Anal Sex -- I cannot make feel pleasurable

[new18]

Hi I am going to be 18 next month. My question is concerning - Anal Sex- I have been having issues with how it feels.
Some of the things that are wrong is when I "experiment" it feels very uncomfortable and does not feel like pleasure.

I am very nervous because the guy that I have been talking to we might start getting "physically intimate" he is 22 years older then me and I want to lose my virginity to a guy this time.

When the "Time" comes it will probably be in a few weeks or so, I want to feel good and special.

Does anal sex really feel dis-comforting and only a SELECTIVE number of people enjoy it? Whenever I insert my "finger or two" into my anus with a lot of lubrication it does not feel good at all when inside my ass. (When I move my fingers in n' out, it does not feel good inside) I know that I am doing it right, but It feels like I am taking a horrible dump, and I feel way too full. :(

Does anal sex truly feel this uncomfortable, I am getting very frustrated. The guy is 40 years old, I am sure he will help me out with this issue.

I really want to have anal sex, but I am afraid..I do not want to stick to only women.
Anal sex is something that I really really want. I consider myself a bottom from all the gay porn I've seen,

[Alexander]

It does NOT feel bad after you spend some serious time practicing. You just have to get into it and try different things. Just keep experimenting and you'll do fine. Bottoming is actually easier once you get the hang of it.

[EthanS]

Hes 40? :P .. cool

[mcrteenagers]

Well. From experience, don't expect it to be great the first time, or even the second or third for that matter. It takes time.

The main thing is you have to be comfortable. Not physically, more emotionally, and from your post, I get the vibe that the whole idea is worrying to you. If you don't feel completely ready, don't do it.

I'd also suggest, wait until you find someone that you love ;)

Cheers, and we're here to help!

[KatoKumi]

Eh, you don't HAVE to like it. It doesn't make you a virgin forever, either, you know? I mean, there are differences. Lesbians don't need a boy-part inside them to consider themselves not-virgins.

From the times I felt it, the first few were pretty bad, but I got used to it, you know? But I know people who are gay that don't like the "sex" of it. They just like the emotional aspect to having a same-gender partner.

And now I'm talking too much.
Good luck!

[new18]

Lol he is 40! The age gap.. its not too weird is it? He IS older then my parents. Lol

Thank you for all your help.
Its just the thing. I WANT TO LIKE IT, but I am afraid..it will end in a disaster. what if I am not cut out for gay sex? What if my body just responds good to females, but not males!!
Eh.

I wish I could be like those guys in the gay porn movies where the TOP is thrusting really hard and it feels/looks good. (Since I am/going to be the bottom)

What about "NUMBING" CREAMS???????????????

[deeNIreland]

i am gay, and i HATE anal sex... i don't even like a finger up there! I find it sssooo uncomfortable that I couldn't bring myself to do it again. Once was enough for me. And I don't want to like it. But different strokes for different folk and all that!

just make sure ur comfortable and trust the person is all i can say. i think the more relaxed u are with them, the more smoothly things will go :)

[new18]

i am gay, and i HATE anal sex... i don't even like a finger up there! I find it sssooo uncomfortable that I couldn't bring myself to do it again. Once was enough for me. And I don't want to like it. But different strokes for different folk and all that!

just make sure ur comfortable and trust the person is all i can say. i think the more relaxed u are with them, the more smoothly things will go :)


THANK YOU for your opinion!! I respect it, its just when I read stuff like "Anal sex shouldn't hurt or anal sex feels good" blah blah blah!! -- At least I can hear a real point of view of someone who can understand it LOL

I think I would be one those people that will never "Enjoy" anal sex, but will do it anyway because the whole idea of getting "done" in the anus really excites me!!

I think Anal Sex in terms of pleasure feels pretty much the same for everyone. It just depends how you interpret that pleasure - Mentally.


I just wish it would not feel so dis-comforting, can a cup full of lubricant help release the pain? Perhaps more lubrication is needed so the muscles do not rub or contract???

[deeNIreland]

lol, i dont know if it feels the same for everyone... cos i sure didnt like it, and i have a high pain threshold... martial arts and gymnastics doesnt allow u to feel pain! haha! i think, and this might sound gross, that asides from the pain... i felt like i was gonna crap myself.. and its not a nice feeling!

though i am glad that u found my opinion valuable. i dont think lubricant will relieve the pain... just let it slide in and out with more ease. ive read (yes read, never put into practice) that the more u do it, the easier it becomes. but ill take their word for it! i just find it PAINFUL! hope u get something sorted tho dude!

[new18]

lol, i dont know if it feels the same for everyone... cos i sure didnt like it, and i have a high pain threshold... martial arts and gymnastics doesnt allow u to feel pain! haha! i think, and this might sound gross, that asides from the pain... i felt like i was gonna crap myself.. and its not a nice feeling!

though i am glad that u found my opinion valuable. i dont think lubricant will relieve the pain... just let it slide in and out with more ease. ive read (yes read, never put into practice) that the more u do it, the easier it becomes. but ill take their word for it! i just find it PAINFUL! hope u get something sorted tho dude!

Thanks so much. Did you seriously do Gymnastics??? Because so Did I. I used to be able to the middle splits for 2 days of my whole gymnastic career when I was extra flexible, but now.. cannot. LOL
I am pretty lean and I used to be able to do a Back Bend VERY WELL, and Still can do it simply . (I call it Arch Bridge)

SO thinking if you are flexible your muscles should be flexible EVERYWHERE.


It feels like I want to crap myself, and I cannot tell the difference if I did!! How embarrasing!! During anal intercourse it feels like your taking a shit, what if you did...OMG......

[panda]

There's info on anal sex in Health and Well Being.

