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Should marriage be sacred?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Hexagon, Jul 17, 2013.

  1. Hexagon

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    I use the term sacred loosely here. But people are always talking about the sanctity and sacredness of marriage, how you shouldn't do it until you're sure, how divorce is wrong, or at least a last resort. Is this really a good thing? What good is it to try and force people to stay in unhappy marriages to avoid destroying the 'sanctity' of it or whatever? I mean, when children are involved its a bit different, but when its just two people, who cares if people get married and divorced as often as they shower?
     
  2. john1b1

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    If you're getting married religiously instead of legally, sure. But if your marriage is strictly secular, than the only thing wrong with divorce is it shows a failure to commit.
     
  3. LinkLarkin

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    Although I've never been in anything like this position, I imagine it's got quite a bit to do with self esteem. People feel that if they can't sustain a relationship, especially if it's gotten serious enough for them to be married, then they must be a failure in some way.
     
  4. justjade

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    I've been divorced, and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. Why? Because my ex-husband was mentally abusive and an alcoholic.

    However, I don't think people should just get married willy-nilly, like for the sake of being married, or because I had a kid by this guy and I want our child to grow up with both of his/her parents. I've seen people get married for some pretty terrible reasons. For instance, my sister wants to get married just because she doesn't want to be alone and doesn't think she'll ever be able to support herself. That right there is a horrible reason to get married.

    That said, I do think marriage is a very special union and should be regarded as such. I wouldn't go so far as to call it "sacred", but it's not like dating. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but I think that marriage is really special. No one should ever be trapped in an unhealthy or unhappy marriage because of the "sanctity" of marriage, but getting divorced is a bitch. It's expensive and time-consuming, and then the family wants to know why and all that. It's worth it in the long run, but going through it is hell, even if you don't even like the person.

    That being said, I think it would be nice if people took marriage seriously. Not too seriously, but just enough to realize what it is. It's a commitment. If people can't commit, they shouldn't get married in my opinion. It's just not worth the trouble.
     
  5. LinkLarkin

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    To be honest, I'm not even sure I like the idea of marriage anyway. Don't get me wrong, I do hope to get married someday but that's only because I quite like the label of having a "husband". In principle, I think that if two people are in love and don't want to spend time apart from each other, then they shouldn't need a piece of paper to obligate them to spend the rest of their lives (slash some arbitrarily small amount of time) together.

    Of course my argument is flawed because it doesn't account for civil liberties, legal advantages of marriage etc. but in an ideal world that would be my belief. Just fall in love and let the rest go unspoken.
     
  6. AlamoCity

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    One thing that always bugged me was the marriage licenses that they issue here in Texas. I don't know if it's my county, but it has some words that bug me: Holy Union of Matrimony. Here is a scan of a marriage license from where I'm from. I just wish it used other words because it seems here in Texas, there isn't "separation of church and state" on certain manners. It'd be funny when Texas is forced to allow same-sex marriages and they don't change the wording; then I can go tell all the bigots, "Hey, my marriage is Holy, deal with it!"
     

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  7. Sarcastic Luck

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    How is it a failure to commit if it's done because one part of the couple is abusive?
     
  8. justjade

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    I second Sarcastic Luck's sentiment. I've been in an abusive marriage, and I can honestly say I didn't see it coming until we'd been married for a while. He did fail to commit, but that's not the point. No one should be forced to stay "committed" to someone who treats them like shit.
     
  9. Spatula

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    This should be a poll.

    And no. Marriage is not sacred. It's an ancient tradition that has had different rules in different societies, and it far predates Christianity for instance. The concept that a marriage cannot be ended is one that some religions preach, but as a legal secular institution (as it should be treated in this country) that is meaningless.
     
  10. john1b1

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    I'm not saying there's never a good reason for divorce, but when you meet someone who's on their fourth marriage, you start to wonder if maybe there might be a problem there.
     
