Dealing with depression

[VomAnderenUfer]

I had the "I just don't like guys" epiphany a couple months ago and I *think* I finally have myself figured out. That calls for a dancing banana: (!)

So I'm the type who's prone to vicious crushes that last for years (I say vicious because they're generally unrequited, and that's not fun for years). Right now I have really strong feelings for this woman who advises me in my studies here in Germany. I guess she's in her late twenties (I'm 20). I think she's straight, although I have no reason really for believing either way.

I hate hiding my feelings. Now that I understand them, I hate just ignoring them and letting them pass by, because I always have the feeling like life in general is happening and I'm taking no part. I act really strange around her, and I wish I could just say: Ok, this is why. I wish I could be honest with her, but I'm afraid she'd think I was a total creep. I get really depressed about it sometimes and wish that I could just will my emotions away.

I'd really like to know her better, but I don't know how to go about it. So, although half of my reason for posting is just telling SOMEONE how I feel, I guess my question is, should I just let it pass? She is older, and probably straight to top it off (it is a statistical probability, after all). Anybody have any tips for how to get over such feelings?

[Vampyrecat]

Well, first off, welcome to EC. Please be sure to ask anything you like here. You'll always find an answer from the community here, we try to be as supportive as we can to everybody.

okay, your feelings.
I think maybe you should try to talk to her about her life first, get to know her, where she's been, her friends. Then, if she responds in kind, asking you questions, then there is absolutely no reason not to tell her you're lesbian.
In fact if you tell her you're a lesbian, you don't have to tell her you like her. You can gauge her reaction first, see if she might like you back. Then after a little while, confess your feelings for her only if you feel you're ready to.
It might be that by the time you've gotten to know her, you're not as crushed on her anymore. You might not have feelings for her at all in that department.

If you need anymore advice, feel free to pm me anytime. I'll do my best to reply promptly.
(*hug*) wish you luck and love. :)

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

i've found that the best way to get over painful crushes is to give in to it as much as you need for a while. so let yourself fantasise as much as you want. after a while, you'll hopefully start to see her bad points again and your feelings will fade. :)

but as for coming out to her, i would agree with vampyrecat. if she takes it badly, either she's not worth your affection, or she's in denial about herself. there's no other reason why she should react badly to you just coming out to her. mutual affections are harder to predict, but, good luck! :D and welcome to EC! (*hug*)

[pirateninja]

Aaah, vicious crushes. Terrible things if they're unrequited. And mostly they are.

All I can say is I think everyone's felt like this at some point. You can either go with the notion "I want things to carry on as they are" or go with "It'll be a risk, but it'll be worth telling the truth". I can't make that desision for you, you have to decide which one will make you most happy. Weigh up the pros and cons. If you decide to tell her then make sure you know what you want to get across to her and if she takes it the wrong way even then, she's not worth it.

Honestly, I went with the first answer for ages and just left things as they were before actually telling her. She wasn't too freaked by it, we're still friends, and I hope that you are able to be in the same position if that is what you choose. Good luck!