I question the 22 year gap.Are you sure this is the one? Make sure ..

[otc877]

There's info on anal sex in Health and Well Being.

I question the 22 year gap.Are you sure this is the one? Make sure ..


I agree, you say that you're not even 18 yet. I hope he's not trying to use you as some young piece of ass and better yet he gets to pop your cherry? Something comes to mind... statutory rape

I hope you can trust him and make sure to use protection. I think it's safe to assume that he's no virgin.

[acorn7]

There's info on anal sex in Health and Well Being.

I question the 22 year gap.Are you sure this is the one? Make sure ..


I agree, you say that you're not even 18 yet. I hope he's not trying to use you as some young piece of ass and better yet he gets to pop your cherry? Something comes to mind... statutory rape

I hope you can trust him and make sure to use protection. I think it's safe to assume that he's no virgin.
I'd agree with you two... you know him better than we do, but just make sure it's really what you want.

[Nicvcer]

Give that older guy a big high five from me, damn is he lucky!
Make sure he's wearing a condom. It can be tempting to have a bare manshaft in you but it most definitely not worth the risk. Having an STD can stop your sex life completely, simply because of the guilt you will feel that you might pass it on. A lot of STDs remain dormant and don't have signs or symptoms for months or years, so him having an imperfection-free Johnson means nothing. If he won;t do it without a condom then don't do it...

As for your anal problems, it is true, perhaps you will never like it... but if you're determined to get railed by this guy then I have a suggestion from my experience when I bought my first dildo.
It was too big and just hurt, providing almost no pleasure, so I decided to backtrack a bit.
After a few weeks I was ready for it and it was amazing. I rarely use it anymore though, as I have become quite attached to the smooth gliding test tubes :)

Go buy some stuff at walmart or something that has a size you're comfortable with and can smooth glide, just be wary of the material. Then go to Joe Blows XXX store and get a big one if you feel you are ready.

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y165/nicvcer/private/showcase.jpg

Above is shown the progress you can make, from left to right.
I don't use the 3 on the left, they are just examples.

I hope this helps.

[new18]

THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE WONDERFUl ADVICE. And I think over every single post here.
The critique is all so great. :)

Info: with the older guy. I am 17 he is 39. So yes a 22 year difference. He has been with 25 guys in his lifetime. (He told me) I met him on-line. I still haven't seen him in person, but he showed me his myspace and I talked to him on the phone.
(I've been talking to him for about 2 weeks now) He seems like a very nice person over the phone and REALLY wants to meet me.





What are your opinions about the age gap, what are your straightforward opinions about the age difference? He does want to have sex WITHOUT a condom, that is what he told me. And he does want to go "ALL the WAY" if you know what I mean.

I am a virgin, never had sexual intercourse through the anus, so I am 100% sure I am clean. (Been with my GF, but we where always careful)
Should I let him, go INTO my body w/o a condom? Isn't the TOP usually more at risk for STD's then the bottom? He does want cu* into my anus that is what I meant with "All the way"

Should I just take a chance? I've heard it is harder to get an STD if you are the "bottom"

[chrisbrgstrm]

I'm sorry i just get the feeling your doing it wrong....are you really just shoving your fingers in? it should be a very slow process i mean tediously slow espeacially getting ready for it...start with a pinky get it in just a little bit untill you dont feel as tightness then try moving it a little....later try bigger fingers then two fingers, then even a small item does not have to be a toy just not sharp and can insert easilly enough with lube.... i mean you can watch videos and read about how to make anal sex pleasurable to....but my honest opinion dont have sex yet if it's that painful you need to wait untill it's not so painful with your fingers because it will hurt even worse when its a penis going in.... also the fact he has been with 25 guys and wants to do without a condom when he knows its your first time worries me..... how long have you talked to him.....

[new18]

I'm sorry i just get the feeling your doing it wrong....are you really just shoving your fingers in? it should be a very slow process i mean tediously slow espeacially getting ready for it...start with a pinky get it in just a little bit untill you dont feel as tightness then try moving it a little....later try bigger fingers then two fingers, then even a small item does not have to be a toy just not sharp and can insert easilly enough with lube.... i mean you can watch videos and read about how to make anal sex pleasurable to....but my honest opinion dont have sex yet if it's that painful you need to wait untill it's not so painful with your fingers because it will hurt even worse when its a penis going in.... also the fact he has been with 25 guys and wants to do without a condom when he knows its your first time worries me..... how long have you talked to him.....

WEll really I started talking to him about two weeks ago. At first he messaged me over another website in November. (It basically said I was 17 and on my profile that I was bisexual and was attracted to older guys) I said hi to him, but then we stopped talking. (So I guess I've known him for two months now?)

Two weeks ago he sended me many messages, so we just started talking again. I gave him my number, he called me and said he really wants to meet me.

[Arioch8688]

The whole situation doesn't sound good to me. The age gap's big, it's true, but you've never even met him in person? That's kind of...not a good idea at all. I mean, I don't necessarily know the whole situation, but it sounds a bit fishy. It makes me worry.

And everyone in sex is at risk for STDs, top or bottom. If you don't know this guy, DEFINITELY make him use a condom. If he won't, it's really not worth the risk. 25 guys gives him plenty of opportunities to have gotten an STD that he could give to you. And then he wants to not use a condom? That definitely worries me.

It kind of sounds like you're rushing into things, if you ask me. I personally would advise you to just wait a little longer, you know, find the right guy. Who you know in person. And can trust 100%. But that's just my opinion.

[new18]

The whole situation doesn't sound good to me. The age gap's big, it's true, but you've never even met him in person? That's kind of...not a good idea at all. I mean, I don't necessarily know the whole situation, but it sounds a bit fishy. It makes me worry.