  11. justjade

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    True. I've heard that the more times someone gets divorced, the more likely it is they'll get divorced again. I guess the failure rate of marriage goes up the more times someone's been married, which is weird because you'd think with all that experience, they'd be better at it.
     
  12. LinkLarkin

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    They might just be stuck in a hopeless loop of going for the wrong type of person. That must be the plot of at least half the romantic comedies ever made.

    I think people are failing to see the original dilemma which is whether it should be acceptable for people to divorce freely. Obviously they should if they're in an abusive relationship, but the point is that their internal struggle over their perceived failure to commit is what is likely to stop them, rather than an actual failure to commit that could be surmised by an external observer.
     
  13. Sarcastic Luck

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    The person they married misrepresented themselves/lied?
     
  14. castle walls

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    Even if children are involved, if things aren't working out the two people should get divorced. Personally, I think that staying in an awful relationship is a terrible thing to expose children to. "Staying together for the kids" is often terrible advice. Being divorced doesn't make you any less of a parent. A quote from a child on the issue:
    I don't think marriage is sacred. Britney Spears was only married 55 hours. Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra? Nine days. Celebrities aside, if marriage is so sacred, why are there so many divorces and affairs? There is even a popular website that was created for married people to cheat on their partners. I think that "'til death do us part" is a nice idea but it rarely happens
     
  15. justjade

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    My ex-mother-in-law is the type of person you described. She's been married (how many) 3 or 4 times now, I think. She just has this thing about marrying the same type of guys, and they're all the type of guys that are rich, which can be nice, but douchebags, which is not.

    I do think it's good that people can get divorced though. There are too many situations anymore in which it just has to happen.
     
  16. LinkLarkin

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    Agreed... although the more I think about it, the more I think divorce is thrown around a bit too liberally at the moment. Yes, if someone leaves or if the relationship is abusive then divorce is the way forward, but if a married couple gets into a fight a fortnight after their wedding then they should really be encouraged to work through things in couples counselling rather than immediately being able to sign a piece of paper like some of the examples listed above. (I believe there are some cultures where there's a deferral period following marriage that couples would have to attend mandatory counselling before getting divorced, that would be the ideal in my opinion.) Yes, we are humans and we have to have the right to divorce and it's far from uncommon to fall out of love with someone... but we should also probably be a bit more prepared to put the effort in to overcome obstacles in our relationships, otherwise we're just setting ourselves up for a fall with the next person with whom we fall in love.
     
  17. RedMage

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    Just a question, is that given to every married couple regardless of how they married (e.g. if a couple was married in a secular manner or of beliefs other than the abrahamic ones?)? Because then that must be completely awkward and offensive.
     
  18. Idek1204

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    Well we are living a lot older now than when people wouldn't divorce and treat marriage more sacred-ly.
    I mean, when we used to say "until death do us part" that was only a few years. Now it can be over 50 years soo . . . It's no wonder divorce rates are up. That long with the same person is probably exhausting

    This is a joke. I think. I can't really tell, I'm tired.
     
  19. Formality

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    Marriage schmarriage. Who cares about the "sanctity"? In my honest opinion I think marriage should be replaced with something else, something that doesn't have connections to religion or that discriminates against a certain group. Something just to show that we two love each other and want that on paper kinda thing. And something you can break without having to feel guilty. If a marriage doesn't work it just doesn't.
     
    #19 Formality, Jul 17, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2013
  20. AlamoCity

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    Yes, it is. This is my uncle's license who was married about ten years ago and is a fairly new form in color and all. My parents married in the 80s in the same county and had an older license form but the words were verbatim. But any judge, justice of the peace or religious person who is authorized by their religion can do it, not sure about how that person or religion becomes "authorized." But, of course, there is a bias towards Judeo-Christian religions. Here is the text of the law I found online of who can perform the ceremony:

    But yeah, it appears Texas has a thing bringing religion into the "rites of holy matrimony."