Regreting Life

[BayBoy707]

To start off I want to say Hi...This is my first post, I am 16 years old of Chinese and Italian decent. I found this site from JUB, but I am underage (and they caught me) so now I'm here.

Saturday will be a day I will never forget. The day my parents found out I'm bi/gay. I come from a strict traditional Chinese family. By traditional I mean that you name means everything in the family and it should not be tarnished. I was born and raised in Beijing China and moved to San Francisco California a few years back. Recently (sat.) I came out to my parents. They had found porn (gay) my computer before, but I told them it was just a phase. So on saturday I was tired of lying and all these "bottled up" emotions, I finally told them that I was bi. My parents reaction was hurrendous. (sp?) My parents basically disowned me. If it wasn't for true friends I would be on the streets right now. After I told them, both my parents started yelling at me (in chinese) how I have discraced them and how I cannot be accpeted in society because of it. I was slapped by my mother (ultimate disrespect in chinese culture) and almost got in a fight with my father, they kicked me out with nothing but a cell phone, laptop, wallet and my car keys. I got a phone call from my parents yesturday asking where I was and when they figured out I was safe, they hung up. Right now is a very emotional time for me after being discraced by my family, recently I have been crying myself to sleep over this matter, thats how much this has effected me. I have been through many bad times with my parents with Marijuana and steroid use, but nothing has compared to this. I guess I'm not looking for sympathy, but to just air my emotions at this time...

Love to all,
Ross

[tired_of_lying411]

wow, thats quite a story. I cannot believe that a parent could disown their child. For me, a personal situation would ALWAYS be more important than culture.

I can't really offer any advice, but I will say that I'm really sorry that your parents have reacted this way and Im glad you are safe.

Hopefully things will get better.

Stay strong,
Brenton

[Sam]

I dont have any advice for you all I can say is that I'm sorry your parents had to react like that. seeing as they made sure you were safe maybe they will come around and learn to at least deal with it and let you come back home. stay strong you are not alone. good luck
Samantha

[Proud1p4]

Well in an attempt to be the first one to try and take a chance at giving some advice, all i can really tell you is that you have to recognize what you're going through right now is their problem not yours.

You have your own set of problems, for example:

Dealing and coming to terms with your sexuality
Regain self-confidence and self-security
Finding a place to stay and to keep yourself happy and healthy

Your parents problems which they have to work out themeselves and you have to teach yourself to not care:

Cope with their childs true self or risk losing his love
Re-evaluate their personal values
Learn that culture over family is a shitty stance to have

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As hard as it is, you could have to emotionally disown your birth-parents as nothing more than the people who gave you life. It takes more than DNA to make a Mother and a Father. If they have disowned you for something so small as bi/homosexuality, than they don't deserve a child.

You have two options in my opinion (i could be wrong):

1-Attempt to make contact with your parents and possibly aid them in coming to terms with your sexuality. (risks your mental health even more, attempt only if you know you can deal with either reply)

2-Find a good friend and start a new family, i dont mean have sex with them or anything just recognize them as a sister/brother and create a new life and forget what your parents think...if they work their shit out and get over it and accept you back into their arms, ok thats cool but if they dont...than who needs them.

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Bottom line, its not the end of the world, there's so many other hidden paths that you can take here. I know happiness seems unreachable right now, but regret is always the one who makes us most blind. Stay strong, you will get through this.

[Proud1p4]

I hope i didnt just give the shittiest advice ever. I hope you understood most of that.

[nisomer]

Hey man,

I am 100% Chinese, and believe me, I know what you mean when you say traditional. The fact that they called you to make sure you were safe means something--they still care. I'd say just give it some time for them to soak it in. Try not to call them for a while, (maybe a week or two), and if they still haven't contacted you, call them within those 1-2 weeks. It might even take a little longer, maybe a month. I have a feeling that they still love you inside, but they are struggling with whether to follow their traditional values, or their own personal ones.

Good luck.

[zbgirl]

hey just hang in there your parents moved you to amarica right so they could handle that culture shock. if they can handle living in america as opposed to china they can handle you being bi as opposed to gay. they did move you into a more accepting culture so why cant they be more accepting too

[Proud1p4]

I think i agree with what zb said? lol. But yeah i think since they moved to america, it's going to be hard to be so reserved with traditional values, you never know, their might have to adapt to americas culture in order to survive. My only worry is that America isnt the most pro-bi/homosexuality country in the world lol.

Only time will tell what will happen, for now, just try and make the best of what you got.

[suburbs_of_sodom]

I guess look at it more that they moved to San Francisco, which many call the gay capital of the world, so that is bound to have some cultural effect on them. Hang in there, they'll come around.

[BaciListClostridium]

Stay strong, Ross. I think nk's right on: give it time and take the fact that they called you as a good sign. It seems like you've got some solid friends who are taking care of you during this especially difficult time, so take heart in them too.

Good luck. We're pulling for you.