i almost did it.

[Anonymous]

Uhhh....I'm just gonna put everything on here, i've got nothing to lose, i guess...

I almost did it. I almost killed myself a while ago today. I read once in history, back in old days, that people sometimes would stic a blade into the ground and throw themselves on it. so i got a huge knife out of the kitchen, and stuck it in the ground in the side alley and i almost threw myyself on it. But my parents got home right at that moment and i flew back inside, cause i know they would go looking for me when they found i wasn't inside and they would find me still there.

The thing is, i have this problem where if i see a couple, or a someone who everyone wants, or someone good looking, i just get so mad, it like "wow you can never have people like that, your not good enough."

i TRY so hard, i look in the mirror, and i tell myself, " you look today" then i notice all the bad things, "you hunch over" "your out of shape and weak." "you have such bad acne" i just see myself as grotesque the whole time.

Ever since i came out to a few close friends, they've avoided me even more. Now i know the difference between avoiding, and just busy. I try to talk to them at school or something, and they walk away. i try to include them in things that i plan myself, no show.

I have no close people to talk to, no one i trust enough. And you guys suggest some chapters and stuff off of orginizations, but reading that stuff has never had so much as a impact. everyone around me are pairing off, and im almost the last one left. I spent new years alone, as my parents fell asleep.

My religious faith is gone. I used to be so close to the big guy, raise my hands in worhsip and stuff, but i just feel an absence of him from life. After while of praising, and asking him for help, i feel so empty, like theres no one listening. I dont belive in god anymore, i belive that when you die, your brain just shuts down, and theres nothing, just darkness, you just become another body.

This place is truly a great place everyone here is so nice. I hope this place lasts for a long time, to help others and so on and so forth. You guys have my blessing, and have been one as well, i guess.

i guess im saying bye, i hope this place lasts for as long as people need it, you guys have been great.

Good luck in the future guys and gals.

[sdc91]

Hey,

Suicide is never the answer. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

We've all been there before. Don't think you're alone. Out of shape and weak? You can control that! Go jogging. Do some pushups and sit ups and pullups. I started this past summer and in 5 months my body's changed a lot for the better. If you can't do any, start slow and work your way up. Got acne? Most of us have had it. I do. It'll go away eventually, or you can use some medications if you're well-off enough.

My point is, don't hate yourself. Focus on the good stuff you have to offer.

I don't know who you are, Anonymous, but I sure hope you stay here.

[beckyg]

Please get help! The times I come here and see posts like this just make me sick inside. I never want any of you guys to feel this hopeless. There is always hope and your life will get better. Suicide is never the answer. There have been times in my life when I have wanted to end it all. I'm happy that I pulled through and you will too! Please don't say goodbye. This forum can help you sort out your feelings and help you to see the beautiful person that you are! We care about you and want you to feel good about yourself. (&&&)

[Anonymous]

or a someone who everyone wants, or someone good looking, i just get so mad, it like "wow you can never have people like that, your not good enough."

i TRY so hard, i look in the mirror, and i tell myself, " you look today" then i notice all the bad things, "you hunch over" "your out of shape and weak." "you have such bad acne" i just see myself as grotesque the whole time.


Well I thought that a few weeks ago, theres this gay-friendly clubs I go to and there this guy Jérôme, nice looking, best dancer ever, he dances with everybody in the club, he's got a great reputation and everybody loves him.
I was like, theres no point, he won't even notice me...
The 2nd night I went to the club, he offered me a ride home and we spent the night together. I woud have NEVER thought it possible.

I used to have back problems too, I went to see an Ethiopath (?) dunno if thats a word in english tho...
He's like a magician, truely, he twisted me in the most unpainful way and now my back is perfectly straight.

Only you can work on your physique.

Acne? I had TERRIBLE acne all on my back, chest and upper arms, it's like 95% gone now since I've seen a doctor, it was at it's peak this summer, just befor I came out, on my arms legs, belly, butt, back, face, neck.
Now my back is covered in scars.
But acne doesn't stay forever.