And everyone in sex is at risk for STDs, top or bottom. If you don't know this guy, DEFINITELY make him use a condom. If he won't, it's really not worth the risk. 25 guys gives him plenty of opportunities to have gotten an STD that he could give to you. And then he wants to not use a condom? That definitely worries me.

It kind of sounds like you're rushing into things, if you ask me. I personally would advise you to just wait a little longer, you know, find the right guy. Who you know in person. And can trust 100%. But that's just my opinion.

Your opinion has a lot of merit, Maybe I am just naive? I have always been headstrong and had an opinionated mentality. I really want to have sex, but ugh this is so confusing. I am freaking 17 years old, going to be 18 next month and have not even kissed a guy yet.


You guys are allowed to make judgments of this and I WANT YOU TO!!, I just want to get to know my sexuality better, and I am tired of waiting.

Losing your virginity to a guy is different then losing to a girl. Does this sound strange? He did tell me he loves really young guys, and I guess I fit his criteria? I've asked him how many younger guys has he been with, he did not tell me.

I sended pictures of my face (and a body shot) to him, And thats when said he was really attracted to me ,, That is when he started asking for my phone number, saying he wants to meet me in person ,When I talked to him on the phone he seemed nice, He had a soothing,calm voice.

[Nicvcer]

Well heres your wakeup call. Forget this older guy. He wants to *um inside of you without a condom... This man obviously doesn't care about you or your future, forget him. FORGET HIM. Don't feel obligated to do anything he says, and I would recommend blocking him.

When I was younger and naive I had unprotected sex. No *umming into the bum mind you, but unprotected nonetheless. From only 2 people I picked up the STD HPV (human papillomavirus). Mind you this std doesn't harm me but it can harm women IE cervical cancer. It also comes with annoying warts that I have to use a cream for ><. When I had my first boyfriend I was so afraid of spreading it to him that we never actually had sex, even though we both wanted to. I got my first few warts about 6 months to 2 years from contact, luckily I hadn't had sex with anyone else and spread it along. There is no cure for HPV and no one knows when it goes away or if it'll ever go away for some people. I was very very lucky that I didn't get HIV too, just tested negative a few days ago. Imagine where I would be at that point...

Theres plenty of people out there just like you, you just need to find them. Honestly I think the internet is fine for meeting people, though I prefer to do it in person. I wouldn't mind getting a few PMs on here, though that's not why I'm here so I'm not going to pursue that.

Also I wouldn't recommend bridging over 10 years from your age.
Why is it that you're into older guys, might I ask?

[new18]

Why is it that you're into older guys, might I ask?

Honestly I do not why I am attracted to older guys.

When I was 15 I started talking to this 47 year old who wanted to meet me, so I sended him some (Nude pics) I never met him though, all though he really wanted to.

I like older men because of the vibe. I find the whole "older" thing "The forbidden fruit" type of feeling.
Like it is very unorthodox, kind of perverse that a 17 year is wanting to have contact with a 39 year old man. He IS older then my parents.


Here is why i might be attracted to much older guys

I had many guys friends when younger. All though there was some horrible harassment going on, lets just say one of my best friends used to call me from a restricted phone number and call him me horrible names, When I found out it was him. I started cutting myself for a while and abusing oxycodone, (That is why i am only friends with girls now) I used to be kind of overweight too and have fallen to an eating disorder and have dropped a lot of my weight due to an ED,
THAT IS WHEN, I started viewing a different type of gay porn. Older buffer men having sex with skinny/slender twinks. I guess sexually wise since I have smaller frame ,,older guys appreciate that more, Then guys my age. It is a confidence issue.

I feel that guys my age would not appreciate me or my emotions.



This guy lives (Oregon I think) and he wants to really meet me, He said I fit his "Criteria" whatever that means.

[Nicvcer]

This guy lives (Oregon I think) and he wants to really meet me, He said I fit his "Criteria" whatever that means.

You match the criteria of "Twink" my favorite kind, and his too.

While society as a whole would scoff at you for trying to hook up with an older guy, that isn't important. If this is a sexual fetish of yours then go ahead and pursue it. You'll be making some older gay men VERY happy. This guy though I feel very strongly that you forget that you ever met him. There are LOTS of older men willing to have sex with younger boys. The only difference is that they care enough to wear condoms. AND YOU SHOULD TOO!!! Getting an STD now will give you nothing but regret, you will look back at losing your virginity and wish you had worn a condom or he had. I do all the time... Mind you it was a delicious experience, but the regret lingers and reminds me every time I look at my crotch...

Don't let your friend's actions determine your sex life. There are a lot of messed up people out there but there are also people who care very much for others like myself. If I had someone to call my own I would give him/her the world and I wouldn't look back. Your old friend probably looks back on his actions and feels guilt for it, now that he probably has some gay/bi/les friends, if not now he will in the future - or maybe he will never understand gays and that will be his loss.

Good luck with whatever you choose... I can only hope that you DON'T go through with what this man is proposing...

[otc877]

This may seem harsh, but I feel it's necessary.

COME ON!!! This guy is 22 years older than you, OLDER than your parents! I cannot believe you would even consider sex with him. He admits to being with 25 people, and you say he doesn't want to use a condom with you, so I'm assuming he didn't use a condom with them. So, that's 25 chances of him contracting an STD, and that's 25 chances too many.

DO NOT SEE HIM!

I seriously think he is a borderline predator, he met you online, he knows you're 17 and he insists on having unprotected sex with a minor? That show's you a lot about his morals. He doesn't care about you, you're a piece of ass to him, a young one at that. If I were you, I would go as far to report him to the local police. To be perfectly honest the whole age gap/unprotected sex/met online utterly disgusts me.

