I need serious help and advice EC

[Anonymous]

Dear EC Community,

I come to you guys (and girls) today in tears and i humbly ask for your advice for i have never asked before. I would usually go to my grandparents about situations like this but they both died and all my EC seem to have abandoned me(i don’t have much anyways).

I am asking for your help for idk what from what not to beleive anymore. Yesterday, my mother came in from the grocery store overhearing my cousin(only person i have told my little secret so far) and i speaking about our new years resolution(which is for us to help each other find the perfect guy for us). She didn’t say anything so i thought that maybe she heard nothing much. Anyhow, today i usually go to church atm. However i woke up this morning feeling very dizzy and i decided that i would stay home and my mother started mumbeling stuff all around the house (big empty house = echo in the early morning). She said things like “If it’s a man ur going to look for then don’t think of calling yourself my son” and when she asked if i wasn’t going to get dressed for church and i said no she said “that is why these things are happening to you, your a disgrace to the family.” She went on saying stuff like God was no longer looking out for me because i have same sex attractions and supposingly me missing church for one Sunday is a omen to this. I am an only child and if i am a disgrace to this family then if she considers my dad and her alone a “family” she is soo wrong (she is an airhostess and when she is away my dad sleeps out :x)

Idk what to do now, running away? I have tried before, but Jamaica is too small to hide me. Suicide, (ha!) tried twice; the last attempt i mixed lemonade in a drinking glass with a whole bottle of sleeping tablets and when i drank it, i realised all the tablets were stuck to the bottom of the cup, soaked and clumped togeather. I got so upset, i broke the glass and started stabbling my hand middle untill i passed out then later woke up in bed with my cats beside me(i usually talk to my cats, great listeners but they can’t share opinion), they seem to care more about me anyways. Suprisingly my parents never spoke to me about that day or questioned why i did such a thing. So there an then with that being my second attempt at suicide and NOT being dead obviously means it’s not my time to die.

Is there anyone, ANYONE, who can tell me what to do right now. I am baffeled atm in trying to figure out whether God is real, or just something i grew up beleiving; or am i a loser for having same sex attractions and is it “wrong” or “right” or just normal or am i just destined to live this missery. Since i failed at suicide, should i try again or am i MAYBE in the wrong religon or is it just my environment? Please, anyone who reads this please tell me what you think i should do. :(

-Alex.

[Ty]

Firstly, you don't have to be afraid to ask people at EC for advice, you'll find alot of them are very welcoming about situations like this - you are not alone!

Secondly, suicide, as its been said, is never the answer *permanent solution for a temporary problem*

I think your mother is a bit confused about homosexuality, it usually is tough for kids with a religious family background, but you need to get this out in the open and explain that you ARE STILL HER SON.

I don't believe that any mother can simply stop loving their son just because of whichever sex they are attracted to, i find that notion crazy.
I think after you've spoken to her, you should give her some of those PFLAG leaflets that becky mentions sometimes *I'm sure Becky and you can arrange to have some sent to your house* and maybe that would be able to help her accept you more.

Just remember, your not alone, and whenever you need help, EC is always here.

(*hug*)


/Ty

[Anonymous]

thanks, u do have a point about the suicide thing...but who's Becky?

[s5m1]

Alex, I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. We are always here to help, so please turn to EC for advice at any time. There are some posts under Support and Advice about coming out and parents and the stages of grief that they go through. Please take a look at these.

There is nothing wrong with you. Whether you believe in God has nothing to do with whether there is something wrong with you. You have done nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong in being who you are. It may be hard for some people to accept who we are at times but that does not mean you are at fault. That is their problem. Some religions seem to preach intolerance for gays. Just because that is the position of a particular religion does not make it right. You have nothing to feel ashamed about.

Hang in there. Perhaps sit down with your mom and have a discussion. I know that will not be easy. It is going to take her a while to deal with this. Remember, you have been coming to terms with your sexuality for some time; however, your mom is only now starting to do so.

