any sort of romantic relationship with them, especially if you haven't told them your gay yet.

[ezbsvs]

OKAY FOLKS!
TIME FOR THE WEEKLY RANT!

Today's topic is: the amendment (oooh and aah)

okay, the other day we were in some resturant or something and as we were leaving, i grabbed a newspaper. nothing exciting. then i got to an intresting article : SC pride march. and i was like "cool" so i start reading. then i found out something rather unpleasant. the SC house has proposed an amendment to our constitution (or something like that, im terrible at gov't) anywho, this amendment does two things.

FIRST
it defines marriage as the union between a man and a women.
okay, i can live with that, i'll just move to a different state and all. no biggie.

SECOND
it completely nullifies and does not recognize ANY same sex marriage. basically, if you and your same sex partner are in a car crash or something and he/she is hurt, you dont have visiting rights. in fact, simply being gay limits the majority of your rights. then, if he/she dies, you have no claim to property or whatever happens when your spouse passes away.

this
is
un
acceptable.

i swear
if this amendment is passed, i will declare war on SC when i have the resources (which will not be much longer now). yes i am being somewhat violent and all, but this amendment was also released as "the first of a series of laws etc. pertaining to marriage and same sex relations"
this is bs
i am not a happy person under these circumstances.
anyways, i need to talk to more people and expand my "out" circle so that i can be happier...

anywho...

ON THE PLUS SIDE...

i got a job!
w007.
i am now a professional architect and i design roofs.
yeah.
and im 16!
w007!
please excuse the l337 but ive been talking in it all day and i forgot how much fun it is to say w007.
lol.

anywho, this is probles the wrong place for this sorta thing but i been bragging about it all over the place because i am such a modest person :icon_wink

anywho, i dont know why, but lately ive been feeling more....i dunno....gay?
does anyone know what i mean?
it feels like if anyone asked i would be able to just say yeah and not have a problem with it.
unfortunently, no on has....yet...
if only people were smart...
and asked the right questions...

oh well...

btw- went and saw x-men3 at midnight last night-
angel is really cute... i dont know why...
and phoniex is my hero
i wish i could simply blow away anyone who got in my way....
muhahaha!!!

anywho...
enough of my random rantings and ravings!
its been a fun (and disturbing) week!

i

[joeyconnick]

has anyone else had this problem? because it is sorta sticking me in a rut and i cant figure out how to get out of it... since i dont have a partner at the moment, is it okay to have a girlfriend? even if i cant fully meet their needs? and if the occasion comes along that a guy appears in my life, what then? cheat on the girl for the guy until i dump the girl? i just dont have that sort of willpower... im a nice guy and i hate making people upset... unless they have already upset me... then they better run for cover. but if you have any expierence with this sort of thing, let me know because im kinda wierding out.Hmmn... well, I wouldn't go getting myself a girlfriend in your situation because the general assumption is that if you're dating someone, you're interested in them sexually, which one expects you wouldn't be if you were dating a girl. My personal take on flirting is that it shouldn't be done unless a) the other person clearly knows you don't mean anything by it or b) you do mean something by it, where "something" is interest in them.

[ezbsvs]

I DID IT!!!!

I CAME OUT TO ONE OF MY BETTER GIRLFRIENDS!!!!!
YAY!!!!

i am really happy that i have done it again and it feels really good for some reason...
and i would like to thank some people (i feel like im getting an award and making a speech...)

first, i would like to thank GuitarGirl1350 who was kind enough (and patient enough) to stay on aim and help me do it, it meant a great deal to me to have someone there who understands the whole situation...

second, i would like to thank EC, simply because, if i had not found this place, i would be little more than a sniveling little straight acting fag... and for helping me find people to talk to about being gay...

and finally, i would like to thank anna, who is the girl i came out to last night.
she will probably never read this, but i thank her for being very kind and accepting about it. it is good to have friends who care about you so much, that they just shrug it off if you tell them something like that...

but anyways, this whole episode happened last night and it forced me to realize something, that it really is easier to come out to girls than it is to guys... at least straight guys (i can see it now: me: yeah, um, im gay. guy: yeah? what about it? so's my boyfriend :arrow: ).i kill me....
anywho, yeah...

i've also decided to come out to several more female friends of mine throughout the rest of the week, especially one of my ex-girlfriends because she is very gay friendly and i really liked her and felt rather bad about my behavior around her....

so yeah, wish me luck...

anyways...
since ive decided to come out more, does anyone have some suggestions about how to start/do it? because so far, im just kinda like, yeah, um, well, im gay
and then yeah....
so, what are some ideas about this?

anywho, thanks again everyone!

i

[ezbsvs]

oh
my
god

i am honestly scared.

i was reading the yahoo news and found this.

"Bush to back gay marriage ban amendment"



By NEDRA PICKLER, Associated Press Writer Thu Jun 1, 6:04 PM ET

WASHINGTON -
President Bush will promote a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage on Monday, the eve of a scheduled Senate vote on the cause that is dear to his conservative backers.
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The amendment would prohibit states from recognizing same-sex marriages. To become law, the proposal would need two-thirds support in the Senate and House, and then be ratified by at least 38 state legislatures.

It stands little chance of passing the 100-member Senate, where proponents are struggling to get even 50 votes. Several Republicans oppose the measure, and so far only one Democrat — Sen. Ben Nelson (news, bio, voting record) of Nebraska — says he will vote for it.

