It's times like this - when I really struggle with life; with stress, worry and utter confusion - that I scream at myself. I cry to myself and sometimes even hate myself for who I unalterably am. If I was straight, I could like a girl like I do a boy, and just know that it is most likely she will like boys back. That would increase the chance of us going out, and I could make it obvious easier to show her that I love her. My life would would be simple, and just a whole bloody lot easier. But no, it would have to be me that would be fag! Every day I awake I want to go back to sleep. "Oh yeah - another day full of happiness for me!" - No. "Oh yeah - another day full of misery, torture and misfortune; lucky me" - that's more like it. I just want to live one day of pure happiness. Happiness without it being lined with a thin yet dense sealant of sadness. I miss him terribly, I love him unconditionally, but I just wish that he was never born sometimes; that he never walked into my life; and that this would all just stop! You can say that I should appreciate what I've got, and that I should value the littlest things in life. Yeah, yeah whatever - don't get me wrong, I agree with you entirely, but what's the point in spending my whole life being grateful for almost nothing, when day by day my life is getting more and more depressing, upsetting, and incapable to live? I'm fed up and I'm almost regurgitating with sob stories of how "bad" others' lives are. But honestly? I don't give a bit of care and comfort for them. They can just get lost and get on with their lives that are unquestionably good. How dare they complain and moan every consecutive day! I don't care! Wanna live like me for a while? You's have been dead months ago! (You are now beyond the threshold of meanness.) I really don't know what to do. You must agree with me - life would just be so much easier for all of us if we are just straight. I hate who I am, and which I could love someone of the opposite gender truly. Is it really that much to ask?
