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Lesbian's dating... How does it works?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Straight ally, Jul 16, 2013.

  1. Straight ally

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    Hello! :icon_bigg

    Note: everytime when i say lesbian in here, im also including bisexual females.

    Now lets start with the questions:

    Being women gives you certain advantage at grabbing other women's attention/ making them interested/ triggering attraction in them?

    Usually, in straight dating, the guy approaches the woman... But in lesbian dating there are 2 women so.. Does itnworks in a different way to the typical straight dating ? Or the women with most initiative/ more comfidence makes the first move? Or what?

    How do you find other lesbians? What do you do to test the waters when you dont know if a woman is straight or lesbian?

    At a restaurant: i guess you split the account or take turns in paying it or whoever invited pays...

    While dating: have you met lesbians that are socially awkard and so bad at dating that they end turning you off with their awkardness, easy lesbians, player kind of lesbians, creepy lesbians, asshole lesbians, the " out-of-your-league lesbian" or any other sort of dating stereotype? ( i know labels are just aproximation, i know most people are unlabelable, but lets use labels here)

    If there is anything about lesbian dating that i didnt ask, you can still talk me about... The point is .... Im feeling curious and i want to know about this.
     
  2. Daydreamer1

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    I'm not in that circle, but I'm pretty sure it works out the same way as straight dating.
     
  3. Straight ally

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    That is what i guess too... But... I want to see if there is anything different... As its possible that there are differences, reality is not always simettrical. Many times when we just assume " the obvious" we end never finding the truth... Lgtb already have their own culture and i dont know if that culture summed to many other factor could affect dating.

    Im curious, so, i dont like assuming.
     
  4. catatonie

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    Why are you so curious with all the inner workings of LGBT peoples dating lives?
    It's like your convinced there's some deep-dark secret to find, between this thread and the transgender one you posted.
     
  5. Straight ally

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    Hell, im already trying to see how to delete that other thread... As everyone is getting offended...no, im not convinced there is some"deep dark secret to find" ...im only convinced that there are things i dont know... And im curious...

    My intention wasnt to offend anyone. I personally know lgtb people, including my best female friend who is bisexual.
     
  6. Abbra

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    He's just curious, and I think it's good that he's asking actual lesbians rather than making assumptions.

    Personally, I'm just awkward around prospective girls. The only girlfriend I had asked me out, and she and I "split the bill" during our dates so to speak. She often paid for food, while I would pay for movie tickets and gas. I probably wouldn't have even tried had she not asked me out.

    I fall into the awkward stereotype. I'm like a sixth grade girl when it comes to romance, which makes it hard for girls to approach me, and vice versa. I'm great with interacting with girls as friends, but I get super nervous if I find out they are interested in me, so I just blush and giggle. So I think stereotypes do exist just like with straight couples. I've met plenty of asshole lesbians, and I've encountered some that are way out of my league.

    Dating isn't all that different in gay couples despite how the media portrays it. Relationship roles usually come naturally to the couple, rather than it being something that is actively enforced.
     
  7. john1b1

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    I've found that with gay couples, usually whoever does the asking does the paying, but of course you always have to offer to pay no matter what. Sometimes, though, you'll go out with a really insecure guy who is trying really hard to be super-masculine, and will absolutely refuse to let you pay/take any of the traditional male roles in the relationship. (I don't know if that happens to straight-acting guys very much.)

    I assume lesbian dates work pretty much the same.
     
  8. Idek1204

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    I don't know but all that stuff worries me because there's no set way!

    Also who proposes to who?! (For when they finally make gay marriage legal in this country).
     
  9. fluffyhandcuff

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    LOL I think you're thinking too much with stereotypes? Who makes the first move ALWAYS depends on the personality, not the gender nor the sexuality.
     
  10. myheartincheck

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    The secret is, there's no secret! I've never dated a girl (celibate girl over here LoL) BUT I can help you answer these questions.

    Being women gives you certain advantage at grabbing other women's attention/ making them interested/ triggering attraction in them?

    Well girls know more about what girls like, and often have more similar interests. It's not always the case but it definitely can be used to one's advantage.

    Usually, in straight dating, the guy approaches the woman... But in lesbian dating there are 2 women so.. Does itnworks in a different way to the typical straight dating ? Or the women with most initiative/ more comfidence makes the first move? Or what?

    This is a good question. It varies on a couple to couple basis. Usually the one who makes the first move will set the steps for being the more "dominant" partner but it isn't always the case. They can take turns or the girl who was asked out may begin to take the lead once they know someone likes them. It really depends on personalities.

