Yin Or Yang

[Anonymous]

The trouble I'm having with the whole gay thing is my inability to think that I could have an emotional attachment to a guy.It seems remote that I could be in the arms of a male and hold him and comfort him or be comforted by him.
The sex I can get into, but it's physical without an emotional dimension.Again it's that societal structuring,Boy meets girl.Boy and girl fall in love.Boy and girl share feelings and support each other in thoughts. Love. Sex. Trust. Sex. Love. Share. Love. Sex.
Again I realize that this is my shortcoming.But it seems a stretch to come home from the office,
"How was day your luv?"
"It was real tough."
"Well come here lover I'll give you a big hug." [a short time later] "Feel better now luv."
Whew! "I sure do."
Actually in writing this I feel it's a dream that could happen.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure where you're from, but here in the US, guys are definitely not raised to be affectionate. And, they stereotypes tell us that gays just want to have sex. With all the images that are thrown at you, no wonder guys have so much trouble picturing themselves in a caring relationship! (hmm, i sound like that gay relationship book i've been reading... :dry: )

Yeah, society doesn't really teach men about being affectionate. It's something I've been having a bit of an issue with, where I'm not sure what kind of a relationship I'll be able to build. Not exactly sure what advice to offer you, but to just know that you're not alone.

Oh, and that gay relationship book I mentioned:
Gay Relationships: How to Find Them, How to Improve Them, How to Make Them Last by Tina Tessina

[beckyg]

Sounds like a great book!

[TyraBanksIsFierce]

When i was first coming to terms with the whole "gay" thing i thought actually "loving" a guy was kinda weird and i could never do it..... but you get used to it, I sure did

[step49x]

Sounds like a great book!
It is. :) I got it at Barnes & Noble, and it's been pretty interesting to read. If you can't make it to the bookstore, and you'd like to do some reading, see if your local library has a GLBT section with some relationship books. If you don't want to be seen in public, try searching online.

In response to the original post, do realize that your relationship is going to be a lot different from your "traditional" straight one (heck, a lot of straight relationships don't fit the "traditional" relationship mold, either..). For instance, in your example, it sounded like you had the "worker" and the "home keeper." Most likely, though, both of you will be working.

If you're new to the whole idea of gay relationships, try giving it some time to grow on you, like lahan suggested. If you've spent your life planning on living "happily ever after" with someone of the opposite sex, it might take a little time to really accept that that ending isn't for you. I assure you, though, gay relationships can be (and are) just as fulfilling as straight ones. It might be a little more difficult to get kids, but there are numerous ways to do it (through adoption, having a surrogate mother (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surrogacy), etc.).

[Anonymous]

Amazon sell it http://www.amazon.co.uk/Gay-Relationships-Find-Them-Improve/dp/0874775663/

[Gamer am I]

I had the same problem with being unable to see myself in a relationship. It gets easier with time. As you ease your way into the "gay lifestyle" of being honest with yourself and others, it will seem completely natural.

[Kenko]

I'm pretty much the complete opposite. I'm more interested in emotional aspects. I wish I had someone to share your "coming home from the office" scenario. Yet at this point in time I have absolutely no interest in anal sex.

[Jim1454]

In response to the original post...

I was so caught up in what society expected that I did just that - I got married and had two kids, a dog, a house in the burbs, etc. No white picket fence, but we did have a Volvo station wagon...

I'd say that having been married for 9 years to a woman, and now having a relationship with a man, it's practically the same! My bf and I interact pretty much the same way my wife and I would interact - only now it somehow feels right for me.

I have to admit that it still feels weird some times when we're snuggling on the couch or hugging each other (or staring into each other's eyes across the pillows... :icon_wink ). You stop and think "hey, wait a minute... I'm snuggled up with another man!" but then you carry on and think "well, just cuz some people have a problem with this doesn't make it wrong. The fact that I'm happy makes it very right."

So as someone else has already said here, just give it time.