Is my brother gay?

[Anonymous]

I personaly dont mind showing my own face, but I may have said my brother's name, and I dont want you to know who he is, since it's own busness. However, I think he may be in the closet. Now, I dont want to force him out, becuse first, thats wrong, and second, I might be wrong. However, should I help him subconciously? Like, mention some gay support groups he can go to without anyone else knowing (like ec)? I really want to help him, so any advice would be very helpfule for my little brother (he's a freshman age).

[Bryan]

First of all, thanks for helping your brother (he is really lucky to have you). You may want to suggest that you don't mind homosexuality, in a kinda gentle, non-suggesting way (i.e.: mention how cool your gay friend is). But don't go suggesting websites and support groups, because it may make him feel very uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

^ I agree with Bryan. Showing him support groups and such is a nice idea, but if he's as closeted as you think, that might make him extremely uncomfortable. He's also at an age where a lot of emotions and hormones are kicking in, which may be why he seems so conflicted (if that's what you're saying). Plus, the key thing here is that you think he might be gay. There might be a chance that he isn't. I've had that happen to me a couple of times so I know from experience lol. :icon_redf Anyway, if you want to pursue your suspicions, try doing what Bryan suggested and mention things that might spark a reaction out of him.

Hope everything works out. (*hug*)

[Anonymous]

Just say in front of him that if any of your family or friends were gay, you would be okay with it.

[Anonymous]

I say leave him be he's a freshman....i don't realize why everyone want's to come out so early anyway i was happy i waited till after i graduated it all worked greatly

[Anonymous]

heh. i think my little freshmen brother is gay, too.

i'm not gonna bring it up though bc if he really is, it is obvious he isn't ready for people to know

[joeyconnick]

Definitely let him know in some general generic way that you are okay with gay people! That is not something people frequently do, even if they are totally okay with them. So definitely be explicit about that--but don't hound him about it... (Day 1: I'm fine with the gays... Day 2: Gays are cool... Day 3: The gays are da bomb... Day 4: 2, 4, 6, 8... being gay is really great... etc.)

Maybe I'm weird this way, but I actually would have appreciated someone asking me if I were gay (in a serious, non-joking way). I probably would have denied it but maybe it would have gotten me thinking of it as a serious option a little sooner than at age nearly 20. Of course, I'm relatively non-standard as far as people go... but what I guess I'm getting at is that so much of growing up involves presenting possibilities but we don't generally realise how much of growing up involves having certain possibilities TOTALLY shut out, and so it's pretty rare (still, I'm guessing) that anyone seriously says to teenagers or children: "Hey you might end up being gay... and that's fine." The assumption, ever-present, is that everyone will turn out straight, and that's one of the most insidious aspects of heterosexism, because the implicit statement in that assumption is that turning out non-straight is a "bad thing™".

[Anonymous]

He's still so young. I would say wait until he comes out to you. Once he does you can give him all the support you can. He's still a kid. Let him enjoy the little bit of childhood he has left. :icon_wink

[Anonymous]

This is from the person who started the form.

He knows i'm Bi myself, so I think he's sure that I'm ok with gay. ...but you all raise good points. thank you, all of you.

[jocr92]

please dont recommend websites, i most definately wouldnt want to hear that
dont use slang terms and insult and that kind of stuff b/c if he is, you dont want to hurt him. please please ask him when he is alone and when you feel you have built enough trust and faith in him. dont pester him and if he laughs, repeat your question again and if hes not, there's no shame in asking.