Having a rough time sorta

[katmando]

I know this is not an OCD board, but everyone here is pretty supportive, and while I do have underline issues as well. My OCD has been bothering me quite a bit and it usually is around gay themes.

While my relationship on Steve ended on good terms, he once said that his roommates were surprised because I didn't seem very gay. At first I took this as a compliment, but later thought about it and wonder what may people see gay in me. My biggest worry is my voice sounding effeminate) & maybe some manniersms etc.

I guess I am struggling, because even though I am gay I really do not think I want to be known as a gay man. Again the fear of someone seeing me as gay goes back to be having an effeminate/ or stero typically gay voice. I am new meds and sometimes they take a little while to kick in :bang:

I just can't get this obsession out of my head, and for the last 14 years it plays on im my head all day long. I guess I am taking steps in getting better, but I worry there is no promise the obsession about my voice will go away. My fear is my whole like will be be one big torture with this thought.



Thanks for the quick vent.
Justin :(

[panda]

Justin I just Googled "Voice Training" on the internet .There's loads of options if you want to change the way you sound.
From what I've read of your journey you've made incredible progress.
This could be one more step on the road to becoming who you really are...:thumbsup:

[TriBi]

I don't see why anyone would want to change to fit someone elses idea of a "gay stereotpye".

Gay people come in all sorts, shapes, sizes, likes and dislikes. You are what you are - just be happy with that - if there is nothing wrong with you as a person, why do you have to make yourself different because someone else "doesn't think you seem gay"?

[katmando]

Thanks for the reply. I dont think I really want to change the way my voice sounds.

I think what I have to keep learning to deal with my sexuality, work on issues with my therapist and hope that some of the medication takes the edge off.

I just get a little frustrated that the same thought/obsession keeps bothering me.

Thanks

[panda]

Just an Idea...:shrug:

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

i get the same thoughts/obsession bugging me for years too... makes me think i'm going mad lol.

hopefully if you can become more comfortable with your sexuality, the worries about whether people see you as "stereotypically gay" or not will fade away, because the most important thing is you being happy as yourself :) sometimes peripheral concerns like that can become really important in your head and mask the underlying problem, ie lack of confidence in your sexuality. but try to stay positive and you will get through it end the end. and we're all here to help you work through things!

[ccdd]

I suffer a little from OCD too - both in terms of routines and having unwanted intruding obsessions - the way I deal with it is to separate the act of being obsessed from the thing being thought about. That is, I see them as separate, and I try and belittle the intrusive thoughts by seeing them for what they are: the symptom of a disorder, rather than actual problems I can actually fix. I used to take these thoughts very seriously, but once I realised what they were - and that actually what they were not to do with was what they were about - I began to be able to not get so upset by them. I'm not sure whether this is your situation exactly or not, but if I can see that something is caused by my general OCD then I try really hard not to fret about it - although the nature of OCD makes that difficult!! But I hope things get better. :)

[katmando]

I guess I am posting this out of my own sort of guilt. I am having troubles struggling with my voice obsessions and every once in awhile I sometimes take a sleeping pill during the day to get through the day so I do not have to think(and just sleep)

I am in therapy, take meds, have worked and struggled. The sleeping medication has never been a problem for me(which I take at night), but once in a while when the thoughts are so instrusive I really do not know what else to do. I still feel guilty taking the sleeping pill during the day because I feel like I am cheating the day away(or cheating myself of the day)

I have OCD, but I still think I am dealing with a lot of *shame* when it comes to being gay(even though I should not)

Justin