As for the bottom having a lesser chance of infection... FALSE. Especially if you're 'going all the way.' Think about it, he 'deposits' his potentially infected sperm into your VIRGIN anus, which has a greater chance to tear being a virgin. The greater chance of tearing, the greater chance that his infected juices gets into your blood stream.

Please do not let him take advantage of you, I promise you, you'll regret it.

[otc877]

Why is it that you're into older guys, might I ask?

Honestly I do not why I am attracted to older guys.

When I was 15 I started talking to this 47 year old who wanted to meet me, so I sended him some (Nude pics) I never met him though, all though he really wanted to.

I like older men because of the vibe. I find the whole "older" thing "The forbidden fruit" type of feeling.
Like it is very unorthodox, kind of perverse that a 17 year is wanting to have contact with a 39 year old man. He IS older then my parents.


Here is why i might be attracted to much older guys

I had many guys friends when younger. All though there was some horrible harassment going on, lets just say one of my best friends used to call me from a restricted phone number and call him me horrible names, When I found out it was him. I started cutting myself for a while and abusing oxycodone, (That is why i am only friends with girls now) I used to be kind of overweight too and have fallen to an eating disorder and have dropped a lot of my weight due to an ED,
THAT IS WHEN, I started viewing a different type of gay porn. Older buffer men having sex with skinny/slender twinks. I guess sexually wise since I have smaller frame ,,older guys appreciate that more, Then guys my age. It is a confidence issue.

I feel that guys my age would not appreciate me or my emotions.



This guy lives (Oregon I think) and he wants to really meet me, He said I fit his "Criteria" whatever that means.

Quite the opposite. This older guy, in my opinion, will not appreciate you or your emotions.

[Nicvcer]

DO NOT SEE HIM!



You asked for our advice now please listen to us! I'm really sorry it isn't the advice you were looking for but there are no ifs ands or buts about it!

[Louise]

Listen to what everyone here has already told you DO NOT SEE THIS GUY. He has no love and respect for you, he is just excited by the thought of screwing a young virgin.

As for anal sex feeling uncomfortable when you put your fingers in, this is quite normal because you are not in a highly excited state of mind for starters, you are contorting yourself in impossible positions in order to put your fingers in and also you need to get used to the feeling of something in your bottom before you start to move your fingers around.

There are some very good, small anal vibrators on the market, with plenty of lubrication you insert it in your anus already vibrating (for ease of turning the damn thing on) insert it very gently little by little and then lie back, relax and let the vibrations do their thing. I think you will find this VERY different from inserting your fingers. Often anal vibrators have a little bent bit at the end which vibrates on the prostate gland which is very pleasurable and will cancel out any discomfort of the anal muscle.

The more highly excited you are the more your brain releases endorphins, endorphins heighten pleasure and attenuate pain. If you are with a man who knows what he is doing and is there to give YOU pleasure (his will come another day if needs be) he will know how to get you into the right frame of mind, right state of excitation and only do what feels good to you (quite possibly stopping before he is finished in order not to hurt you) then you can always do other things.

A man who is only out for his own pleasure, like the older guy you have mentioned, will take his pleasure where he can and never mind the pain and discomfort for you and quite possibly ruin what should be a caring lovingin experience which will lead you to fully enjoying anal sex in the future. As for being excited by gay porn where the top is quite vigourous, you will just have to build up to this. As your muscles get used to being used in this way if will be much less painful (even enjoyable) and your partner can become more vigourous in his thrusting.

Just take things gently with a loving caring partner and see how things go just NOT with this guy! Don't rush into anything, find a guy you really like and who really likes you before jumping straight in to the anal penetration side of the relationship, there are lots of fun things to do before then which will lead you up to the stage where you are ready for penetration, and again your first time with a guy he doesn't have to penetrate you with his penis, just see how things go and play it by ear.

Good luck

[chrisbrgstrm]

Where are you located you don't have to say town or city just like i can't imagine you can't meet someone around you somewhere to get the fullfillment of a first time instead of rushing into this with aolder guy.

[Bromptonrocks]

You should listen to all the warnings.

It's clear to me that you want to have sex and this guy has shown you the interest that you're not getting from elsewhere - hence your attraction is blinding you to the obvious. In your haste to fulfill your desire, you're letting yourself "do it" with somebody who you shouldn't be doing it with!!

I can't believe you can't see that someone who won't use a condom doesn't give a f**k for your feelings. I believe he's using you and when he then dumps you, it's going to hurt you terribly. Forget this guy and take things easy. The right time, with the right person will come. Sorry to sound harsh but you wanted advice and you're getting similar advice from all of us of all ages. LISTEN TO US.

[tayana]

If you don't mind a female opinion . . .

First, I wouldn't see this guy. He doesn't want to use protection, has admitted to numerous sex partners. How do you know he hasn't lied about HIV status or that he's free of STD's? Even if you do see him, I would insist on you BOTH getting tested for STD's. I understand wanting to have sex, but at least be smart about it. Find someone who at least respects you enough to use a condom and be gentle with you. Find someone you aren't going to regret having your first time with, perhaps that you at least have feelings for.

Second, I don't think the age difference is a huge deal, IF he is truly interested in YOU and not just in getting some virgin ***. If he has real feelings for you, and he's interested in your opinions, dreams and thoughts, then it could be a good thing. If that's not the case, he only wants sex, and that's not a good thing.

Third, anal sex can be pleasurable, but you don't just shove anything up there. Try getting a small plug or dildo, if you can, something that has no chance of getting lost up there and take things SLOW, with lots of lube. That can at least get you used to the sensation, then you can try with someone who's going to RESPECT YOU.

Fourth, I have nothing against meeting people online, but not everyone is looking for a relationship. It doesn't sound like this guy is either. Is there no place else you could meet people, in person perhaps?

