Umm This is Kind of Awkward...

[Anonymous]

But yeah, so I hate my sexuality a lot. And a lot of people have told me I should go to a therapist. But I'm like why, just because I'm gay doesn't mean I HAVE to like it. Plus I figured I would get advice here before I go to a therapist. Plus I don't want to make my mom worried about me ><. So anyone's thoughts on this are welcome.

[Jerr]

You should learn to accept your sexuality and learn to like it... it will be easier.

Not everyone loves the fact they are gay. We have a few threads that ask if you would change.

I still would.


I'm fine with how I am now but I wouldn't mind not being the one clause in my parent's "love you no matter what" contract.




So sum it up.

I'd change if I could... but sense that is an impossibility I am fine with being homogay and I'm learning to get around with it in the south. Also... just because you are homogay... doesn't mean you won't find love and be just as happy as a heterosexual couple.

[SkyTears]

That really is just like me. I don't like being gay one bit (sorry people, lol) but I know that I'm gay and there is really nothing I can do but live with it. My parent suggested that I go see someone (just to make sure I was okay and not depressed because it runs in my family) but I told them I was okay.

[Anonymous]

That really is just like me. I don't like being gay one bit (sorry people, lol) but I know that I'm gay and there is really nothing I can do but live with it. My parent suggested that I go see someone (just to make sure I was okay and not depressed because it runs in my family) but I told them I was okay.

Yeah exactly. Everyone's like you should learn to like it, but I'm like where is it written that I have to like it?

[Anonymous]

Alot of people are not 100% happy there gay....that's why there is a closet to hide in till your ready to accept it and learn to like it.....

[Anonymous]

But that's the thing, I do accept it. It's not like I'm hoping it will change because I know it won't, and I'm not denying that I'm gay either. I just hate that I am.

[Anonymous]

you need to think deeply and passionatley about it why you hate it, then you need to come up with reasons why you are pressured to hate it and erase those untill you have reasons just you think, no stigma from parents or adults or what friends say just you

[Anonymous]

You don't have to like being gay but it does rather imply that you haven't fully accepted it and it is a negative point in your life that you just have to put up with.

A therapist will help you question yourself as to why you don't like your sexuality. A decent therapist will not try to make you change your mind either about your sexuality or why you don't like it but he will get you to see it in another light so that it doesn't trouble you so much.

If you said to your mum that you were feeling a bit low/confused/unhappy whatever and would like to see a therapist although she might ask you some akward questions at first you just need to tell her that she really doesn't need to worry, you are fine but just feel the need of a bit of help through a difficult time in your life. Does she know you are gay? If she does it will be all the easier for you to explain why you want a bit of help.

[Anonymous]

People saying "LEARN TO LIKE IT" are just as bad as those who say "LEARN TO NOT BE GAY" - because seriously if it was that easy..... then anyone could do it.

No, no, no.... YOU SEEM FINE TO ME PERSONALLY. You can realize that you are gay, although you don't 'like' it.... that sounds about right to me, try finding any gay guy who DIDN'T go through that thinking at least once. SO you're at the point when you have to deal with it in some way.

What is it exactly that you don't like?

Possible choices
You fear others perspective of you will change?
You don't want to be labeled by others in a negative stereotype?
You don't want to dissapoint your family?
You don't generally like society's gay culture?
You want to live what general society calls a "normal" life?

You really do need to look inside and see what it is you don't like about it. Often it's not whether YOU AT YOUR INNERMOST will dissaprove, it's what society/family/others will think about you that makes you internalize your fear.

Hypothetical question: If you took all the associations of a "DOCTOR" - prestigious, important, highly valued, respected, equated to succesfulness and switched it with "HOMOSEXUAL" - different, dissapointment, fear, failure, scary, unsuccessful - which would you want to be associated with?

Now that's looking at it from a general view of society in which Doctor's are seen as those descriptives and Homosexuals are usually associated with the other descriptions. So in the end is it "Homosexuality" that you are uncomfortable with, or is it society's general view of it?

[Anonymous]

People saying "LEARN TO LIKE IT" are just as bad as those who say "LEARN TO NOT BE GAY" - because seriously if it was that easy..... then anyone could do it.

No, no, no.... YOU SEEM FINE TO ME PERSONALLY. You can realize that you are gay, although you don't 'like' it.... that sounds about right to me, try finding any gay guy who DIDN'T go through that thinking at least once. SO you're at the point when you have to deal with it in some way.