As stated before, suicide is a permenant 'solution' to a temporary problem, I have close friends that have killed themselves and trust me, even some people that didn't really like him/them were deeply affected. Suicide only makes things worse... for others, I find it so selfish.

[pirateninja]

I'm begging you, please don't.

Ok, this is anonymous so I don't know if you're somebody I never talk to on this forum or if you're somebody who has become a friend on this place, but either way if you commit suicide it's going to affect a hell of a lot of people. You said you stopped because your parents arrived home. What if you'd done it earlier? And they came home to find you dead? Do you think they want that?

Suicide is not the answer. Unfortunately, life throws a load of challenges at people, some more than others, but the trick is coming over those obstacles, finding people who will support you in that. That's why EC is here!

Look, try not being jealous of couples. Trust me, I know how difficult that is. I've had to watch the love of my life walk away from me every day and know that she's not going to love me back because she's straight. But tell me, is suicide going to help either mine or your problems or anyone else's, or are they just going to cause more in the world you leave behind?

And as for acne, everyone has it. I have it. About 90% of people at my school have it. Everyone has faults, if we didn't, we wouldn't be human.

I'm sorry if I'm being blunt, but suicide is selfish, and attempting to solve our own problems with the hope that there'll be no worries after death.

I can understand that attempting the suicide was probably difficult. A great many people probably have considered it but far fewer actually go through with it. Hopefully this near escape will give you time to talk to people, to realise that maybe you need help. Everyone here always has an open ear for you to share your problems with.

[xxAngelOnFirexx]

Please don't kill yourself! it'll solve nothing! it will hurt people who care about you and they do. and all the problems you mentioned are temporary and will change and you can get better. please get some help! you can always talk to me i'll never say anything to anyone please give life a chance! i've tried to kill myself tons of times and failed and now i'm happy i didn't succeed just keep trying another day. life is tough but thats how things are you can get help and feel loads better. i'm said you are going to leave EC no ones making you go but please don't kill yourself. u are anonymous so i don't know you and it hurts me still that you are feeling so down and sad! (*hug*) PLEASE keep trying!

[biisme]

please don't kill yourself! please please please!!!

suicide is not the way to go. if you need to talk pleeeeeaaaaaase send me a PM. or send someone you feel comftorable talking to a PM. please don't do this.

xoxoxo:kiss: (*hug*) xoxoxoxo:kiss: (*hug*) xoxoxoxoxo

[Zec24]

Please don't kill yourself. It's not worth it. Please talk to someone, whether they here on EC or someone you trust where you live.

Also, please don't leave EC. It can help if you let it. Stay strong and give yourself a chance.

[s5m1]

I am sorry to hear things are so difficult for you now. It sounds like you are having a tough time. I have been there too. There are times when it seems like nothing will ever get better, no matter how hard you try. When you feel so down like this, it is hard to think about other options. You should go talk to a professional counselor. There are people who can help you feel better.

Think about how nice it would be to be able to enjoy life and feel good. You can get there with some help. As you said, death is permanent. It is not like on TV. You are gone forever. Many of the things you are having trouble with will get better over time. As some of the other posts said, there are ways of getting rid of the acne, you can change your body by working out. None of us know who you are because of your anonymous post, but I hope you can see we really care about you! Lean on us. Talk to us through the forum. Let us help you through this tough time. We care about you.

You are young now and have so many years ahead of you. Don’t throw them away. Life will get better. I know it might seem hard to do but tell your parents how you are feeling. They can help. Your parent’s love for you is endless. I know they would give their souls to help you feel better. Lean on them. Also, please don’t forget what your death will do to them. Your death will destroy their lives. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for them.

I have been where you are. I know how hopeless you feel. You are not alone in this. Please let us know you are okay.

[step49x]

If anyone hasn't read this yet, the brother of the anonymous poster (tokarov) has posted something about him here (http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?p=110336). He sounds like he's in critical condition. Please keep him in your thoughts and/or prayers.

[Anonymous]

I also feel like killing myself..i wish i had the guts.

I hope you get better Daniel you're a cool guy and my best wishes go out to you.