[new18]

HOW CAN YOU have a relationship with someone older then your parents? – That is a good point.
Not only do my parents not know about my sexuality, but nothing is better then saying.

"Mom, Dad! I just brought home a guy for a good time, he is older then you" -- IN my house, that would turnout well. :confused:

I guess to some older men having a "Young piece of ass and popping my cherry” is attractive, and that is something that is exotic to me… In a less derogatory sense.
I do want to have sex w/o a condom, to get the full feeling of it for my FIRST time with a man. All though the risks outweigh the benefits

WHAT IF I told him to get tested and he showed me the paperwork that he was clean, could we then have sex without protection?
I guess the age gap is kind of large, . I LOVE older guys, and for me the concept “Acquiring the foridden fruit” is appealing.
I feel at crossroads now, I should be careful. Condoms are a must then,
– all though he was at least honest with how many guys he’s been with. Is that admirable?

[JSG]

I do want to have sex w/o a condom, to get the full feeling of it for my FIRST time with a man. All though the risks outweigh the benefits

You def won't feel a difference as a bottom.
And yes, 20min of Nirvana aren't worth a whole life of illness.

[Paul_UK]

i am gay, and i HATE anal sex... i don't even like a finger up there! I find it sssooo uncomfortable that I couldn't bring myself to do it again. Once was enough for me. And I don't want to like it.

That's exactly how I feel too. I would much rather have it in my mouth than up my ass.

Should I just take a chance?

NO!

I've heard it is harder to get an STD if you are the "bottom"

No, it is easier to get an STD as a bottom. MUCH EASIER.

This may seem harsh, but I feel it's necessary.

COME ON!!! This guy is 22 years older than you, OLDER than your parents! I cannot believe you would even consider sex with him. He admits to being with 25 people, and you say he doesn't want to use a condom with you, so I'm assuming he didn't use a condom with them. So, that's 25 chances of him contracting an STD, and that's 25 chances too many.

DO NOT SEE HIM!

I seriously think he is a borderline predator, he met you online, he knows you're 17 and he insists on having unprotected sex with a minor? That show's you a lot about his morals.

Exactly.

He doesn't care about you, you're a piece of ass to him, a young one at that. If I were you, I would go as far to report him to the local police. To be perfectly honest the whole age gap/unprotected sex/met online utterly disgusts me.

Me too

As for the bottom having a lesser chance of infection... FALSE. Especially if you're 'going all the way.' Think about it, he 'deposits' his potentially infected sperm into your VIRGIN anus, which has a greater chance to tear being a virgin. The greater chance of tearing, the greater chance that his infected juices gets into your blood stream.

This is all true.

Listen to what everyone here has already told you DO NOT SEE THIS GUY. He has no love and respect for you, he is just excited by the thought of screwing a young virgin.

Exactly. He just wants to break a virgin. No matter what he may say now, he doesn't care for you. If he cared at all he would not be insisting on having sex without a condom.

I have seen this before, several times. Older guy comes on promising the world, makes you think this could be a real serious relationship, then has his way with you and you never hear from him again.

You have the hurt of being deceived and the fear of an STD or HIV. He lied about his intentions.... maybe he lied about his HIV status and previous partners too?

WHAT IF I told him to get tested and he showed me the paperwork that he was clean, could we then have sex without protection?

How do you know it's genuine? How do you know he hasn't had unsafe sex since then?

It takes up to 6 months for HIV to show on a test after it was contracted. How do you know he has had no sex with anyone in the last six months?

DO NOT SEE HIM!

[JayHew]

I think so many have weighed in on the subject. Do no see this fellow and if and when you have sexual contact, do not do so without protection. People can say whatever but it does not make it so. Don't expose yourself to a lifetime of discomfort and sorrow for one night of possible pleasure.

[Kovax14]

yeah, again, DONT DO IT

[new18]

Ok,, you guys have convinced me. I will not meet him, I feel that this might not turn out well.
There are guys who are my age and are attracted to me, all though I am never the type of person to make the first move.. EVER.

And when guys have talked to me I got scared and stop associating with them.. This is a self-esteem issue, I probably need to work out that out.

this has changed my view.

[Hollywood]

22 years of possible STDS - as everyone has said, be careful...

[new18]

22 years of possible STDS - as everyone has said, be careful...

If I did decide to meet him, there would be many restrictions on his part. Like taking it slow and wearing protection and NO oral sex (Because giving oral sex with condoms sounds kind of gross lol) -- But I doubt I would want to do it. I will wait it out for a couple of months, and if he does not give up on me then Ill consider him.

anyone know any good condom brands that they can SWEAR by?
Something interesting? I am a big fan of regular plain trojans.

[panda]

This is a BAD,BAD,BAD ,BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, IDEA.

Be Smart.The rest of your life with HIV is a long time.

[deeNIreland]

considering your initial question was about the anal sex thing, I answered that.

With more information that you have provided, I think, if I were you, I would take heed of the warnings - DO NOT MEET THIS GUY! I think it's very apparent that he doesn't care for you, your personal and physical wellbeing, nor what impact this will have on you psychologically - as you said, it will be your first time. Do you really want it to be with a man, 22years your senior, who wants to have unprotected sex with you (risky!!!)?? I think we both know where the logical answer is there.

So, in a final bid to help you reassure yourself that this is definitely not the road you wanna take, DON'T DO IT! I WOULDN'T!

and yes... In reply to your other question - I am a gymnast! well.. past tense...hamsting and L5 injuries prevent me from competing, but i still train.

[Nicvcer]

Ok,, you guys have convinced me. I will not meet him, I feel that this might not turn out well.
There are guys who are my age and are attracted to me, all though I am never the type of person to make the first move.. EVER.