Lastly, I know things seem very bleak right now. It will get better. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. As hard as it is for you to accept right now, I promise you will feel better if you just give it some time. You don’t get a second chance to live another life if you kill yourself. That is the end. You will be missing out on so many happy days in your future. I have been depressed like you and had trouble seeing solutions to my problems. I also thought my life would never improve. With time (and some work with a psychologist), it did. Yours will too. Talking to a therapist is very helpful. You should go see one. There is nothing wrong with seeing one.

Hang in there Alex. Give it time and things will start to look up.

[s5m1]

Beckyg is an EC member and the mother of a gay son. She is very active in PFLAG and can probably give you some good advice here. PM her. She is a wonderful lady and always willing to help.

[beckyg]

Alex, first thing I'm going to do is give you a big hug. (*hug*) Hang in there, your mom is reacting to something she doesn't understand. You need to help her understand.

First thing you should do is either sit down and talk to her alone or if its easier, write her a letter. Explain to her your feelings and how long you have had them. Tell her that you love her so much and you want her to understand. She may not come around right then, but it will give her something to think about.

Second, PM me with your address and I will mail you PFLAG materials that explain about homosexuality and what the psychiatric profession has to say about it. I will also include religion materials. There is also some good books written by parents of gay children that are available on Amazon if you are able to purchase anything for her. What is called "Now that you Know", that is very good.

If your mom knows how to use the computer, I will give her my e-mail and will talk to her. I have been speaking with a woman who is Muslim and whose husband is from Greece for a couple of years now. She has come around and accepts and loves her son.

Cultural/religious barriers are sometimes very difficult to overcome. The thing is many cultures see homosexuality and gender identity differently. There is a Native American tribe that views homosexuals/transgender people as having "two spirit" and they are held in the highest regard. There is some people (I forgot where, sorry) whose men only have sex with men until they want to conceive children. We had an anthropoligist come to PFLAG one time who taught us about all this. I had no idea! It's all very interesting.

Unfortunately, we are taught that sex and gender are easily defined and only include a heterosexual male or heterosexual female. Heck, even animals don't fit these discriptions. There are over 450 species of homosexual animals!

Education is the key to helping your mom understand. Keep the communication open. Please, please, please do not attempt to commit suicide again. You have friends here at Empty Closets. Come talk to us. We're here to help you and we care what you are going through. Being rejected from somebody you love is the worst. I know, I've been there. Just try to understand that your mom doesn't understand this and she is reacting in the only way she knows and that is what she has been taught in her religion. And it's wrong! Again, PM me with your address and I will send the materials.

[Paul_UK]

I can't really add much to the excellent advice above.

There is a good thread about parental stages of grief here http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=930 which you may find useful, too.

[biisme]

So many good comments have already been added, so this is more of a emotion post.

DON'T COMMIT SUICIDE. It is NOT the answer. DON'T DO IT.

Everyone on EC is here for you and you can always talk to any of use. We love you!

(*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)

[Anonymous]

I agree with the comments above.

Also. No, suicide is not the answer. (been there herself)

Plus there would be people in life who care about you more then you think. And you do NOT want to put them through that.

Like others have said. You have friends here. And we welcome you.:smilewave

[Katness]

I agree with the comments above.

Also. No, suicide is not the answer. (been there herself)

Plus there would be people in life who care about you more then you think. And you do NOT want to put them through that.

Like others have said. You have friends here. And we welcome you.:smilewave

:bang: Again, that was me.

And not saying who you should believe. But, listen to Becky. She knows what she's talking about. And she's wiser and smarter then me. :grin:

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

everybody above has given great advice ^^^

and about god not loving you for having same-sex attraction (or any variation on that crap)..? god = love, right? all god wants is for people to be happy. same sex love is love too right? and it doesn't hurt anybody. so god loves same-sex love. she bloody loves it. if god is love, god is same-sex love too. :grin: hope that helps!

[Anonymous]

All good advice above.

Also recall the book of Job in the Bible. God tested his faith by taking his family away, his health, and his wealth. God may be testing you with your fears and uncertainties. yes, he is real, and he loves you no matter what person you may be attracted to.

Never give up hope! God blessed us all with hope to overcome all problems!