No hope

[Anonymous]

I don't usually complain about my problems to people, i find it annoying for myself to do so, but i am in need of some advice. Sry if this is a little long, but i have no one else to tell this to. thanks in advance.
last year i was well in the closet and i was happy. I was just fine with people not knowing, and having being gay ruin my friendships, since 90% of my friends are straight guys. soon though, my emotions ran wild in the course of nature, and i began to really like this guy i did not know that much. I liked him so much i would even come out for him. Before i could do that though, i guess he caught on to me liking him. He was straight and didn't like me.
Instead of him just forgetting it never happened, he told all his friends (they are in a different grade than i am) and spreading rumors of me. The one i hear most often is a "gay stalker," even though i never stalked him. just because me, a gay guy, likes a straight guy, makes me automatically a stalker? anyways, i was sure it would reach my friends in no time.
Unfortunately, that was the least of my problems. soon after that my body began to change. I began to have diarrhea every day, insane stomach pains, blood came out when i went to the bathroom, i was extremely fatigued, i had numerous nightmares, i was feeling really depressed, and i felt like i was getting weaker everyday. I thought maybe this was due to my diet, or some other bizarre reasons not worth mentioning.
At this same time the restaurant i was working at was falling to pieces. People would call off all the time, there would never ever be sufficient supplies to continue business, all my managers were incompetent (also gay, which convinced me to dislike many gay men), and we would get slammed every day i worked and there would be never enough people to help out. people would complain all the time that we are not fast enough, that we suck, or that they have been waiting for a long time to be waited on, but sadly i worked as hard as i could. the only reason i did not quit or anything was because i did not want to screw over anyone else who was working there as i had been. this stressed me out a lot.
All of that occurred around December/January, but soon came march and the new track season. Although those symptoms i mentioned earlier were getting worse, i felt that things may get better. I even soon began to like someone in track, but i could not talk to him with my straight best friend by my side the whole time(since he did not know i was gay yet). i wanted to have a bf, but he was. . .in the way. so i kinda prayed that for some reason he would quit track. Unfortunately, i got my wish (Damn me for what is about to happen!). His mother died. . .(F**k ME!) She had been sick with cancer for a long time, and she really wasn't supposed to be alive( she passed her expiration date by two years), but i felt like the worst person on the planet at that time.
better yet, my closest friends started up a band, and they became really popular in our area. they became so popular, that they forgot all about me and others they would usually hang out with. they became jerks, and i lost at least a third of my best friends through that. This band then separated the remaining friends left in my group of friends. they all began to find new clicks, new friends, and i now was left almost friendless.
so now, my body is falling out of control, work was hell, my best friend's mother died(i hope not because of me), i lost almost all of my closest friends, and i thought maybe all of this was happening because God was punishing me for being gay.
thank you if you have read this far.

track continued, I WAS the best hurdler in my school, but my coach replaced me with this seven foot giant who could easily walk over the hurdles. So my coach ignored me and lost interest, while it also became harder for me to do track because i had then developed anal fissures and the other symptoms i had became worse. The guy i mentioned earlier i liked in track found a bf, so i just quit, not seeing any reason to be in track anymore.
things progressively got worse, but i did see a doctor after four months of torture. i was then diagnosed with an IBD (Inflammatory Bowl disease(crohn's disease)). The doctor then proscribed me with some drugs to get better.

I had fought all summer and fall to combat this disease, and i have finally made progress. symptoms were of the past, and i have found a medicine that actually worked without having to go into surgery. Unfortunately, My hair has begun to fall out at a rapid pas. I thought it may have been the stress of being in the closet, so i came out to the few friends i had left. they did not take it well, and so they kinda ignore me now. My hair still continues to fall out, after i relieved that stress, so i began to think it is the medicine i am currently taking. Although the med says it may cause hair loss, my doctor says "no, i have never seen this before, and that it may only be stress."
I know it is the medicine causing my hair loss, and i am temped to stop taking it. But if i do that then my disease will resurface. Idk what to do. I want to ask this guy out, but who would want to go out with someone who is losing their hair at age 18 and suffers from crohn's disease (which prevents any form of anal sex(fissures)).
I am tempted to do drugs, i like the smell of car exaust and bleach, but i have never gotten high off it yet:help: . I don't want to ruin my life with drugs, but i also do not want my hair to be gone or my disease to come back. IDK what to do any more! it seems i have lost all hope in life, and i see little left to live for. Please help me!