The Senate Judiciary Committee approved the amendment on May 18 along party lines after a shouting match between a Democrat and the chairman, Sen. Arlen Specter (news, bio, voting record), R-Pa. He bid Sen. Russ Feingold (news, bio, voting record), D-Wis., "good riddance" after Feingold declared his opposition to the amendment and his intention to leave the meeting.

Bush aides said he would be making his remarks on the subject Monday.

A slim majority of Americans oppose gay marriage, according to a poll by the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press from March. But the poll also showed attitudes are changing: 63 percent opposed gay marriage in February 2004.

Those poll results don't reflect how people might feel about amending the Constitution to ban gay marriage.

The Massachusetts Supreme Court decided to legalize such marriages in 2003. A year later, San Francisco issued thousands of marriage licenses to gay couples.

This November, initiatives banning same-sex marriages are expected to be on the ballot in Idaho, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Virginia and Wisconsin. In 2004, 13 states approved initiatives prohibiting gay marriage or civil unions, with 11 states casting votes on Election Day.

Bush benefited as religious conservatives turned out to vote and helped him defeat Democratic Sen.
John Kerry in 2004. In Ohio, an initiative rejecting the legality of civil unions won handily. The same state tipped the election to Bush.

"The president firmly believes that marriage is an enduring and sacred institution between men and women and has supported measures to protect the sanctity of marriage," White House spokesman Ken Lisaius said.

Bush has lost support among conservatives who blame the White House and Congress for runaway government spending, illegal immigration and lack of action on social issues such as the gay marriage amendment.

Opponents of the amendment objected to Bush promoting a measure they said amounts to discrimination.

"This is fundamentally both a civil rights and religious freedom issue and the president's position of supporting amending the constitution is just dead wrong," said Barry W. Lynn, executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State. "This is simply to give ammunition to the so-called religious right just to show that the president is still with them."

i have not been this scared in a long time...

this is absolutely terrifying...
i think i will go post this elsewhere in the forum...

but, please, god help us.

i

[joeyconnick]

Uh... Bush has backed/championed an amendment to ban gay marriage for years. It's not terrifying--it's totally in character.

[ezbsvs]

oh...
but i still hate him for it...
and fooey for me not paying attention. i dont think he should be able to do that. it doesnt seem right to me...

[ezbsvs]

ello everyone...
i apologize for not posting lately... but i have terrific news...
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!
its the most wonderful thing in the world... i love him so very much...:love:
unfortunetly, he lives in Canada :icon_cry: so we are trying to arrange something... but im trying to keep it safe... anyways, him and i have been spending a lot of time talking and it seems that most of my gay issues are drying up... and its absolutely wonderful... THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH EC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and even though i didnt find my bf through EC directly, i found a friend who showed me a website where me and him met... and so again, THANK YOU EC!!!!!!! im very very glad with life right now... and im glad that things are looking up... :) its so very wonderful to have someone who loves you that you can love back... (*hug*) :kiss:

yeah...
well, since most of my issues have been resolved... im not going to be doing a whole lot of complaining here anymore... but i will stay around to try to give advice occasionally :grin: im still incredibly glad that i found this site and im glad that i have met all the friends that i have through here... THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!! and thank you everyone for putting up with me ;)


i

[Ginuwine]

Congrats, justwondering iwhere you found him and how you sparked in just a few days...come on, detail :eusa_pray

[ezbsvs]

ello everyone...

ginuwine-
lol...
you want details?
well... thats kinda private sorta stuff... but yeah, we did "spark" in just a few days... dont ask how, im still wondering the same thing... all i know is that we did and its wonderful...
as for the where...
through guitargirl1350, i was lead to a website called mogenic (www.mogenic.com) the best way i can think to describe it is... myspace for gays and lesbians... its a really really great site i think... but theres a chatroom and one day i was there and he popped up and said hi... and things sort of progressed from there... yeah... but its great... :icon_wink
yeah...
if you want more, then talk to me on one of my many more private areas... (pm, aim, msn, or yahoo...( but send me a PM before so i know where to expect you...) i will discuss what is disclosable with him tonight...

anywho...
for now,

i

[nisomer]

very interesting...

[ezbsvs]

lol

i

[ezbsvs]

ello...
i am becoming nervous...
see, i think my boyfriend is cheating on me... only im not sure... i want to talk to him about it... but he's not around right now...
i hope he isnt... i would rather it just be either we are together, or we just break up... i dont want to have to think that he might have been telling me lies... its just... not what i want...
oh, and now, the mom has decided to let me know that "its okay for me to be gay" but her actions have very clearly stated that she does not like the idea of her son being gay at all... and i do not like this. i thought my problems were drying up... but it looks like the wheel of fortune may have been spinning...
im not entirely sure if he's cheating on me... it may be random coincidence... it may be misinterpretation... it may be me...
im not sure... either way... i think if things dont work out between us, then im gonna stick with local guys only... :confused:
but i hope it does... i really do care for him... he is the best guy i know...
but... we shall see what events unfold from our next conversations...
for now,
i dont know what i will do...

i

[Dejavu]

after 2 mugs of tea i finally got tothe end of this thread and..... i forgot most of it already!! anyway, nice ending to your story.

[crimsonarcher]

loos like i'm not the only youngest one here..

[mrrolemodel]

i have something to say about back when you were talking about how you were interested in girls, only not sexually.

well. maybe its more of a Will & Grace thing?
:icon_bigg