How I gained and lost a boyfriend...

[Gerry]

First off, I'm new to this and it's only my second thread but I really like this site so far, just thought to mention that.

Ok. This started when I (and him) were in high school. He's 2 years my junior and I had a crush on him for the longest time (you have to keep in mind I live in a small, conservative town). I finally met him and got to know him some and then started something with -- we'll call him Mr. X -- Soon after that I became romantically involved with him and I thought things were going great. At the time he was young and immature and the relationship just wasn't going anywhere so we split. We remained friends and talked once in a while then about a half a year ago we got back together to give it another shot. Things were going ok and I was glad to be back with Mr. X. During all this time, he was what I guess you can call a fundamentalist christian so you have to remember that his religion is a huge part of who he is.

He's the typical christian guy who attends church and even participates in his youth group. Apparently some time while he was at youth group he was introduced to a young lady whom he started "liking". The entire time while we were together he wanted to keep the relationship secret out of fear from other people. Eventually he told his parents, who took it better than I expected considering his religion. They thought it was a "phase" and didn't think anything of it. He then started "going out" with this girl and me at the same time, soon after we split again. His parents were thrilled because they thought they were right about his whole "phase". His reasoning for going out with this girl was that he felt sorry for her and didn't want to decline, I don't buy it. We remained friends and I occasionally hung out with him on a friends level or gave him a ride to school.

He has been with this girl now for about 6 months now and it bothers me that he's with her considering I was there first and I had so many closer, intimate connections with him. I see no longer hang out with him and see him occasionally at the local grocery store where he works and just exchange a casual "hi". This whole situation upsets me because I gave my all with him and tried to get him to come out to other people which he was so afraid of. It seems all that was entirely pointless and a huge waste of my time. What did I do wrong for him to do this to me? All I wanted was a meaningful relationship with him and ended up on a wild roller coaster ride.

Q: Should I just leave things be or try to get my old boyfriend back?
Should I have handled things differently when he got a girlfriend and maybe things would've worked out? :help:

Your replies to this is greatly appreciated... thank you for reading my long rant.

[Louise]

Let him go. You cannot get him back, he has made his choice for whatever reasons. Apparently the feelings you had for him were stronger than his for you. If you are happy and contented in a relationship you don't need to look elsewhere.

There is nothing you could have done in the past to change things. If he feels attraction to this girl anything you might have said or done wouldn't have changed anything, eventually your friend would have gone off with this girlfriend.

Don't beat yourself up, accept it for what it was, remember the good times you had together, this was not a waste of time or effort on your part, this was part of life. This boy was maybe not ready for the sort of relationship you were looking for.

All experiences, however painful, are always positive because you grow and learn by them but you do need to know when to let go and turn the page. :kiss:

[Gerry]

Thank you for your post, Louise. You are absolutely right and I should completely forget about him and move on with my life. I appreciate your comment. :icon_wink

[beckyg]

You don't have to completely forget about him. The relationships most important to us aren't that easily forgetable. I would say wish him well. Be friendly when you see him but move on with your life.

Now.....I have to comment on this. Las Vegas a "small conservative town?"

[Alexander]

He probably lives in a suburb or border town.

[Gerry]

Thanks for the comments. Yeah, I live in a small town outside of Las Vegas. Didn't mean to be confusing. Lol. Thanks for the advice. Much appreciated.

[Zwanmania]

I would leave things be if I were you. You might not know the whole story. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt on this one and maybe look for love elsewhere. If he really is gay he'll probably come back to you.

[Alexander]

So I was going to edit my last post, but it won't let me....

I don't think you should pursue a further relationship with him. Being on occasional speaking terms with him should be all you should expect from him, since he's hiding in the closet again. If you had interfered when he got a girlfriend, you probably would have pushed him away further than he is now from you. Don't beat yourself up about anything, because there's nothing you could have done then, and there's nothing you can do now, other than be a friend.

(&&&)

[BabyBoy]

Wow, what a story. Do what you feel is right. I personally wouldn't even talk this dude unless I was really really honestly truly in LOVE with him. If you don't truly love him, let him go. Drop his ass. Because he is wroooong for leaving you for a random girl he met.

Look at it this way. My first boyfriend took my virginity, then cheated on me three times in three weeks with his ex boyfriend, then broke up with me over Myspace, AND, I'm pretty sure he told people about us, even though I'm still in the closet and he knows that my life is basically all about that right now. Consider yourself lucky. lol

Seriously, just follow your heart, not your mind for this one, babe.

[Astaroth]

:eek: BabyBoy, that sucks! You seem to be taking it better than I would be!

As for Gharrelson's questions...

I would say that you need to move on as well. Mr X decided to slip back into the closet. I'm not going to pass judgment on him for that. Lord knows, most all of us have used the closet as a shield at least once when things got dicey. But it seems to me that you're looking for a more open relationship than something discreet and taboo-feeling. Hopefully you find a real man.

And if Mr X comes back, give him a rain check. :icon_bigg

[Gerry]

Thanks for the advice everyone. It's greatly appreciated. :icon_wink