[Latinokid]

Wow I'm sorry man =(. But you did mention surgery in you post is it possible to have surgery to cure the disease or loose the symptoms with it and not have to take the medication which would stop the hair loss? Maybe you should ask your doctor for different alternatives for treating the symptoms you have and something that wont cause your hair to fall out. And as for the guy, go for it maybe he likes you and you don't know also he could be some good support for you. And anal sex isn't everything in a relationship also. Good luck =]

And hope you get better =].(*hug*)

[Anonymous]

Surgery only prolongs the disease for a few years until i have to go through it again. it would be a vicious cycle for the rest of my life. My doctor is also unwilling to change my medication, since he thinks it is not causing hair loss.

Thanks for reading. :)

[Latinokid]

Np. Will tell your doctor i have no other stress involved in my life (unless you do, if so get rid of it) and tell him it is the medicine and that it even says it may cause hair loss. Are you on a healthy diet?

[Anonymous]

because of the disease, i am forced to a healthy diet. And there is one other medicine before surgery called Remicade, but it causes huge side effects and may cause my hair to fall out too.

I mean, i thought of shaving my hair to raise money to contribute to a fund, but i would not look good bald at all. (I had banged my head in third grade, and there is a small indent there.)

[Latinokid]

Well one option can always be surgery. And who knows....maybe you doo look good bald ya never know. You can PM me also or on AIM/MSN if u wana talk more like..faster messages

[Anonymous]

You can PM me also or on AIM/MSN if u wana talk more like..faster messages

Thanks for your concern and support, but i really do not like complaining about my problems and stuff a lot. Thank you though(*hug*)

[Anonymous]

wow, im sorry you have to go through that....first thing i want to say is that your friends mother's death is NOT your fault! second, those friends you mentioned earlier about the whole band thing, guess what? they're not your friends, cuz real friends would not have done that; so dont stress yourself out over them...and about your health issues, i kinda sorta know what you mean, cuz i have stomach pains all the time, even though i dont have any anal problems, but i can relate to the stomach problems, thats why im on prescription, but you really need to talk to your doctor about the whole hair loss thing, he obviously doesnt realize how serious this is to you, and if he still doesnt listen, switch to a doctor that actually cares!----i'm sorry i cant be much help, you can PM me anytime, i dont mind, i like listening to people's problems lol :)

[chrisbrgstrm]

So youre situation made me cry, i'm so sorry you have had to deal with all of this stress you do not deserve it and it is not your fault. I know this won't help your hair loss situation at all but for me personally losing my hair would not be my concern if the disease was painful and could get worse....i love wearing hats and your hair is not gone wearing a hat can cover any bald spot you may get. You need to tell your friends about your condition if there that fucked up to treat you badly after being your friend for however long and when you need a friend them not be there is not right. Also never keep your problems bottled up anyway you can get them out you need to whether it's a close friend, a teacher, a counselor, you parents whatever, you will add very unnessacary stress and it will only worsen your condition, even if you have to talk to us here at EC we are great listeners and love to help people in any way. Also go for it ask that boy out you never know untill you try i'm sure your cute and you seem like a genuinley humble and sweet guy anything going on in your live could only let someone love you more not less, anyway i really want to just give you a giant hug(*hug*) I have went through alot of stress in my life and have dealt with it nothing as worse as yours probably but you can overcome this never lose hope and enjoy life, you can always make new friends dont worry about those losers that left you.... and confront your track coach about this if you are that good he won't let you quit.

[Anonymous]

Gosh life really is hard for you at the moment. I am not a doctor but have you thought about getting a second opinion, many of the symptoms you have mentioned are also found in 'Irritable bowel syndrom' this, as I said is very similar to Inflamatory bowel system but is however stress induced and God knows you have things to be stressed about.

I suffered from thyroid problems some years ago and the medication made my hair fall out , I started taking vitamin B6 suppliments and after only a few months there was great improvement. Maybe you could ask your doctor about this. It may sound silly, but if there really isn't a solution for your hair loss, there are plenty of very good wigs on the market. Loads of medications or illnesses make you lose your hair so wigs have come right down in price and are very realistic... I looked into this when I was ill.

Have you thought about therapy, you say you don't like banging on about your problems but keeping them to yourself is not healthy physically or psychologically. A therapist is there to help you, you pay him to do it, you are not putting on a friend or boring people by moaning on, you are paying someone to help you heal. You seem to have an awfull lot to put up with what with your shitty friends (maybe you need to redefine your meaning for the word friend coz people who ditch you coz you're gay aren't friends!) your health problems, work, disgruntled clients and from the sounds of it self esteem problems.

Even if you do have Inflamatory bowel syndrome' and not Irritable bowel syndrome managing your stress better will help the symptoms so that you can reduce your dosage of medication. Crohns desease is one you will have all your life, Irritable bowel syndrome will only flare up when you are unhappy or stressed so I think it could be good for you to know for sure. My father in law was diagnosed with Crohns desease and infact he had abdominal adhesions around his intestines!

No one can sort themselves out all by themselves, everyone needs help from time to time. Just think about it anyway. :kiss: