Anonymous
23rd Dec 2007, 08:08 PM
On friday I went to a party at my friends house. My gay friend was there too cause we carpooled. Well at one point I was cuddling with him, cause well we're really close and he doesn't mind and I usually see him as like part of my family. Anyway I felt my heart beat like crazy and I was scared to find out that the feelings of love that I once had for him had come back. And I realized how much I still love him. And how much I want to be with him. But I feel bad because it took me forever to get over him and I have a boyfriend who I love dearly. You see it's not that I don't love him. I do. I love him as a friend. You see the reason I fell in love with him in the first place was because he was and still is perfect. He is the perfect man. He's sweet, caring, a good listener, gentle, open minded, independent, smart. Just all around wonderful. But I'm scared that these feelings have come back, because when I was in love with him it hurt. Because I was trying to chase after something I will never have. And I would end up crying because of it. But I'm just afraid because I don't want to cry over him. I don't want to feel hurt. I just don't know what to do. Because when I tried to ignore it it hurt even more. But sometimes when I acted on these feelings I felt like a) I was betraying my boyfriend and b)that there was no point in doing this because it wouldn't change the fact that he's gay. When were alone sometimes all I want to do is kiss him, or just to be held by him. It's just I feel so safe and loved when I'm around him. It makes me really happy. But I don't want to fall in love with him! I just feel like he isn't worth crying over. What should I do?:help: :help: