I need clarity...lots and lots of clarity.

[Anonymous]

I'm hoping that when I post this I'll show as "anonymous". If not..dammit! lol
Anyway, I know I'm bisexual, but like everyone, I still get VERY confused at times. I can't seem to understand why...
I don't really notice guys all that much, but I'm really sexually attracted to them. I can get aroused by them easily. The thing is, I can't see myself in a relationship with a guy.
With girls, I notice them all the time and I'm just completely drawn to them. I can see myself in a long time relationship with a girl. Like, that's who I wanna be with. But I can't really get aroused. Not like I do with guys. I can, but it's different. It's on a more emotional level. I am physically attracted to women, and I can think "love" but I can't really think.."sex". And with guys, I can think "sex" but not so much "love" or "relationship".
I don't wanna grow up and be in a relationship with a guy where the sex is great, but I'm just like "yeah, I just wanna be friends. I just see you a friend, y'know?" and I don't really wanna be with him. And I don't wanna grow up and be in a relationship with a girl where I love her sooo much, and she's my world and she's my everything but our sex life isn't all that great 'cause I can't really see us having sex. I don't know. Maybe it's because I don't know how.
So what is going on??????

[Nodnarb]

Ok...this is just my personal experience, it may not be the same with you, who knows.

Anyways...I was confused like that for the longest time. I had an 'emotional' connection to women, but a 'physical' connection to men. Like you, I could see myself ending up with a woman more than a man. Yet I was much more physically attracted to men than women.

After I thought about it for a LONG time, I realized the reason I saw myself in a long term relationship with a woman rather than a man was because that was what society had told me I should want, not what I truly wanted. I was clinging to the hope of being 'normal' and just covering up my feelings toward guys.

Just this week I admitted to myself that I was gay, rather than bi. To do that I had to get over my belief that I had to be with a girl to be happy. I had to realize that I was gay and I would be better off just being true to myself. It was a hard process, but I'm SO much less confused now and I can hardly believe how great it feels.

Here's a link to my thread about coming out to myself. http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6040

So, I guess my advice to you is to ask yourself if the reason you don't see yourself in a long-term relationship with a man is because you really don't want to be, or if it is because that is what the societal norm is.

I don't know, maybe this post won't help you, but I hope it does.

[Ilayis]

What a dilemma!

I don't have the answer,but I hope someone else does,or you find it.(*hug*)

[Anonymous]

This is probably what's up:

http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showpost.php?p=111438&postcount=15

Personal opinion time: if you don't get aroused by women, you're not very bi. Being bi doesn't mean you feel deep emotional connections to men and women. It means you are capable of deep connections to men and women on ALL levels, including sexual. It's much more easy to block any sense of emotional connection to men (if you're a guy) than it is to block the sexual connection (although sadly that can be done too).

That is, it's much more probably given how you were likely raised (i.e. assumed to be straight like most people in society) that if you were truly into women, you would easily feel aroused by them sexually. Whereas it's just as probable given how you were likely raised (straight) that you would have difficulty admitting to or conceptualising any emotional connection to a guy.

YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Ok - as my profile says I'm bi.

I can offer my experience but the answer is never black and white.

I was at an all boys' boarding school where I had my first sexual experience. I did think of girls and what I could do with them sexually but never had any experience of girls due to the all-male environment. In fact, I was easily aroused by thinking of what I could do with girls. All this was at the same time as getting it off with boys. If their had been girls at the school, I probably would have made out with them too, but this is just assumption because the opportunity was never there.

So my formative years were spent as fancying sex with girls but actually fulfilling that fancy with boys. So the question is - was I straight but enjoyed gay sex?

I left school, met a girl, got married, had kids, etc. Although I had a strong sexual attraction to my wife, I still felt more fulfilled having sex with men and there was also an emotional attachment with some men. I sometimes "see" myself happier in a male relationship but the pull is never strong enough to leave home and find a guy. I'm still with my wife who suspects nothing. I don't feel the need to actively pursue gay sex but when the chance has been there, I've taken it.

What I'm trying to say is (and I don't know your age) you'll go through phases of not knowing what you are, ie bi or gay. Eventually, you'll settle down one way or the other. It's not a simple as I'm bi and that's it or I'm gay and that's it. You'll fluctuate between the two. Don't stress out trying to work it out. I know it can be confusing but just go with the flow and eventually you'll be happy one way or the other. I hope this helps - slightly off topic but I hope it shows that what you're going through is normal. Good luck and if you want to chat further you can PM me.

[Bromptonrocks]

^^^That was me. I'm sure I unticked "Anonymous". :eusa_doh:

[Dizzy]

According to recent psychological theories of relationships, we in fact have THREE orientations to take into account; sexual, romantic, and platonic. These equate to: People you want to have sex with, people you feel a romantic connection to, and people you get on well with as friends. All three of these are a sliding scale.

If I was to psychoanalyze what you have written, it sounds like you are tending towards (i.e the end of the spectrum that you are approaching);

If a guy:

Homosexual

Hetroromantic

No idea

If a girl:

Hetrosexual

Homoromantic

No idea


The point of me writing the above is to show you that you don't have to like one sex more than another for everything, attraction for the three forms of human relationship facets (parts of a relationship of any kind). I am not saying that this model is absolute, but it does show that you are not necessarily 'confused', it is perfectly possible to feel like you describe.

Where this takes you? I don't know. It is traditional in our society to have only sexual connections where there are also romantic connections and, to a lesser extent, vica versa. I don't really have any advice on this front, however it is important to realize that there is nothing invalid about feeling this way.

[Anonymous]

I was a similar way when I was wondering if I was bisexual leaning towards women or lesbian.

However more of it is in my blog here on EC. So feel free to red it. If you want.

[Katness]

I was a similar way when I was wondering if I was bisexual leaning towards women or lesbian.

However more of it is in my blog here on EC. So feel free to red it. If you want.

^^^that was me. I forgot the anonymous thing again.

[Katness]

This is probably what's up:

http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showpost.php?p=111438&postcount=15

Personal opinion time: if you don't get aroused by women, you're not very bi. Being bi doesn't mean you feel deep emotional connections to men and women. It means you are capable of deep connections to men and women on ALL levels, including sexual. It's much more easy to block any sense of emotional connection to men (if you're a guy) than it is to block the sexual connection (although sadly that can be done too).

That is, it's much more probably given how you were likely raised (i.e. assumed to be straight like most people in society) that if you were truly into women, you would easily feel aroused by them sexually. Whereas it's just as probable given how you were likely raised (straight) that you would have difficulty admitting to or conceptualising any emotional connection to a guy.

YMMV.

I agree. Although I didn't know that at first. When I was younger. But I learnt it fast.