What is it exactly that you don't like?

Possible choices
You fear others perspective of you will change?
You don't want to be labeled by others in a negative stereotype?
You don't want to dissapoint your family?
You don't generally like society's gay culture?
You want to live what general society calls a "normal" life?

You really do need to look inside and see what it is you don't like about it. Often it's not whether YOU AT YOUR INNERMOST will dissaprove, it's what society/family/others will think about you that makes you internalize your fear.

Hypothetical question: If you took all the associations of a "DOCTOR" - prestigious, important, highly valued, respected, equated to succesfulness and switched it with "HOMOSEXUAL" - different, dissapointment, fear, failure, scary, unsuccessful - which would you want to be associated with?

Now that's looking at it from a general view of society in which Doctor's are seen as those descriptives and Homosexuals are usually associated with the other descriptions. So in the end is it "Homosexuality" that you are uncomfortable with, or is it society's general view of it?


Darn I forgot to unclick the "Make Post Anonymously."

[boy0boy]

Okay third time is a charm. (SO SORRY BTW)

[Jim1454]

Why bother 'liking' being gay?!? Even though you know you're gay and know you're not going to change?

Isn't that sort of like going through life not liking your skin colour or the size of your feet? Why go through life disliking something so fundamental about yourself? It can't possibly be good for your self esteem.

It's like saying "Damn, I really hate breathing." I'd think it would be easier to figure out why you hated breathing and dealing with it (as others here have suggested) than to go through your entire life doing (being) something that you dislike.

However, also as mentioned above, I think it's something that you'll work through in your own time at your own speed. Most of us have had to learn to like it. Because if you don't, it's a pretty lousey life you'll be living.

[Anonymous]

Actually I'm kinda curious why someone would hate their orientation. Is it because most of us is born with the expectation of being straight?

Another question...how many straight people out there hate being straight?

I don't know if this helps but I'm with ya...I'm not crazy about being a lez but I'm coming to accept it...and maybe I'll come to love it.

[Hollywood]

Actually I'm kinda curious why someone would hate their orientation. Is it because most of us is born with the expectation of being straight?

Another question...how many straight people out there hate being straight?

I don't know if this helps but I'm with ya...I'm not crazy about being a lez but I'm coming to accept it...and maybe I'll come to love it.

I mean, I think it's obvious why someone wouldn't like being something not socially acceptable...and I think it all depends on your own personal situation as to how you feel about it.

[Anonymous]

Well that's the thing, my family is fine with it they think it's ok and are really supportive. But it's me who has the problem with it. Ever since I first figured out I was I had a problem with it. I'm not sure why, probably because I feel second rate or something because of it.
And it's like my mood with it goes in cycles. Some days I really really dislike it, other days I kind of tolerate it contemptuously. My dislike for it isn't so severe that it's interfering with me living my life (thankfully) but for some reason I'm just resistant to it.

[joeyconnick]

Well that's the thing, my family is fine with it they think it's ok and are really supportive. But it's me who has the problem with it. Ever since I first figured out I was I had a problem with it. I'm not sure why, probably because I feel second rate or something because of it.
And it's like my mood with it goes in cycles. Some days I really really dislike it, other days I kind of tolerate it contemptuously. My dislike for it isn't so severe that it's interfering with me living my life (thankfully) but for some reason I'm just resistant to it.Basically what Jim1454 said... of course you don't have to like it, but ultimately that means you don't really like yourself, and that's... well it sounds like a good recipe for having a sucky life.

So I think when people are like, "You should learn to accept it or love it," what they really mean is you should learn to accept and love yourself.

Or they could mean you should learn to adore feather boas. But somehow I'm thinking no. :lol:

It's not like being gay is like being a murderer (although I'm sure a few people would try to convince you otherwise). Some people will consider you second class, sure... but what people consider is not really representative (or doesn't have to be) of reality. Saying you feel like you're second class means you accept homophobic or at least heterosexist arguments at face value. And yeah, you can if you want, but frankly I prefer looking for ways to feel good about myself, not reasons to think I'm a fuck-up. And unless you went out of your way to be(come) gay, why should you be made to feel second class? And even if you DID work really hard to be gay, why is being gay a bad thing?