I'm out to almost everyone, except for my family. My parents know, and my sister was the first person I ever came out to, but no relatives outside the extended family know. I always thought I'd keep it from them. It's come to mind for a bit of a weird reason - my aunt's just sent me a Facebook friends request. My profile says "Interested in: Women" and I'm part of a few queer groups, and have a couple of Flair badges that are queer-related, so she'll be able to tell from my profile very easily that I'm gay. My relatives are all good people and I've always liked them, but they're also mostly fairly religious and 'm not sure how they'll feel about it. I don't want to be cut off from them, even though I don't see them a lot, I do love them. I think my options are to just deny the friend request, change my profile before accepting, or just accept and see what happens. Thoughts?
You might want to change it before accepting and then send her a message telling her that you're gay. I had a similar problem on myspace, a few people didn't know, so, instead of letting my profile tell them, I wrote them a little message and came out to them. Then I changed my profile back.
Not all religious people are closed minded about homosexuality. Your aunt obviously wants to talk to you so in your shoes I would accept the invitation and see where it goes. Your homosexuality is not something you can hide for ever because eventually you will be living as a couple with your g/f and the extended family will find out then be hurt that you kept this from them.
Even though your aunt is religious, in all likelihood she will still accept you for who you are. If you feel that you are not ready for her to know yet change your profile and accept the friend request. You can always come out to her at a later point. If you have doubts about how she might react, you could always enlist your parents' and/or sister's support when you feel that you are ready to come out to her.
Well you can't reject the friend request, it's not fair on your aunt. Give it a bit of time, talk to your sister and your parents and maybe get their advice if it's safe to come out to your aunt. It might be a good idea for you to come out to her before accepting the request, as it might be confusing for her when she sees the stuff on your facebook page. She will find out eventually, all you can do is ask for advice from your family on how best to tell her Good luck
I kind of have a similar situation. I am out to most of my close friends. I'm not out to my family at all. My sister is friends with me on Facebook and Myspace... she can't keep a secret if her life depends on it, and neither can my mom, so I know if my sister found out my entire family would find out pretty quickly too. I'm not ready for that step yet, so I personally have who I am interested in hidden and if a friend that knows sends me a gay rights or any other pro-gay themed flair on Facebook I don't put it on my board. I know it sucks, but you have to weigh what is more important to you. Telling your aunt now, or hiding who you are on your Facebook page. I'm sure you really know what you want to do, but you are just having doubts. I would say go with what you are feeling and it will all work out right in the end. Hopefully your aunt will be more accepting. My extended family frequently uses derogatory comments towards gays and my aunt actually sent me a video about not allowing homosexuality in the U.S. It made me angry, but there wasn't anything I could do because she doesn't know.
Well, what do you know? I was trying to track this board down to post an update yesterday, and then it gets bumped up. Thanks for the advice. I ended up accepting the friend request without changing anything, and there's been no comment from her or from another aunt who added me not long afterward. I don't know what that means, but if they'd really had a problem with it they would have said something - they're both the very direct type. I'm hoping all's well.
If your family is open enough to send you messages via facebook, its probably the best time to tell them openly instead of being forced out by a social networking site especially if you girls are close.