And when guys have talked to me I got scared and stop associating with them.. This is a self-esteem issue, I probably need to work out that out.

this has changed my view.

I'm glad you came to this conclusion. We will be glad to help you with any problems you may be having. From what I've seen this is a very non-judgmental place. If you share your experiences with us I'm sure it'll help with self-esteem. Getting things off your chest will make you feel better.

Good luck to you!

[chrisbrgstrm]

To atleast share a somewhat similar veiw to your original thoughts i to almost met up with someone much older then me i was 18 he was 35 but the whole idea after i thought about sounded insane.....but i made it as far as the meeting place then turned around luckilly i found out he left a message for me saying we needed to reschedule i just never contacted him again....but he was very similar in loving the thought i was a virgin, and wanting to deflower me he never showed a true interest in getting to know me more so in saying how good looking i was and wanting to see more of me....creepy stuff.......i'm glad you have reconsidered meeting him please be safe and try to find someone closer to your age

[new18]

Ok, I started ignoring him. Because I do not have the courage to ever tell a person that I'm breaking off contact with them. (It may because I am too nice, and will do almost anything to please a person) :bang:

This happened yesterday.
1) He called me -- I ignored his phone call :rolleyes:
2) he called AGAIN -- and Ignored again :rolleyes:
3) he called again -- Ignored again -- I am thinking does he REALLY want to be with me THAT BAD? geez how desperate!!
4) he called the 4th time in ONE night -- I picked up the phone. :eusa_doh:

5) he started being very friendly, and I finally told him "Look I do not think it is a good idea for us to meet" :dry:
I will just say his name is Chris.


Me: Hi, listen I want tell you something. It may not be a good idea for us to meet each other. I'm sorry :tears:
Chris: Why not? I really want to meet you
Me: Look this is not going to workout, I cannot have sex my first time w/o condom, you just have to understand
Chris: I am always cautious with who I am with, I have never had an STD and go to the doctor regularly to check up. I can bring you my papers if you would like.
Me: ummmmmmmm I don't know,
Chris: I never want to pressure you to do anything that you do not want to do, If
Me: This isn't so much that I DON'T believe you, its just that when growing up we have always been pressured. Use Condoms, Use Condoms NO MATTER WHAT. So even if we are both clean, I think it is important to get accustomed to protection because you never know what might happen.
Chris: No, I understand.
Me: I mean I do want my first time to feel as "connected" as possible. So it might detract me, and I feel paranoid aftewards because they scare us at school. If you U have sex without condoms you get sick and die.:icon_sad: :rolleyes:

Then the conversation just went off-topic afterwards.
What do you guys think? :eusa_doh:


YES, After my first time. Ill feel guilty, sick. My family has very strong Christian values, and I am attracted to men and well as women. But something in my mind keeps going off. ITS WRONG to be with men, its WRONG TO BE WITH MEN. :***:

THAT is my issue. I am not worried about the SEX anymore. Its how I'll feel afterwards. My Christian values getting the best of me? I would really hate feeling that way. I doubt it will change wether I am 17 or 23 . :eek: :icon_redf

Besides I've kind of lost faith in God, but my freaking "principals" keep going off!! Perhaps I just need to take the risk and go for it? I doubt Ill do something bad.

Its just that I really want to experience life. I am in college and I have that mentality of experimenting.

[tayana]

I think there's two issues going on here.

One, I still don't think you should meet this guy. I know you're wanting to experiment, but aren't there other guys, closer to your age on campus that you could be "friends with benefits" with? They wouldn't be out for a piece of virgin tail. This guy sounds manipulative to me.

The other issue is that you don't feel comfortable with who you are, and no matter who you're with you're going to feel guilty. There's a number of gay Christian groups online. Gay Christian Network is one, but there are others. Is there a gay friendly church near your school that you could attend? I think you need to sort out these feelings before experimenting with anyone. You need to meet other people like you, so that you don't feel guilty about being with anyone, male or female. Does your school have something like a GSA or similar group? Maybe you could try that. You definitely need to meet other people and talk to them and grow comfortable with who you are and reconcile your beliefs.

[new18]

/\
/\

I do not really think I can consider myself Christian for a few reasons. I had sex before marriage with a girl. I cannot consider myself Christian because it adds to hypocrisy.

In the bible it says you cannot act on sexual impulses. Basically its not so much as "Wrong" with being homosexual, but acting on the homosexual impulses is wrong.

And the same with No-Sex Before marriage. That is stated pretty clearly there, you cannot be Christian and have sex on the side. That is hypocritical. And I do not want to add to the hypocrisy, because religion to a certain degree is beneficial.

The thing is that I am a closeted Bisexual. So I cannot talk to ANYONE about it. I would regret it..
reconcile your beliefs? It feels like I am too headstrong to do that. I feel that giving myself a True identity would just put more strain on who I really am. -- That is what I am, I would rather be a fake and change myself from the actual me. It only hurts me in the end. Because I will never find peace with myself. And If can accept that. Than .. thats all I can say.

Perhaps I am confused, but I think that its not so much with the "age" issue, I think I'll still feel this way even when I am 31 years old. It is a gradual process I think, something to get used to.

Uhh,, I am just raving my thoughts, I do not even know if I am correct in my philosophy or not. LOL

[Alexander]

You can ALWAYS be a christian moslem jew whatever, no matter what you do. Just because you think you did something bad doesn't determine that you are thrown out of your church.

and yeah, I think you're confused. Lay out all your beliefs and all your thoughts and discern what you need and want with life.