    How do you find other lesbians? What do you do to test the waters when you dont know if a woman is straight or lesbian?

    Gay bars or clubs are places most people go since there aren't many LGBT options in finding a potential mate. However joining LGBT events will increase your chances. When you're not in an LGBT rich environment and want to know someone's orientation, look for any rainbow symbols. Also sometimes it is more "obvious" if someone is LGBT (Butch). This isn't surefire, but also try things like playful body contact and you will have more of a sense of someone and if they like you. (There's no surefire method though so flirt at your own risk!)

    At a restaurant: i guess you split the account or take turns in paying it or whoever invited pays...

    I would suggest always having money on you on a first date to pay for both meals in any orientation first date. (You never know if someone is cheap) However, usually the one who will invite someone out pays. "Going Dutch" is always good too so be prepared to dish the cash out for your own stuff.

    While dating: have you met lesbians that are socially awkard and so bad at dating that they end turning you off with their awkardness, easy lesbians, player kind of lesbians, creepy lesbians, asshole lesbians, the " out-of-your-league lesbian" or any other sort of dating stereotype? ( i know labels are just aproximation, i know most people are unlabelable, but lets use labels here)

    I've never dated women for religious reasons, but I'm sure there are lesbians like this. Everyone has different personalities... some more awkward than others.
     
  11. castle walls

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    Two women dating is just like two men dating or a man and a woman dating or any other combination of two people dating. There is no secret. Who does the "traditionally manly" activities like leading in slow dances, proposing, asking for dates, etc.? Whoever wants to do those things. It is pretty simple. I think people really overthink the "who does what" in a same sex relationship.

    My little rant on paying for dates: As for who pays for the date, I believe that regardless of gender the person that asked for the date should pay. If someone asked me out and then expected to split the check, I would consider that to be rude (unless they had an incredibly good reason) if they don't mention it until the check comes. Regardless of when they mention it, I don't like the idea of splitting the bill on a date. It won't feel like a real date to me. I guess if one person pays for the meal and another person drives it would be different but splitting the check is a no for me.

    I don't think one person should pay every time. This holds true if I happen to be dating a man as well. I believe that it is best to take turns taking each other out.
     
  12. Femmeme

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    You've also asked about what were attracted to. I'm starting to find your interest uncomfortable.
     
  13. Straight ally

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    Im just being exhaustive with a topic, its better than exploring everything at the same time, splitting oneself into 10 different topical streams. This question could have actually gone together with the other, but i prefered separating it into 2 different threads.
     
  14. Hexagon

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    Friend, you may benefit from some research into the terms heterosexism and cissexism. While I'm sure you mean no offence or harm, you are having that effect on people, and it seems to me that many of your well-intentioned views actually show a bias towards heteronormativity.
     
  15. Straight ally

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    Thanks for answering... I agree with your little rant on paying for dates, a shame most straight people are kind of stuck in gender roles. And its worst where i live, a third world island full of its macho culture where you are expected to do many things just because of your specific gender, like the other day where someone said something annoying to me just because i was using red jeans, and "true men shouldnt use red jeans" :bang::tantrum:. Sorry for the rant ^.^' i had to get that out of the system...
     
  16. Straight ally

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    ... Im precisely asking this questions cause i want to know in what aspects there are differences and at what aspects there are similarities or commonalities. Heteronormativity is about: Assuming everyone is straight( not what i assume) , thinking that heterosexuality is the only right orienation (not what i think), thinking that men needs to act in a specific way (i actually hate those arbitrary rule, i usually disobey them and i usually get criticized for that). Obssesion with labels and stereotypes, with is why i said "( i know labels are just aproximation, i know most people are unlabelable, but lets use labels here)" this was to point out that any mentioned stereotype is just a label and that im concious of the imprecisions labels have.

    Also, people with heteronormative bias think they know therefore they assume... In my case, i knew that i didnt knew therefore i asked instead of assuming.

    But ok, i understand... An assumption and a question are only separated by question marks, and the question im making are related to the typical assumptions some people make, in other words the only thing protecting me from looking heteronormativitious is a "?" With is just a very small character in a sea of words. Its probably the same internet effect that leads a satyre news site like the onion to be taken as a real news site. Something that points me into thinking that is the cause is: while some people at this thread got offended, others just answered what im asking (see abbra)...

    Anyhow, i will be more careful with anything i say, as what i post shouldnt offend anyone, not even unintentionally, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" and i consider even one person offended as a fail on my part.

    Thanks for the feedback.