*warning in advance for long post* This isn't asking advice for me... well, it's asking advice for how I can help my sister. See, for those of you that don't know, my mom is gay and I live with her and her partner and I call them both "mom." My sister (who's really my half sister; she's my mom's partner's daughter, but we have the same sperm donor father) is eleven and going into the sixth grade, I'm thirteen and going into eighth. I got a WHOLE LOT of crap in sixth grade when this girl looked up my name in the phone book to call me, saw that I had two moms, and told all her bitchy friends. It got to the point where I was going to leave the school. But I stayed (and I'm soooo glad I did) and now Carlie's going to come there with me. I'm ready to be out. I want to be out. I want everybody to know. I'm to the point where I almost like it when people give me crap. It makes me feel stronger somehow. But I'm worried for my sister, because she's not as strong as any of us here at EC. I'm worried that her year will be like mine, and worse for having two gay moms and a gay sister. And that ignorant people will think that she must be gay too because of us, and give her trouble for that. I'm not out to her yet, and I really want to be before school starts so somebody else doesn't out me before I can tell her. But she's like any eleven-year-old kid- she doesn't really get it. She's understanding to an extent, of course she is. But there's the occasional comment that any ignorant kid will make. Like this morning, we were singing "The Prince is Giving a Ball" because we were in Cinderella a while back. And she goes, "Why were the boys excited about the prince's ball?" And in the check-out line about a week ago in the grocery store. She was looking at magazines and said, "PLEASE tell me it's a rumor that there's a pregnant man." My mom explained it and she was cool, but still, I'm worried that she'll be one of those kids that would be understanding if she really thought about it, but just doesn't take the time. Also, she has OCD, so when she gets an idea in her head and starts worrying about it, she literally can't let go. So if somebody's mean to her, it will be the focus of her day. GAH it's frustrating. I want to be out at school (and I pretty much am, it's on my AIM profile so everyone should know, and whoever doesn't have AIM will have been told by the gossipers) but I don't want her to have a rough time like I did. It was TERRIBLE. I came home crying every day. And I'm a much, much stronger person than she is. I don't think she could handle it. Please give me advice... ~megan~
Hi there. I'm sorry that you had such a hard time. Maybe it would helpful when you talk to your sister that you do it with your mom present. From what you have written it seems to me that with your mom present, it might be a lot easier to explain it to her and maybe she would also take the time in trying to understand it. If you feel that you are ready to let her know, give it a try. In terms of her having a hard time at school and trying to avoid it, although she might not be as strong as you, you can still offer her the insights from what you have learned. You are absolutely right in pointing out that bad experiences will make us stronger as we learn from them. I'm glad that you have become stronger. You could tell her what you did/do when you were faced with/facing a situation where others might comment on your sexual identity and/or on having two moms. Try telling her that it is perfectly normal and that there is nothing to be ashamed about even if someone makes a comment on it. Again, if you feel that it might help, ask your mom to join in on the talk with her and try to prepare her as best as you can. Hope this helps!