[Quitex]

Omg not religious issues again!!!!
I really understand you. I have all times - all day the thoughts: I am a sinner, I am gay so I am sinner (which is not true, but there is a part of myself that yells... IT IS TRUE!!!! gah freaking brains... Had to have 2 hemispheres) and drives me crazy. Now I have this group of teenagers that I work with and they look at me as their model to be since "I am very connected with God and I like to pray and do good stuff" - BULLSHIT (well almost) so hell of thoughts I have....
Dont stress out.
Dont ever attemt to commit suicide. I've tried it and you'll regret.
Dont ever feel lonely, because we're all with you *hug*

[Ty]

Wait... so how did a thread about anal sex turn into a religious discussion?

BACK TO SUBJECT!

[Paul_UK]

Although this started out as a discussion about anal sex, there are a number of other issues involved in new18's situation which have and are also being discussed here. Part of this is some religious issues.

Because the various issues are related it makes sense for it to all be covered in the one thread rather than trying to separate them to different threads.

As long as the discussion about these remains relevant to new18's situation then it is fine. What we DO NOT want is to go off onto a more general discussion.

This is new18's thread so it should remain focused on supporting and advising him.

[Quitex]

BACK TO SUBJECT!

Please ;)

Thanks :)

[new18]

Question:

The legal age of consent in Arizona is 18.


Even though I turn 18, in two weeks.
What if I had "sex" the day before I turned 18?

With a guy who was 22 years older then me?


so 17 vs. 39 -- is that considered statutory rape?

[beckyg]

Yep, you can wait a day. :)

[Paul_UK]

Question:

The legal age of consent in Arizona is 18.


Even though I turn 18, in two weeks.
What if I had "sex" the day before I turned 18?

With a guy who was 22 years older then me?


so 17 vs. 39 -- is that considered statutory rape?

I don't know whether it is statutory rape but it is certainly illegal. The 18 limit is a set boundary in law. The one day makes no difference to you as a person but the world of difference in the eyes of the law.

Does this mean you are still going ahead with this then? After all everyone has said here?

If so them that's your decision and you have to suffer the consequences.

I have said what I think and so have numerous other people. I'm not going to repeat myself. It seemed as though you saw sense too, for a while........

[tayana]

Even though I turn 18, in two weeks.
What if I had "sex" the day before I turned 18?

With a guy who was 22 years older then me?


so 17 vs. 39 -- is that considered statutory rape?

It's still illegal. Yes, it's statutory rape.

So, you're going through with this? If you do, I hope you don't regret your choice. ANd if you do, at least have the sense to make him use a condom.

[new18]

Okay basically here is what happened. I told him I cannot see him It is too dangerous, and Its not worth the risk. Plus its ILLEGAL and whether I am 18 or not. Its shunned upon, and something that can be judged by people. He is older then my parents. So its not good.
I think I am not ready, even If I am not ready by 21 years old, I do not care. One night of a good time, might emotinally make me feel bad.

I do want to do this, but its not going to be good for me emotionally.

SO NO I am not going to go through with this. .. Maybe in half a year if he still keeps contact with me I will consider him again.

But the age difference is a big gap. So No I will no do it.

[s5m1]

Here is the law on age of consent in Arizona:

13-1405. Sexual conduct with a minor; classifications

A. A person commits sexual conduct with a minor by intentionally or knowingly engaging in sexual intercourse or oral sexual contact with any person who is under eighteen years of age.

B. Sexual conduct with a minor who is under fifteen years of age is a class 2 felony and is punishable pursuant to section 13-604.01. Sexual conduct with a minor who is at least fifteen years of age is a class 6 felony. Sexual conduct with a minor who is at least fifteen years of age is a class 2 felony if the person is the minor's parent, stepparent, adoptive parent, legal guardian or foster parent and the convicted person is not eligible for suspension of sentence, probation, pardon or release from confinement on any basis except as specifically authorized by section 31-233, subsection A or B until the sentence imposed has been served or commuted.

[new18]

What happened was I did want to go through with it. The age gap did not bother so much, it was the "condom" issue, and that was debatable.

But when he offered to film us having sex, I suddenly said "HELL NO" and told him forget about me completely.

It felt like he had too much of a "pedophillia" thing going for him. He wants a very young guy, he WANTED to do it with me BEFORE my 18th Birthday. Without protection and wanted to film us doing it.

That is not something I agree on. Sure I prefer "older" guys, but for me age does not matter. Whether he is 27 or 47. But he only is attracted to 16-19 year olds. Not my type of thing. Its a sickness on his extent. NOT an attraction. I have seen Law & Order SVU, bunch of times and I suddenly got a case of that!!

[s5m1]

A wise choice. Your face (and other parts) would likely have been featured all over the web. This has actually been a great thread to remind all of us of the potential risks when we meet someone online.

[Paul_UK]

Wow, there are just so many warning signs in that post. I am so pleased you have seen the signs and realised what he is up to.

Your time will come. You will meet someone who does care about you. But this man is not that person.

[new18]

A wise choice. Your face (and other parts) would likely have been featured all over the web. This has actually been a great thread to remind all of us of the potential risks when we meet someone online.


EXACTLY --!! That would freak me out, how scary millions of people watching me. Yeah I could sue him, but then my life would be over. I am not going to risk it. There are too many things that are wrong with that.

No condoms, Sex tapes, ONLY liking very young guys. ?????????


(Understandable how Paris Hilton feels like)


I cannot believe If I went through with that how much my life could be at risk. freaky.

[Lane]

I think you have made the best, and really the only safe decision possible.

Regardless of the age difference between you, the intentions of the man you have been speaking with are clearly not good. Anyone who intentionally and willing attempts to engage in sexual acts with a person under the age of consent is just looking to fullfill his own agenda. He will not care for you in the way you want him to, period. Your emotional health would most likely suffer greatly after such an encounter.

