I mean really, everything i've seen or hear about finding yourself involves the saying "It's just a phase"is this true, because i really think they don't understand or just experienced it, but never did anything about it and just repressed it, beause the feelings you get about the same sex never go away (unless you really did go through a phase, not meant offend the people who actually went through a phase) but is it because my hormones are outta whack or just other B.S. i keep hearing. On the other hand is it legitamate, i mean if their are true ex-gays in the world, did it mean they lied to themselves or really went through a phase. Just a penny for your thoughts.
The problem is that it can be a phase for people finding their sexuality at a young age. Compound that with the idea that unless you stay in it for an indefinite amount of time, it IS a phase, if you are assumed to be straight from childhood. I think the person in question knows their true nature best, though, so would be the one to make the call as to whether or not it feels like a phase. If we're talking about full-grown adults, that judgment is almost always going to be a "no."
I think it depends on your age. During teenage years it's completely natural to have sexual thoughts about all sorts of things, including the same sex if you are actually heterosexual. If you come out to people during that time it's entirely possible that they'll assume it's a phase, as there are likely to be hundreds of diverse sexual thoughts swirling round your head and some people find it difficult to pinpoint exactly what they do/don't like at that age. If you come out post-puberty however, i.e. late teens/early twenties or even later, then I suspect people would have more difficulty in justifying your feelings as simply a phase, especially if you make it clear that it's something you've been sure about for many years. There is no cure for being gay. If there was then at least half the members of this website would have taken it when they first began questioning to save themselves the bother. There are some very lovely people out there who are good at drilling how to convince yourself you're not gay into people's heads, but there is no way to actually change your sexuality and "ex-gays" are just in super-dramatic denial.
I doubt there are legitimate ex-gay people. Ex-gay people likely are really good at locking up same sex attraction and feelings, and they're pretty much perfectly in denial. "I once was, but now I'm not," and all that. It could be said that they're instead 'gay but not practicing'... so to speak, and I cringe at that terming. Some people might have gone through a phase, to be fair. For many, it isn't a phase and never has been and never will be, such as myself.
Maybe a lot of people are questioning their sexuality and for the first time in their life experimenting with it. Some of those people ultimately realize that they are not gay. That's the closest thing to a "phase" I can think of. But I also think the phrase "you're just in a phase" is used by people that are in denial about themselves or someone close to them that is gay.
I think Chip explains the exception to the rule quite well here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/1225696-post13.html
"Its just a phase" is one of the oldest pieces of homophobic advice in the (very long) book. Back yonder when I was a teen it was about the only piece of 'advice' I could find. I was pretty certain it was wrong then, and I've been proved right. Its a convenient out for adults who want to appear 'right on' about gay kids. "Yes, OK, I hear you: you're gay." But I know you'll grow out of it. So I don't really need to deal with it. It may be true that some straight teens 'mess around' with same sex friends or have private fantasies about the same sex. But thats sex, not being gay.
They can feel attraction and starting to wonder if they are gay. Only later you know you are not, if it goes away. So it´s not fair to say it´s not the same if you experiment or are gay, cause they don´t know when they are right in the middle of it. Although I agree that if you are gay, you often just know (I knew). But there are plenty that don´t know it that clearly. A lot would claim they are bi, before they find out they are actually gay, is what I read on EC. It´s not a homophobic thing. Sometimes it is a phase and sometimes people just kinda hope it is a phase, cause they know how hard it can be, so sometimes it actually comes from a nice place. Often it´s cause they can´t believe it yet. That doesn´t make that person homophobic. It CAN come from someone who doesn´t want you to be and that person could be homophobic. But I wouldn´t say it´s a rule.
i think a lot of people who are uneducated about the 'LGBT world' think that it's a phase. and honestly, sometimes it really just is a phase for some people. some people automatically know what they like and don't like, others need experience to make a decision.
"It's Just A Phase" has got to be the phrase that upsets me the most in the LGBT Realm. It's the worst case of denial I've seen. I hate to see people say that. For all we know, being Heterosexual could be a "Phase" too. But of course, that'd make them angry because being Heterosexual is the "normal" and supposed "only" way in their sick minds. :bang:
HighQuality... I'm with you. If "its only a phase" fits for gays, why does it never get used for straights. I'm sorry Boyfriend, having sex is different to being gay.
i dont know. i was told it was a phase by my sister and I believed and i still do to whoever tells me i might be going through one
