"I would not date someone who is still in the closet"

I would date someone in the closet. I know what it feels like to be afraid of rejection or worse. Being closeted doesn't make someone a bad person.

 

It depends on the person...and it depends on whether there is a serious effort to work through the issues of coming out.

I have been on the closeted side; it is a world of "discretion" and time limits and secrecy and I'm glad to be rid of it. I would want this newfound freedom for the person I love, and I would do all I can to help him out of the closet, but if he is unwilling to face the issue any time soon, well, I'm not getting any younger...

 

I would date someone in the Closet, it would only be a problem if the relationship got quite serious & the word commitment reared it's head, then decision would need to be made, being partly in the Closet myself, there are advantages of dating a Closeted Guy at the moment

 

It depends on the person.

If someone is sure he will never come out... In al honesty I wouldn't date him. Keeping a possible relationship secret forever would make me feel like I'm not a part of his life. Like I'm not important enough.

If someone is still in the closet, figuring himself out, but planning to come out some day soon: sure, why not.

Of course I'm kind of a hypocrite cause I'm not fully out myself. But I will come out to my parents once I'm in a relationship.

 

I guess that makes me selfish, then. I'm probably too lovey-dovey to date someone who's in the closet. I want to hug him when we see each other. I want to hold hands with him in public. I want to kiss him goodbye when we part ways, even if it's in a crowded mall. And if he can't do that because he's afraid of people knowing, that's going to be hard for me.

Of course, that's in the abstract. The last guy I dated still hasn't told his friends that he dated a guy, so in practice, I know I'd totally be willing to date a guy who's in the closet with no intention of coming out.

 

I would not date someone who is still in the closet. I am an affectionate person, and I very much like hand-holding and hugging, among other things.

Provided, it depends on how many people to whom he is out; if I'm the only one, HELL NO--if things go sour, he'd lose his only ally. I wouldn't be able to feel satisfied in consummation of the relationship. It hurts both sides.

If somebody were out to most friends, and not family, sure, I might date them. If somebody were out to few friends, I might date them. But if I were the only one? Nope. And, I find that being selfish isn't bad, especially in this context; one has to make sure to keep a sound mind in that sort of situation, to maintain a healthy relationship. If you're completely selfless, then things can go wrong.

 

First of all I'd ask: 'why'? Family is an exception, but otherwise I'd have to wonder why they'd be in the closet for any prolonged length of time in the first place.

I reckon it'd be kinda fun keeping a fling secret and have nobody guessing. But for anything serious, nah.

 

It would depend on why they are in the closet. It would also depend on if they were planning to come out at some point. I mean making a serious plan and setting a tentative date. If they couldn't do that much I would not have a LTR with them.

 

I would date a guy who was in the closest yes I know what it feels like and I would never judge someone because of it .I know a few guys in the closest for various reasons. it dont make them different .

 

A lot depends on the degree that someone is still closeted. Is he out to everyone but his family? Okay, that could work, probably. At least for awhile, but what happens when we get serious and want to get married? Are we going to have a wedding and NOT tell anyone in his family about it?

If he's really deep in the closet, and only out to a handful of people - myself included - then there is a problem. Things are worse if he's not out to anyone and only having relationships on the downlow.

That situation is worse because it effectively puts me back into the closet. I have to lie to everyone about the relationship to protect his secret. An entire part of my life starts to become a blackhole where I disappear for a time, and then reappear unable to tell anyone where I was, who I was with, or what I was doing.

We could be madly in love behind closed doors, but the moment we step outside we have to keep "straight guy distance" from each other. We have to pretend to be "just friends", assuming he is even comfortable being associated with me in public. A lot of people in the closet are afraid of being openly associated with someone who is known to be gay, for fear of people suspecting the truth about them.

It's not a matter of being selfish, it's a matter of knowing what I want out of a relationship. I would always have second thoughts about entering into a relationship with a guy in the closet. Even if he tells me he has intentions of eventually coming out "soon" - well, I'd consider him again when that happens.

I can be a friend. There could, theoretically, even be some benefits aspect to that friendship. However, I can't really date or commit to such a person until they're willing to at least come out to my friends and the people I know, and ideally their friends as well. I can tolerate waiting longer to come out to someones family, because that has greater implications than coming out to a friend. I could also tolerate not coming out at work.

The major issue for me is that the relationship would force me into the closet with him, and the deeper in the closet he is - the deeper he pulls me in... and I'm heading in the opposite direction with my life.

In the end, it's no different than not dating a guy because he has life goals that don't line up with my own. It's not a matter of judgement, it's just a matter of being honest about where we're heading with our lives. It doesn't mean we can't be friends, and it's not a negative judgement on him as a person. Everyone comes out when they're ready. However, I'm just in a different position with my life, and this means that a relationship with him isn't likely to work out. Being honest about that is important, as it saves both of us from getting hurt.

 

I don't think it's selfish to not want to date someone who is in the closet. I don't think I'd be comfortable with someone who's afraid of being seen as gay...when we're in a gay relationship. For the partner who's out of the closet, it's a bit like having to return a little in the closet because you can't be fully out when you have to take your closeted partner into consideration.

Which doesn't mean that I wouldn't date a guy who's in the closet, but I'd certainly push him a little to be "out" so as to not have to hide any affection towards each other.

 

Depends for me. My boyfriend and I are still in the closet to family members, so I'm technically dating someone who's not fully out. But other than that, he's open about it with everyone. I wouldn't date someone who had no plans on coming out or who would be withdrawn from me in public. I also wouldn't date someone who was in the closet and was still mulling over whether or not to live a "straight" life. I've spent almost all my life in hiding, and I'm ready to fully be myself in front of everyone.

 

If I do decide to date, I'll never date someone who's in the closet. Not out of judgment of them, but because I couldn't handle it. I absolutely suck at keeping secrets, and I find it really hurts my feelings when people ask me not to show an aspect of who I am in front of others.

I might be able to handle it if they're only closeted in a context that I rarely or never see them in, for example if I meet them at college and they're closeted at home 200 miles away. But even then, if it came up, it could be a serious threat to our relationship.

 

I would never expect someone to go around hiding things because of me,

BUT

I would never date someone that felt that way...


I do plan on eventually coming out to everyone... I've almost just blurted it out to some people already, but people like my dad and the more anti-gay people I know... I'm in no hurry and I see nothing wrong with that.

 

It depends on what "in the closet" means. If someone is so deeply in the closet that they don't want to be seen in public with someone who looks gay, then not happening.

I'd probably be okay with someone who was just not comfortable with talking about it with everyone..but it just depends.

 

For me, like many others have stated, it really depends on the situation.

I have dated somebody who has been partially closeted, as in they were out to friends but not to parents. I had no problem with it, and by no means was that the reason for the end of the relationship.

However, I do not think I would be able to date someone who was extremely closeted. I'm very out myself, and I feel like I would unintentionally put pressure upon the other person.

Just a personal preference I guess.

 

i'm in the closet, and the outside world is harsh. but if i were to find love, i'd certainly use that to my advantage and come out. after all, i'd be gay. right now, i'm not living "the gay life", so what's the point of risking it?

 

i would definitely. especially at my age where people are only starting to come out. being in the closet myself i understand why someone wouldn't want to come out and you should respect that persons decision no matter what; however when i'm at an age like 20 or 25 and the person wasn't out it would definitely be a deal breaker for me. assuming i was with a guy/ bisexual girl

 

Well, I'm not out myself either, but I would date a closeted guy. As long as he didn't plan on staying that way forever...