I think given enough time there is bound to be someone closer to your age you will make a real connection with. And then you will finally get both of what you want and need, a fullfilling sexual experience and an emotional bond with your new partner. For these reasons waiting is very much worth it!

[panda]

I am so,so glad that you arrived at this decision.Good for you.:eusa_clap :eusa_clap

[Louise]

I am Soooo relieved that you made the right decision. I think that although you would like to experiment you still have issues that need to be resolved before you embark on this side of your adult life.

From what you say you need to work through your guilt problems before anything else. Making love with a loving partner before marriage is nothing to feel guilty about but, if you can't sort out these issues will, at this stage in your life, take all the fun out of something very natural, beautiful and loads of fun. Just having random sex for the fun of it will be very difficult for you to live with at the moment.

You might like to start a guilt thread here and see what people have to say about sex, religion, marriage etc. I know I have plenty to say on the subject! :lol:

[Bromptonrocks]

I'm glad you finally saw and understood all the warning signals. You WILL find the right person one day and when you do it'll have been worth the wait. Well done.

[Suede7]

New18,

Goodmorning! Not much more to add here. You'll find that most of us will share similar thoughts with you.
I want to support and encourage you to take on the wisdom shared by NICVCER. He's "on -point". This is exactly the same advice most of us would give you. Bottom line........it's time you look out for you.
When meeting others......especially older guys at your age, put yourself always in a safe place. A position of "power" where you're not left to be "open an vulnerable" this is key. When making plans do it with a group and perhaps encourage the same from the guy you're going to meet.
You will have far greater success meeting others that are more relatable. Sorry......the "Daddy / Boy " relationship might work later but you need to get some mileage on your "gay card" first!!
Simply put........thousands of young guys & gals end up hurting for years because of lecherous & hungry veterans who selfishly exploit their youth for their own pleasure.
Trust me ............not something you sound like you deserve.
Think long and hard regarding the advice NICVCER has sharred. Life is short.........play hard with the "right team". You'll live long & be happier for it!

Stay Strong & Press On!! :icon_wink

Suede7
Delray Beach, FL

[Nicvcer]

Thanks for the support Seude! It's good to know you guys are watching my actions even though I've only been here like a week now. This was my first chance on here to really help someone, even though I joined this site to help myself. I honestly think I did influence his decision, and that means a lot to me. This particular thread made it way easier for me to lend my advice to others while realizing that I don't need to be pushy or one-sided. Hopefully we will be seeing much more of new18!
Thanks again for your support
Dan

[Bromptonrocks]

Yeah...well done Nicvcer!!

[crystaltriforce]

The whole situation doesn't sound good to me. The age gap's big, it's true, but you've never even met him in person? That's kind of...not a good idea at all. I mean, I don't necessarily know the whole situation, but it sounds a bit fishy. It makes me worry.

And everyone in sex is at risk for STDs, top or bottom. If you don't know this guy, DEFINITELY make him use a condom. If he won't, it's really not worth the risk. 25 guys gives him plenty of opportunities to have gotten an STD that he could give to you. And then he wants to not use a condom? That definitely worries me.

It kind of sounds like you're rushing into things, if you ask me. I personally would advise you to just wait a little longer, you know, find the right guy. Who you know in person. And can trust 100%. But that's just my opinion.

Your opinion has a lot of merit, Maybe I am just naive? I have always been headstrong and had an opinionated mentality. I really want to have sex, but ugh this is so confusing. I am freaking 17 years old, going to be 18 next month and have not even kissed a guy yet.


You guys are allowed to make judgments of this and I WANT YOU TO!!, I just want to get to know my sexuality better, and I am tired of waiting.

Losing your virginity to a guy is different then losing to a girl. Does this sound strange? He did tell me he loves really young guys, and I guess I fit his criteria? I've asked him how many younger guys has he been with, he did not tell me.

I sended pictures of my face (and a body shot) to him, And thats when said he was really attracted to me ,, That is when he started asking for my phone number, saying he wants to meet me in person ,When I talked to him on the phone he seemed nice, He had a soothing,calm voice.

he sounds like a ephebophile to me.

[Pendrin2020]

Listen kid, you made a damned good decision. I did exactly what you were gonna do, about ten times before I came to my senses. At that point, the inside of my head was a living hell. A total and complete living hell.

ANY MIDDLE-AGED MAN WHO WILL SLEEP WITH SOMEONE WHO IS TWENTY YEARS HIS JUNIOR IS DANGEROUS. LEGAL AGE OR NOT.

I have had stalkers, I have had men try to force me into their homes, I have been used to the point of wanting to die. And the worst part was that I walked right up and asked them to.

Dude, I understand that you are gonna do what you think is right, but please, take it from someone who literally destroyed himself by age 19. Someone who at 18 had a vaguely promising future. I DESTROYED MYSELF IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE FASHION WITH EXCEPTION TO DEATH BY AGE 19.
Please, take it from me.

Find help. Don't see the horrible shit I saw. Don't almost die. Find help. Don't stop until you do.

[ElizabethAnne]

Hey New,
I'd be really really cautious about doing it with this guy! I understand wanting to lose your virginity, and being frustrated about the lack of sex in your life, but really, having sex with this guy w/o a condom is so dangerous! Where I live, 1/5 gay men have HIV, and that means, that if the stats hold where you live too, there's a 1 in 5 chance this guy can infect you and the one-time sex isn't worth it! And... that's not even counting the other STD's that you could get!

I'd wait until you find somebody who respects your body!

Best of luck,
Liz.

[ElizabethAnne]

Eeep sorry about my above reply ^, I just read the first page, and didn't realize that a decision had already been made.

Good job, mate! You definitely made the right decision!