Coming out the 87124872 time--the hardest.

[KatoKumi]

Well at least it is for me. I connect a lot with my Grandma, and she's visiting here from the Philippines. It's been such a long time. Every time I talk to her, she's the reason I believe that I'm actually believe I'm part of this family. But there's always a really tough feeling that feels like it's pressing my heart and lungs in when it comes to love and her telling me about starting a family.

Honestly, I thought my family already discussed my sexuality; I seriously thought that it was over and done with and we never had to speak of it again. But now, I'm seriously afraid of disclosing my sexuality and other things regarding to her. Because if I lose her, I lose basically all the connection I have with my family, and then I know that I'll probably never speak to them after I grow older; which is always in the back of my mind.

And I don't really know much about how she feels about it. Because she's a devoted Christian and all, but she hints at me that she doesn't believe everything in the Bible, [and neither do I]. Or at least I perceive it differently.

It's seriously getting hard to talk to her. We were talking last night, and I was already ready to cry because all these emotions were piling up on top of me.

And I don't even know anymore. I think this is gonna be the death of me. Sorry if this doesn't leave much room for advice, but I don't talk to many people about my sexuality because they don't normally understand. Because most of my friends are hetero, and there's pain behind this that no one can get unless you've experienced it first-hand, you know?

Anyway, thanks for reading, if you did.

X__x.

[ccdd]

You sound as though you've decided to talk to her about it even though you're afraid it'll damage your relationship - is this correct? If you do decide to discuss it with her, I really hope it goes well. It sounds as though you've been talking to her a lot, but not about this - I know this can be really hard, I've been there too - where the other person feels as though you are having a close conversation and that you are confiding in them when really you're holding back. Is this a correct assessment? I haven't really any advice other than that you know whether or not it's best to talk to her about it - and I wish you the best of luck if you do. I know that an awful lot of us fear relationships changing when we come out - but hopefully, she won't be too religious about it, and she will realise that actually, you are exactly same as before. Good luck!

[beckyg]

Your grandmother suggesting to you that she doesn't believe everything in the Bible, may be a hint that she already knows. My guess is she's going to be just fine with it. Sometimes older people are more willing to accept than young ones!

[Ilayis]

do you know what parts she doesn't believe?
Ask her and see what she doesn't believe,maybe she doesn't believe that it only can be a man and a woman.

[KatoKumi]

Well, we were talking about the verse where "Women shouldn't have dominion over men," and she said that she thinks it's stupid. And she discussed with me that that's why there are so many religions; because people like to pick and choose and all.

As for the moment, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't wanna talk about the relationships I've had with boys. I don't really talk about that with my family. Most of them aren't comfortable enough to speak normally about it. We were all sent to Christian school. :/

Part of me believes she's gonna love me no matter what, but the other part thinks she's just like all the other ones. They think that it's something that's changeable, and that it's not natural or whatever. I'm scared to find out which one she is.

:/

[Gerry]

Your grandmother suggesting to you that she doesn't believe everything in the Bible, may be a hint that she already knows. My guess is she's going to be just fine with it. Sometimes older people are more willing to accept than young ones!

I definately agree with Becky. There are a lot of older people that accept things a lot better (maybe because they're more mature) than the younger ones do. She might have a feeling about it. I think you should go for it. Good luck. :thumbsup:

[Sam]

Well I can't say one way or the other because I'm going through the same thing and I know I'm too chicken to tell my grandma, who is also christian but believes every single little word in the bible is true and should be lived by.

You know what on second thought I say DO IT! Because if you don't then you will regret not telling her and eventually you'll run out of opportunities and wish you had told her and it would be better to tell her in person than over the phone or by letter, at least this way is more personal. Good luck!

[Luroon]

Indeed, the older generation has usually gained the wisdom over the years that it's whatever makes you happy. Obviously upon coming out to someone you don't have to discuss your boyfriends or anything; that might be stretching the envelope of the first conversation a bit too far. When you feel the time is right to have the discussion, it'll come naturally.